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12 Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Anorexia

12 Things To Remember If You Love A Person With Anorexia

Do you know someone who suffers from anorexia? It is an eating disorder and while you may think this is a relatively rare condition, the fact is that 1 in 2 people in the USA either have suffered from an eating disorder or know someone who does. According to The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, there are 24 million people in the USA alone who are struggling with these disorders.

The problem is that myths abound about these disorders which lead to ignorance, stigma and difficulty in seeking treatment. These disorders are serious illnesses, yet they are often dismissed as minor mental ticks!

Here are 12 things to keep in mind if you love or know someone with anorexia. Knowledge is empowerment.

1. They are trying to cope with life challenges.

A person with anorexia is not eating properly because that may be the only way she or he can cope with some deeper and more difficult issues. The incidents with purging, bulimia and fasting are all just external symptoms of a deep seated mental illness.

Too often, people dismiss anorexics as being obsessed with their body image and merely vain.

2. They have been subjected to false media messages.

Many teenage girls have been blasted with media messages which emphasize that you have to be skinny to be successful. We all know about TV ads and other social media spouting these messages. But there are more subtle ways that youth leaders, coaches and even teachers are inadvertently drawing attention to teens’ body images.

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We only have to think about certain sports which focus too much on weight, not to mention dance studios and gyms which are covered in mirrors. You cannot escape them!

3. They are not going through a phase.

Anorexia can be successfully treated and should not be dismissed as a phase or a fad. That is what psychiatrists and psychologists who are treating this disease have to get across to parents, teachers and other leaders that the youth look up to. This is a mental illness and is much more complicated than getting an anorexia sufferer to eat.

It is a complex condition which requires a type of multidisciplinary treatment such as REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). This can help to curb the irrational beliefs and self-defeating behaviors that many sufferers have to go through.

4. They have to survive in a calorie counting world.

As well as the images of skinny people being superior, anorexics have to cope with the weight watching police. Not actual officers of course, but calories on every item of food sold are there to remind us not to step out of line.

There is a national obsession with weight. It is high time we changed the emphasis and started to talk about health instead.

5. They may have to analyze their childhood.

There are many types of treatments available for those suffering from anorexia. One popular option is the FPT (Focal Psychodynamic Therapy). The sufferer is helped to identify childhood conflicts in childhood which remained unresolved.

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Once that is done, they are helped to manage stressful situations and negative thinking. Most people are unaware of the effects of a traumatic childhood.

6. They need to get their story out.

If you read Katie Metcalfe’s book, Anorexia – A Stranger in the Family, you will begin to understand the obsessions, and the voices that control an anorexic’s life. It is truly a harrowing story but also one of hope of how Katie overcame her anorexia and fully recovered.

It’s alarming to read how it was only after a heart attack that her doctor started to take notice that something was really wrong. The book also recounts how bullying at school led her to diet and exercise excessively. These are the true stories of the mindset of anorexia sufferers that need to be told again and again.

7. They want control.

Let us imagine that the problems and causes of anorexia are either hidden or denied. They cannot control the loneliness, the insecurity and the low self-esteem. One thing that the sufferer can control is what he or she eats.

The sense of achievement in watching the number of pounds in the scale going down and the perfect image staring back at her in the mirror gives a sense of empowerment. The obsession also drowns all the other, deeper sorrow and grief.

With effective treatment, these sufferers can replace self-deception with new purpose and a will to start living again.

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8. They need the help of their family.

I knew one family who never accepted that their daughter was anorexic. They just buried their heads in the sand but the father had to pay out a fortune to have his daughter’s teeth redone as a result of her gums receding too far back from her teeth. They saw it as another expense.

Thankfully, the daughter has stabilized but not thanks to her family. It is essential that families are involved because they need to address how anorexia is affecting their lives and the life of the sufferer, what they need to know and how they can help.

9. They must learn that self acceptance is key.

An integral part of any therapy program will help guide the sufferer toward self-acceptance. Every person is a complex mix of dimensions and emotions.

Labelling a person as fat or thin is superficial and is rife. The patient learns that their own perception of their body image is a bit distorted, so learning to correct that view is also essential.

10. They will resort to secrecy and deception.

Anorexia sufferers will go to any lengths to hide their weight loss. They may put on extra layers of clothes when they are being weighed. Family members will also be almost forced to be deceptive as they try to add cream and fat to their food so that they will put on weight.

There is no true understanding of how the anorexic feels. There is a very telling line from Hilary Mantel’s story about anorexia in the movie “The Heart Fails Without Warning”where the doctor treating the patient says:

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“When she looks in a mirror, God knows what she sees. You can’t get hold of it, can you, what goes on in that head of hers? She imagines things that aren’t there.”

11. They have an excellent chance of recovery if they have treatment early on.

Many anorexics go on hiding their condition for years. They think they can sort it out themselves. And many families are unaware of the gravity of this illness. These two factors are a deadly combination. When anorexia is discovered early on, then there is an excellent chance of recovery.

They will be getting the support of a psychologist, nutritionist and loved ones as they start to recover. But there are three things for them to consider:

  1. They will need to regain control of healthy eating habits.
  2. They have to learn how to look after their emotional well being.
  3. And above all, they will need to learn to trust their loved ones who are supporting them.

12. They can be treated in a special residential treatment center.

There may be cases where the patient’s family situation or her general health warrants admittance to a specialized clinic. The patient is then assisted by a wide range of experts who work in tandem to ensure that the patient improves in a relaxed and caring setting.

And luckily, some of these centers may be covered by private health insurance.

Let us know in the comments how you helped a loved one to recover from anorexia.

Featured photo credit: Naked skinny woman sitting on a wooden chest via shutterstock.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on October 15, 2019

How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

What is success to you? How to be successful in life?

To some, when they think of success, they imagine wealth; others want power; some just want to make a positive impact on the world.

All of these are perfectly valid, indeed success is a concept that means different things to different people. Though no matter what success is to you, it almost certainly isn’t something will come easily.

There are countless guides and books to being successful, however, as success is personal and unique to each individual. The advice contained in these books can often not be relevant. Therefore following the advice of a single individual can often be unhelpful.

With this in mind, considering the advice of a great many people, people whose ideas of success were different both to each other, and quite possibly, to you can be a good alternative.

What follows is a list of thirteen of the best pieces of advice from some of the most successful people who have ever lived. If you want to learn how to be successful, these 13 tips are essential:

1. Think Big

    From Michelangelo Buonarroti, Great Renaissance Artist:

    “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

    There are few artists as influential as Michaelangelo. Today centuries after his death, his work still inspires and connects to people. His work is world famous, just think of his statue of David, or the Mural in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.

    Imagine then, if he decided not to work as an artist.

    Being a successful artist has always been extremely difficult, imagine if he decided to give up this ambition in favour of something easier?

    Oftentimes, people often decided to put their dreams aside for something more “realistic”. To give up their dream for something easier. This quote teaches us the danger of such a point of view.
    Instead be ambitious.

    2. Find What You Love to Do and Do It

      From Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul:

      “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.”

      This is a good quote to remember and think about when you’re at work.

      Imagine being as successful as possible in your current job. Ultimately you’ll probably find yourself working extremely hard and this it will take up much of your time.

      If it’s a job you hate, then being successful at it might only mean filling your life with something you hate to do. What’s the sense in this?

      Instead, why not focus on doing something you love? When you’ve found what you’re passionate about, you get the motivation to keep you moving. Success at this means the fulfilment of your dreams.

      Not sure what your passion is yet? You should learn about this Motivation Engine first.

      Even if you’re not successful, you still filled your time with something you love to do. Many successful musicians spent years of their lives doing unpaid performances, the only reason they kept playing was because they loved to perform.

      3. Learn How to Balance Life

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        From Phil Knight, CEO of Nike Inc.:

        “There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”

        All too often, people think that to be successful, they need to make the object of their success their life.

        If a person thinks their job will lead them to success, then they may spend countless hours per day, and well into the evening working hard.

        However this comes at the cost of rest, your health and having an enjoyable life. Ultimately they may burn out and cease to be successful at their job anyway.

        If success comes from having a strong social life and a good group of friends, their job may suffer; meaning that they may lose their job, and then be unable to afford going out with friends.

        In these ways, success, as Phil Knight says above, is helped by balance. Think of it as a balance between rest and work, or work and play.

        To achieve that balance, this Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life can help you.

        4. Do Not Be Afraid of Failure

          From Henry Ford, Founder of Ford Motors:

          “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

          There is a story, it’s unconfirmed whether it actually happened, yet the message within is none the less true:

          Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb was the result of several hundred failed attempts. In an interview, he was asked “How do you feel after all of your failed attempts?”

          His response was great, “I didn’t fail, I learned hundreds of ways not to invent the lightbulb”

          He saw each “failure” as a lesson. From that lesson he learned what won’t work, and also might work instead.

          Each failed attempt, each rejection, were key steps on his path to success. It is easy to feel like you should give up after a failure. But perhaps in that failure is a lesson.

          Pay attention to your failures, study them. Perhaps then you’ll learn how to succeed.

          If you find it difficult to fight your fear of failure, here’s a guide for you: Why You Have the Fear of Failure (And How to Conquer It Step-By-Step)

          5. Have an Unwavering Resolution to Succeed

            From Colonel Sanders, Founder of KFC:

            “I made a resolve then that I was going to amount to something if I could. And no hours, nor amount of labor, nor amount of money would deter me from giving the best that there was in me. And I have done that ever since, and I win by it. I know.”

            This, in many ways relates to the above quote about learning from your failures.

            It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up from a failure. The only way to push on is if you have the true burning desire to succeed, to not be moved or dissuaded from your goals.

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            If you are not truly dedicated towards success, then each failure will hurt more, each set back will slow you down.

            Success is hard; without the unwavering desire to succeed, this difficulty may seem insurmountable. With the desire, it is merely an obstacle to go through.

            6. Be a Person of Action

              From Leonardo da Vinci, Renaissance Genius:

              “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

              Though it was said hundreds of years ago, it works just as much today as it ever had. It applies to literally any successful person.

              Think about it, picture someone like William Shakespeare:

              When we think of the time he lived in, we think of the time in a way shaped by him. When we think of Renaissance era Italy, we think of Michelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci. Or think about the present day, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Our current way of life would simply be incomparably different if they didn’t accomplish what they did.

              You’re probably reading this article on a device by a company that they either founded or companies influenced by them.

              All these figures were proactive, they saw ways to do things differently and did them. If they let the world shape them, then they’d simply fit into the background. Instead they shaped the world.

              Applying this to you?

              Don’t be afraid of going outside the norm. If you can think of a better way to do something, do it that way. If you fail, try again.

              7. Cultivate Positive Relationships

                From Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of America: “

                The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”

                The best leaders and some of the most influential people (and Theodore Roosevelt is one of the best leaders and one of the most influential people to have lived) were not those who caused commotions, who fought with people or disregarded people; but were people who were friendly to those around them.

                People liked them. They wanted them to do well.

                This is key to good leadership.

                It’s logical. If someone likes you, they want to help you; if you give them a suggestion, they’ll gladly follow through with it.

                But if someone doesn’t like you, they may either refuse to help or actively get in your way.

                What’s more, it’s always a good idea to cultivate good relationships. You can never tell who will prove to become someone who’ll be able to help you in a big way, or even be a good and supportive friend.

                As such, help people and they may help you; and be good to people, and they my be good to you.

                8. Don’t Be Afraid of Introducing New Ideas

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                  From Mark Twain, Famed Author:

                  “A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

                  It is an unfortunate truth that those with the boldest ideas are often disregarded.

                  Most of us are taught from an early age to think and do things similarly to everyone else. This can be great to fill an existing role. But to truly do things differently (and all successful people did things differently), you need to think differently.

                  If you have a new idea, don’t throw it away because it’s new and different; instead, celebrate it. Your strange new idea might one day be the one that leads you to success.

                  9. Believe in Your Capacity to Succeed

                    From Walter Disney, Founder of Walt Disney Company:

                    “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

                    Success has to be something you can imagine yourself achieving.

                    It is possible that you will come across those who doubt you and your ability to succeed. You must not become one of these people because the moment you cease believing and dreaming is the moment these dreams fall away.

                    Keep dreaming!

                    10. Always Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude

                      From Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of America:

                      “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

                      Like the above quote says, you need to trust in your ability to succeed. This is the only way to cultivate the right mindset.

                      Replace negative thoughts with the positive ones. You need to approach problems, not as obstacles stopping you, but merely tasks that need to be completed for you to keep going.

                      If you stay positive and think like this, setbacks won’t affect you so much, people’s doubts won’t impact you and even the biggest obstacles will seem like minor problems.

                      However with the wrong mindset of doubt, you’ll be much easier to stop.

                      11. Don’t Let Discouragement Stop You from Pressing On

                        From Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of America:

                        “Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.”

                        It is an unfortunate fact of human nature — all of us in some way, doubt ourselves. This can be made far worse if others doubt us too.

                        When surrounded by doubts, giving up can actually seem like a good idea.

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                        Don’t pay attention to the doubts. If you are discouraged, ignore it.

                        If this discouragement moves into your mind and you begin to doubt yourself. It is important to ignore this too.

                        This is How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and How to Overcome It

                        12. Be Willing to Work Hard

                          From JC Penny, Founder of JC Penney Inc.:

                          “Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.”

                          You might have heard the quote that “success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” or you may have heard about the 10,000 hours idea.

                          Whichever way you frame it, they say one thing:

                          True success comes from work.

                          You’ll never become successful if you don’t work towards your goal in life and keep working towards it.

                          Check out this article and you’ll understand Why Hard Work Beats Talent.

                          13. Be Brave Enough to Follow Your Intuition

                            From Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple Inc.:

                            “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

                            In ancient Greece, there was a group of Oracles who lived in Delphi. Everyone who needed advice or to know their future visited them, from the poorest of society to kings. Above the doorway of the temple were the words “know thyself”.

                            If you strongly believe and desire something, chances are that you already have an idea how to get there. If not, you may naturally know what things will help you and what things will slow you down.

                            It’s like how your body can detect danger even when things seem safe.

                            Ultimately then, you need to trust your own instincts.

                            Final Thoughts

                            What you might have noticed is that many of the above lessons are similar — most are about developing the right state of mind. This clearly suggests that the key to achieving success, in whatever you wish, comes down to the way you approach it mentally.

                            Moreover, no matter what stage of life you’re at now, you can still make a difference and pursue success. You can make resetting your life possible when you do this: How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

                            More to Help You Succeed in Life

                            Featured photo credit: Ryan Wong via unsplash.com

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