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5 Causes of Anxiety Most People Have Overlooked

5 Causes of Anxiety Most People Have Overlooked

The feeling of anxiety is often confused by a lot of people due to not knowing how it’s created. Because of this, many of us find it difficult to overcome and frantically look for solutions.

The most common causes are often pretty obvious. But there are also ones that aren’t as obvious, which are arguably the real reasons why anxiety gets created in the first place.

1. Lack of communication in your relationships.

Relationships are perhaps the most sensitive areas you could ever be involved in because a lot of dynamics are at play: you love your partner and don’t want to hurt them, or maybe you care about their feelings and would do anything to make them happy.

But there is a fine line between staying happy and fulfilled and staying true to yourself. Of course your partner wants to be happy, but they also want you to be authentic.

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A one-sided relationship can never really succeed, so it stands to reason that the best way to avoid any complications is to always feel free to communicate your feelings. Sure, your partner may not like it, but they will grow to trust and respect you regardless of what happens.

A relationship built on dishonesty will always create anxiety due to always ‘acting up’ or believing that showing your true self will somehow make your partner lose attraction for you.

It is, in fact, this very thing that usually destroys relationships.

2. Inability to express your vulnerabilities.

This is an area, which men specifically have problems dealing with. We are often taught by the media that having a strong and bravado like attitude is the hallmark of masculinity, and that showing your weaknesses is considered a bad thing.

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The truth is, there has never been anyone in the history of this planet who wasn’t vulnerable, either physically or emotionally.

The key is to not be afraid to express yourself freely by allowing yourself to explore the full range of your emotions.

If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re happy, be happy. Accept how you’re feeling in the present moment and learn to appreciate your vulnerabilities.

3. The feeling of guilt.

There will always be times when you felt guilty about something. Maybe you didn’t tell the truth when it mattered. Perhaps you failed to go and talk to someone when you first saw them due to being too afraid to make the approach. Or perhaps you said something you shouldn’t have to a family member.

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Whatever it may be, realize that it was all in the past and that it can’t be changed. All you can change are the things you’re doing right now. You have the perfect opportunity to take responsibility for your actions.

What can you do right now that will stop you from feeling the same guilt in the future? Take it all on board and take action.

4. Trying to prove yourself to others.

One of the things I personally realized in my life was that no matter how hard I worked at being the type of person people would grow to love and appreciate, there would always be other people out there who wouldn’t like me.

The worst thing that could ever happen is that you would simply conform with everyone around you while compromising your personal values in the process, which is a recipe for disaster.

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Instead, learn to accept yourself for who you are by knowing your strengths and weaknesses. This will allow you to attract the right people into your life who will accept you for who you are.

5. Comparing yourself with others.

The media often displays billboards, magazines and TV shows portraying people with extreme levels of success, which is often pretty easy to feel insecure about. It’s easy to feel inferior, that something is wrong with you when in fact, it’s the very opposite.

We all seem to forget the basic fact that while there are better and more successful people out there in the world, there is simply no one quite like you who could benefit from your value. In reality, we all have something of value to give to the world.

Comparing yourself with others is impractical since you can’t be them and they can’t be you. Instead, learn to do things differently and in a way that is unique to you.

You’ll eventually realize that there is no one you could really compare with besides yourself. How were you like yesterday as opposed to today? Have you improved? If not, you now have a new goal to strive for.

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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