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13 Struggles Your Dad Faced to Be a Good Father

13 Struggles Your Dad Faced to Be a Good Father

Sometimes, it can be easier to appreciate your mother more than your father, especially if your mother stayed home with you during your youth. But when you look a little closer, you will see how much responsibility falls on the shoulders of your father to ensure stability in the home as well—financially, emotionally, physically and sometimes spiritually. Here are some things your dad probably went through in order to be a great father to you.

1. He put family first.

There were times when your dad didn’t feel like getting out of bed and heading to work or when he wanted to pursue his artistic dreams instead, but he had to put all of that on hold to make sure his children could attain and fulfill their dreams.

2. He had to act stupid to make his kids laugh.

Perhaps you can call it “humbling,” but he was happy to act out a bit silly to make sure his kids were happy, whether it was dressing like a clown or singing a nursery rhyme.

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3. He had to buy a lot of books—kid’s books.

Buying books became necessary. Sometimes, it even went beyond that: he had to become familiar with the characters, authors and the bookseller.

4. He had to be the perfect role model.

He may not have been as good looking as Tom Hanks or a Tom Cruise, but he had to be wonderful enough for his kids to be proud of him. His kids observed his actions most of the time, and wanted to be sure he practiced what he preached; this meant he had to meet certain personal standards to be the ideal father.

5. He had to read to his children.

If you thought it stopped with buying a book, you would be amazed how much action he had to take after that. If he didn’t stick to the routine and read you Dr. Seuss, he’d have to be there to console you after the resulting nightmares and anxiety you felt from not getting your nightly reading fix.

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6. He had to do some dirty work.

Even if his spouse was the one making the meals and changing the diapers or other household chores, perhaps he had to be there to deal with the major handy-work, or at least, he had to call someone he knew to be handy.

7. He had to give you a father-child sex talk.

When you reached adolescence and you needed to learn about your body and the body of the opposite gender and face awkwardness, he was there to offer you a heads-up. Although it may not have been a comfortable chat for him, it bonded you and helped you out in the long run.

8. He had to manage his emotions.

Even if he cried, he never did it in front of the family. When there were difficult and tempestuous situations, he would act as an umbrella or a shield for the family. He didn’t lose control of his temper; somehow, he had to be the man to handle the situation just right.

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9. He had to be mature.

He had to put away all signs of immaturity and face what was ahead of him in his family. He had to be firm on himself and quit acting like a child. He understood the importance of being at your basketball game rather than having a drink with his friends.

10. He wanted the best for you.

He may have never had the best of things in life; things may have been rough for him as he grew older, but he never used that as an excuse not to give you the best, which you deserved.

11. He was attentive to your needs.

He would listen and wanted to understand your opinion on a subject. He didn’t ridicule you for speaking out, but he would commend you and offered a listening ear.

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12. He didn’t miss your birthdays.

Nothing could be more important than for him to be there for you as you turned older. He never forgot it. And he bought you presents and offered you more responsibility as you matured.

13. He gave you the best education.

He wanted you to be able to stand confidently and have a place in society. He wanted to brag about you and say special things to his friends about you. He had to give you the best education—even if the price could be high, he didn’t mind working extra hard.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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