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15 Ways to Lead a New Life You Love

15 Ways to Lead a New Life You Love

Do you want to surf a wave, learn a language or write a book?  It’s never too late to lead a new life you love and become the person you’ve always dreamed you could be.

The reality is that you can be anyone or do anything you desire.  You already have all of the tools; you just need to dust off the toolbox and get to work.

That’s what this article is going to do.  It’s going to give you a blueprint for making the changes you’ve always dreamed of.

There is a concept discussed in Buddhist practices that you may or may not be familiar with called impermanence.  It’s actually a huge, enormous, life-changing concept, and if you can grasp it, you will be well on your way to completing your blueprint for a new life.

There are major changes that we clearly see: we were once young, and now we are old, and one day we will die.  These gross changes are apparent and certain.  But in order for these gross changes to occur there are also tiny, subtle changes that are taking place within all animals, people and things all the time.

We often overlook the subtle changes and focus only on the gross changes.  But the answer to creating a brand new life lies in these subtle changes and the recognition that in every moment there is a constant flux of change happening.

A common visual used to show subtle impermanence: a seed is planted, this seed creates a seedling, which goes on to create a tree.  Now that we have a tree the seed or the seedling no longer exists, even though they produced the tree.  Finally, the fruit that the tree produced is also not the tree, though it was produced by the tree.  In order for the seed to produce the fruit, it went though endless subtle changes.

Our cells are dying and being reborn.  With each moment that passes, we are an empty canvas and we can paint a new picture; each moment leads to the next with renewed possibilities.  We are the artists of our painting, and we have a choice how the subtle brush strokes shape and form the ending masterpiece.

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Contemplate These Questions:

1.  What do you want out of life?

2.  What do you want to change about your life or yourself?

3.  What is holding you back?  Money, fear, creativity or relationships?

4.  Are you making fear-based decisions?  Do you base your decisions around what you love, or do you base your decisions around what you are afraid of losing?

5.  What’s the worst and best that can happen with any change you may or may not make?

Record your thoughts.  Focus on deep and meaningful contemplation rather than a shallow field of answers.  Everyone’s painting will look different, but let’s all start by writing down our intentions.  After you have a clear intention, we can begin to apply some of the tips below for turning your dreams into reality.

1. Throw Away Your Preconceived Notions

Have you always told yourself that you’re lacking in creativity or originality?  Do you tell yourself you’re not good, smart or funny enough?  Stop these thoughts; this is your mind repeating the same old story, and it is deluding your true capabilities with self doubt.  Every moment is fresh.  You are a blank canvas, so imagine yourself as such and allow yourself the chance to create a new story.

Tap in and experience your truest form: you are rich, alive and buzzing.  Nothing will change that.

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2.  Realize Your Potential

Everyone has limitless potential, and so do you.  Sometimes your life may go through dark and overcast periods, but underneath the clouds is always a blue sky.  Focus on the blue sky; don’t identify with your true nature as being the clouds.

Do you think Beethoven set out to be one of the greatest composers of all time?  Follow your passions, and you might discover huge success.

3.  Start With Change Every Day

The only way to make change happen is to implement it daily.  We can’t every have immediate results, and this applies to everything.  If your goal is to be physically fit, write a book, change careers or simply to just be happier, all of these desires start with today.  Today you have to make small changes that inch you forward in the right direction.

One day you will wake up, and you will be living the life you want.  It’s that simple.

4.  Change Your Routine

Sometimes we get stuck in a rut: working 9 to 5, eating at the same restaurants, or even watching the same TV programs.  Change your routine.  Even the smallest change can make you feel excited about life again.  Maybe you don’t even need a major life overhaul; maybe you just need a few small tweaks.

5.  Nourish Your Mind, Body and Soul

Consider the following habits and lifestyle changes that will not only change your life, but also support any other goal you want to accomplish.

  • Healthy eating
  • Daily exercise
  • Daily meditation
  • Daily affirmations

6.  Live in The Moment and Practice Mindfulness

No matter what changes you would like to make in your life, none of them matter if you don’t practice mindfulness.  It’s easy to tick items off the bucket list, but as we do that we might not feel any happier or satisfied.

By bringing a moment to moment awareness to all tasks, even the mundane, we can truly appreciate, savour and live life.

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7. Change Your Attitude

Be positive. No matter what you have, where you live or who you’re with, your attitude around your circumstances are more important than the circumstances themselves.

There are people who have practically nothing in this world – less money, less comfort, less resources and opportunities – and yet they are happier.  Similarly, there are people who are rich and have enormous comforts, but they feel miserable.

Often times we have everything we need or could possibly want right in front of us.  Being grateful turns what we have into enough and more.

8. Take Off The Mask: Find Your Tribe

Stop pretending to be something you are not.  Do you ever feel like life is a masquerade ball?  That everyone, including yourself, seems to be putting on a show, pretending to be perfect or to have perfect lives?

Take off the mask.  If people don’t like that, then find new people to spend time with.  It’s cliché, but be yourself; you can’t make any real meaningful changes until you do.

9.  Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Don’t be afraid to try something new.  Talk to new people, take up a new hobby or simply read something out of the ordinary.  You never know what changes could occur just by making a new friend.  Doors of possibility swing open with every hello.

10.  Be Inspired

It’s easy to fall into an uninspired rut and go through dry patches where everything feels utterly mundane.  Rediscover your passions, whether it’s a good book, brilliant music or watching a powerful film.

Finding something you are passionate about will motivate you to make changes.

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11.  Connect With Your Loved Ones

Everything is better when we have meaningful relationships.  Reconnect with those who mean the most to you: friends, siblings, parents, coworkers, kids and partners.  Having a strong network of support will help you along your journey.

12.  Get Out in Nature

If getting out in nature every day isn’t realistic, then you should aim to do this at least once per week.  Connecting with nature is the best way to ground yourself, release stress and quiet the mind.  By connecting with nature and getting quiet, you allow peace and stillness in so that you can connect with your true self.  You can learn a lot about what changes will truly make you happy.

13.  Give up Booze and Cigarettes

When you lose the suffocating grip that alcohol and cigarettes can have over your life, many facets of your life can improve.  This in itself is a great first step to changing your life.  You will exercise more, your looks improve, weekends feel longer, you will develop new hobbies, likely make new friends, have more patience and find out who you really are.  It’s like a fog is lifted from your life.

14.  Rid Your Life of Excess

Rid your life of everything you don’t need so you can make room for what you do need.

The accumulation of stuff is like an anchor; it ties us down. We are always terrified of losing all of our stuff.  Let it go, and you will free yourself from greed, debt, and the feeling of constantly being overworked.

15.  Stay Motivated and Hold Yourself Accountable

Tell someone the changes you plan to make who will check in with you and hold you accountable.  If you have to answer to someone. it will keep you working towards it.

The potential to make great changes lies in all of us.  We just need to define it, work towards it and believe it.

More by this author

Tina Williamson

Writer and creator of Mindfulmazing

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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