“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” – Anne Landers
Good parenting means that you are in it for the long haul. Think of sound, long term investments: they pay off handsomely. When we do that and avoid certain mistakes, the chances of our kids turning into decent, caring, and well balanced adults are much higher. Here are 5 parenting mistakes to avoid.
1. Making life easier for kids
The problem here is that kids may rarely experience frustration, disappointment or anxiety. This basically means that as they face adulthood, they are ill equipped for the ups and downs that life, work and relationships will inevitably bring.Advertising
When they fail in a test or their team loses, we should be there to encourage and support, not prevent these things happening. Let us concentrate on the tools we can give them to cope with setbacks. Psychologist Madeline Levine says that we have to let toddlers fall when learning to walk. That policy has to continue as kids grow up and face other challenges.
2. Being careless about remarks
John Chirban, psychology instructor, at the Harvard Medical School has warned about careless remarks. Negative judgements or comments can have a lasting, harmful impact. Imagine the fallout from hurtful, uncaring and harsh remarks. These can adversely affect a child’s development and hurt his/her self esteem. Parents have to watch what they say and also be careful about body language.
3. Parents overpraise and overshare
This is the other side of the coin to being hurtful and insensitive to a child’s needs and worries. Here, parents tend to exaggerate with praise and they rarely praise the effort but tell the child that s/he is really smart, cute, good at sports and so on.Advertising
According to research done at Stanford University, praising effort rather than talent in 1-3 year olds pays off. Five years later, they seem to be better able to cope with challenges and are more motivated.
Kids tend to overshare on Facebook too, which is another way of inflating the child’s ego. These kids are at risk of becoming unproductive, incompetent adults according to some experts.
Parents often tend to brush bad behaviour under the carpet. This is the perfect recipe for children learning how to lie and cheat to get out of difficult situations, rather than taking responsibility for their actions.Advertising
4. Children are never at risk
“We mustn’t wrap our children in cotton wool, but allow them to play outside so as to better understand the opportunities and challenges in the world around them, and how to be safe.” – Ed Balls , Member of Parliament, UK.
There is an interesting article which explores the area of how many risks children should take while playing. Learning to take risks means gaining confidence but also learning about limits and boundaries. This has been echoed in the UK where the emphasis on allowing children to play safely outdoors is an integral part of the government’s Fair Play project. This project emphasises the need for kids to take risks and to learn how to manage them. This is a crucial element of growing up.
In one survey of 7- 12 year olds in the UK, over 50% said that they had been banned from climbing trees as it was considered to be too dangerous.Advertising
5. Parents are unable to stop children nagging
Many parents are forced to give in to a child’s nagging when they want something. If we give in, the child learns that persistent nagging really does work and it will ruin any efforts for imposing consequences and setting boundaries later on.
I really like the solution in the Positive Discipline books written by Lynn Lott. The second time the child starts to nag with the same request, just say three words, “Asked and Answered”.
You can then explain that the question has already been asked and answered. You can even repeat what the child first asked and then repeat your answer, just to make it crystal clear! Now this saves you tons of time, you do not have to start nagging yourself or even start lecturing. You just establish this technique and be consistent in using it.
Parents are often seen taking the easy, fast way out but they are sowing the seeds for more and more trouble later on. Well worth investing in the tried and tested solutions above.
Featured photo credit: Catched kid/ Jordie Alvarez via flickr.com
Last Updated on September 25, 2019
How to Tap Into the Power of Positivity
As it appears, the human mind is not capable of not thinking, at least on the subconscious level. Our mind is always occupied by thoughts, whether we want to or not, and they influence our every action.
When we were still children, our thoughts seemed to be purely positive. Have you ever been around a 4-year old who doesn’t like a painting he or she drew? I haven’t. Instead, I see glee, exciting and pride in children’s eyes. But as the years go by, we clutter our mind with doubts, fears and self-deprecating thoughts.
Just imagine then, how much we limit ourselves in every aspect of our lives if we give negative thoughts too much power!
We’ll never go after that job we’ve always wanted because our nay-saying thoughts make us doubt our abilities.
We’ll never ask that person we like out on a date because we always think we’re not good enough.
We’ll never risk quitting our job in order to pursue the life and the work of our dreams because we can’t get over our mental barrier that insists we’re too weak, too unimportant and too dumb.
We’ll never lose those pounds that risk our health because we believe we’re not capable of pushing our limits.
And we’ll never be able to fully see our inner potential because we simply don’t dare to question the voices in our head…
But enough is enough! It’s time to stop these limiting beliefs and come to a place of sanity, love and excitement about life, work and ourselves.
So, how can we tap into the power of positivity?
“Happiness cannot come from without, it comes from within.” – Helen Keller
It’s not as hard as it may seem; you just have to practice, practice, practice. Here are 4 simple yet powerful ideas on how you can get started.
1. Learn to substitute every negative thought with a positive one.
Every time a negative thought crawls into your mind, replace it with a positive thought. It’s just like someone writes a phrase you don’t like on a blackboard and then you get up, erase it and write something much more to your liking.
Just take a look at these 10 Positive Affirmations for Success that will Change your Life.
2. See the positive side of every situation, even when you are surrounded by pure negativity.
This one is a bit harder to put into practice, which does not mean it’s impossible.
You can find positivity in everything by mentally holding on to something positive, whether this be family, friends, your faith, nature, someone’s sparkling eyes or whatever other glimmer of beauty.
If you seek it, you will find it.
3. At least once a day, take a moment and think of 5 things you are grateful for.
This will lighten your mood and give you some perspective of what really is important in life and how many blessings surround you already.
Here’re 60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life that can inspire you.
4. Change the mental images you allow to enter your mind.
How you see yourself and your surroundings make a huge difference to your thinking.
Instead of dwelling on dark, negative thoughts, consciously build and focus on positive, light and colorful images, thoughts and situations in your mind a few times a day.
Learn from this article how to change your mental images: How to Think Positive and Eliminate Negative Thoughts
If you are persistent and keep on working on yourself, your mind will automatically reject its negative thoughts and welcome the positive ones.
You are (or will become) what you think you are.
This is reasonable enough to be proactive about whatever is going on in your head.
More About Staying Positive
- 10 Practical Tips To Make Positive Thinking Your Habit
- Why Negative Emotions Aren’t That Bad (And How to Handle Them)
- 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success
- 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time
Featured photo credit: Lauren Richmond via unsplash.com