“Realize what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold.” ~ William Moulton Marsden
Trying to discover your life’s purpose can be frustrating if you don’t know where to start. It all begins when you know there is more to life and more to who you are. You are that person who can go out there and make a difference in the world by finding purpose and being on the right path. You have everything you need right now for that discovery. In this post you will discover your purpose by taking action steps that will help you get there. See this as a mini course because when you’re done reading (and writing), you will have discovered things about yourself you probably didn’t think of as important until now.
Do what makes you unique
Your uniqueness often means to non-conform with the rest of the world. Find your own strengths, passions and values. Walk away from what seems conventional and follow you heart, blazing your own trail.Advertising
Use your own guidance
Get in touch with your feelings how you feel when you’re doing something? This may be in your job, when doing a task or hobby. When do you lose track of time? What are you doing? Keep a notebook handy or use your phone to record these moments. Because feelings are the key to doing what you love (or don’t like). Do the things you love more often by being conscious of how you feel when doing something.
When you were a child, what did you dream of doing when older?
(Before other people crushed this idea) Create quiet time because we are about to go back to when your imagination would go wild and create images of you doing amazing things. What was it that you told everyone you wanted to be? What did you love to do? Where did you love to go?
What do you really love to do?
No seriously, have you ever asked yourself this question and answered honestly? Do it now.Advertising
Ask yourself what you’d do if there were no limitations.
What if I told you there were no limits – only the ones you keep placing on yourself stopping you from moving forward. For this exercise create two columns on a piece of paper, with your main goal at the top. In the first column write down a list of ways you WILL complete the goal; the second column is for all the things that stop you from reaching the goal. BUT you don’t need to write anything there because every time you do think of something that will hold you back just shout “NEXT!” Then write another way you CAN get there. Then execute.
What gives you the greatest feelings of value, importance and satisfaction?
This question speaks for itself, but instead of just writing it down I’m going to ask you to lie down or sit somewhere comfortable and visualize a scenario or a few where you have felt valued, important or satisfied. Hopefully this will shed light on what you ought to be doing more often!
What is one great thing you would dare to dream if you could not fail?
If your dream is to make a big change in the world for the betterment of humanity, what makes you think you can’t. Try getting to the core of your fears then work on eliminating them one by one. Here is something that will help you: How To Live Your Dream And Overcome Fear.
If you had all the money in the world what would you do?
Make a list, kind of like a bucket list, and see what amazing things you would be doing. Where would you go? What kind of lifestyle would you live?
Do you have beliefs that are holding you back?
Is there something you really want to do but have limiting beliefs that are holding you back, because you don’t believe you are good enough? Your beliefs may seem real when in fact they’re something you have learned to accept even if they’re not true. Maybe you have a talent you don’t think is good enough. Maybe you think you won’t have enough time. Maybe you don’t think others will care. Whatever the case it’s time to step back and take a look from a different perspective and answer these questions:Advertising
- What would I have to believe in order to do something I am passionate about?
- What ideas would I have to believe to follow my heart?
- In order for me to find my purpose how do I believe that?
Make a list of 10 goals you would like to achieve within the next three years, in the present tense. Select the one goal from that list that would have the greatest positive impact on your life. Make a list of everything that will move you toward your goal. Determine how you will measure progress and success in achieving this goal. Write it down. Take immediate action on at least one thing.
“The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible.” ~ Richard M. DeVos
Featured photo credit: Michael Chen via flickr.com
Published on May 4, 2021
How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)
They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?
In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.
Table of Contents
How to Spot Fake People?
When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.
Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.
1. Full of Themselves
Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”
Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.
2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions
Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.
It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.
3. Zero Self-Reflection
To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.
Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.
4. Unrealistic Perceptions
Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.
A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).
5. Love Attention
As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.
6. People Pleaser
Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.
Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.
7. Sarcasm and Cynicism
Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.
8. Crappy friend
Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.
It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.
The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.
How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?
It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.
There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.
Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.
2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally
Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.
3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel
If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.
4. Ask for Advice
If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.
Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.
5. Dig Deeper
Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.
Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.
6. Practice Self-Care!
Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!
Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.
Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.
Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.
We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!
More Tips on Dealing With Fake People
- 7 Types of Fake Friends That Are Secretly Bringing You Down
- 11 Differences Between Real Friends and Fake Friends
- How Fake Friendships on the Social Media Get in Your Way of Real Friendships
Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com