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Starting Today You Can Be As Happy As You Wish…If You Get Rid Of These 10 Deadly Habits.

Starting Today You Can Be As Happy As You Wish…If You Get Rid Of These 10 Deadly Habits.

You’ve been on a path your whole life that you thought would bring happiness, but instead you’re feeling far from it. Destination: Lost.

Humans are imperfect, that’s for sure! But if something feels off-kilter these days and you’re not where you want to be, here are ten possible reasons that you’re driving on the wrong road away from happiness.

1. Holding on to the past

Whether you’re holding on to good or bad memories, spending your life in another time or place does not propel you forward into something for the better. Pay attention to what you are doing right now, today. Learn from your past experiences, thoughts, and feelings, and live now; beauty can unfold in magical ways right in front of you if you just look.

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2. Negative self-talk

“I’m not good enough,” is a poisonous thought. Each day, write down ten affirmations or things you like about yourself. This is probably the easiest way to rewire your brain if you keep at it. Love doing you: just because someone you really cared about never loved you, it doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself. In the end, your love and positivity will matter more, rather than relying on others to find it.

3. Procrastinating

Sometimes it seems like the internet is usually one big procrastination machine where you can’t get anything done. You have an automatic switch in your head – when a due date is nigh, it’s suddenly time to watch season one of Beverly Hills: 90210! Start with one imperfect baby step at a time instead of putting off a task. The more you “forget” about what you need to do, the more you end up actually thinking about it.

4. Blaming others

It feels justified to blame others because you know it’s not your fault things turned out the way they did. But blaming others when you’re having a tough time means that you’re denying responsibility. In fact, you’re making the problem worse by self-victimizing. If you’re really upset about a situation, allow yourself to feel the feeling of anger or fear, or whatever it is, instead of blaming someone else for it. Then when you’re ready, let go.

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5. Living for a paycheck

There’s actually nothing more soul-destroying than working a job you hate just for the money. Work takes up a large percentage of your life, and if you’re not happy in life, the money truly won’t matter. Do work that defines who you are. Who are you, anyway? Take some time to figure that out, ask yourself uncomfortable questions, and slowly start finding an imperfect path to fulfillment.

6. Never opening the door to challenge

Never accepting challenges is like never wanting to change. Hiding in a corner because you’ve always done that because you never felt loved and you felt ashamed for these feelings will never empower you to be something beyond that. You’ll be stuck in that corner forever, perpetuating the cycle. Tackle the problem one day at a time instead of running away from it. If you’re a shy recluse who doesn’t leave the house, go out in public once a day and look someone in the eye before you move on to your bigger fears.

7. Comparing yourself to others

Your life does not revolve around your fantasy of what other people’s lives appear to be on the surface. You’re looking at Sally’s job at the Best Company Ever and thinking that she must have the Best Life Ever, when, in fact, there’s a total disaster area happening in another part of her life. If you often catch yourself comparing yourself to others, consider deactivating your social media channels for a day and see how you feel. Studies on how Facebook affects self-esteem may very well apply to you.

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8. Being ungrateful

Learn to become grateful for the bad experiences you’ve had or the mistakes you’ve made. Sit and dwell and feel crappy about it if you have to – it’s better than denying it. You just got fired, and yes, it’s going to feel pretty bad for a long time. But you learned that the job wasn’t right for you. Now it’s time to embark on a new, better path. Wake up each day thankful to be alive. Notice what you have that others do not.

9. Not being nice to yourself

Practice self-compassion. Ugh, not another one of those words again, like “affirmation.” But trust me, being fully with yourself in a loyal, nonjudgmental way is one step to happiness. Don’t say anything to yourself you wouldn’t say to a friend or family member that you love. You need care, concern and unconditional acceptance as much as the next person.

10. Trying to be someone you’re not

Your whole life, your parents pressured you to get good grades so you’d end up in medical or law school. But that’s never what you wanted. At some point, analyze the mental childhood conditioning you’ve been brought up with. Check in with yourself. Wanting to be pretty and rich might really mean wanting attention, which might really mean wanting to be loved for who you are. It’s time to start digging deep!

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Related: Here are 15 Things You Need to Give Up if You Want to Be Happy.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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