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Your Life Will Be Much Better If You Can Do These 10 Things

Your Life Will Be Much Better If You Can Do These 10 Things

Life is all about learning. The ups and downs. The triumphs and falls. For those at the bottom looking up to the people at the top of the success ladder, it seems as if they got there so effortlessly. So what is their one ingredient to success? What has been their one magic ingredient pushing them forward?

It isn’t just one thing that pushes someone to success, but a series of attitudes and habits that they adopt over the years, developing habits that can help push them further, in order to achieve more. What I have learnt personally and observed from others over the years, is that when you feel like quitting, taking a break or simply not sure of how to reach your goal, it is important to know how to spur yourself back on.

The art in reaching your goals and pushing yourself forward is to not quit. By not quitting you are still outdoing those with their butts on the sofa making excuses. So even if you think you are making little to no progress, you are! Sure, sometimes it is tough, tiring or tedious but if it is worth having, you can push yourself on.

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We all lose our way sometimes, taking our eyes off the bigger picture or our main goal. We’re human, after all! But the problem isn’t when you fall or stumble, the problem occurs when you don’t get back on the horse and carry on! Reminding yourself and pushing yourself on (even when you’re fed up, tired or ready to quit) is what separates the winners from the losers.

So whether your goal is to run a marathon, start your new business or grab that promotion, here are 10 easily digestible things you can do to keep on going toward success.

1. Know that you CAN cope

Whenever you reach a hurdle or a setback, just knowing that you can cope with whatever comes your way (even unexpectedly), will help spur you on. If you’re facing a challenging time, and adopt the attitude that you can’t overcome it, then you’re going to struggle to push yourself on. Knowing that you can cope with anything that life throws at you will help you take one step in front of the other, helping to push yourself on toward achieving.

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2. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good

This is something my first boss taught me four years ago and I have never forgotten it.  “Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good,” she used to tell me all the time. In my desperation to be perfect at work and not make mistakes (I wanted to make a good impression), I was putting undue stress on myself. Of course it is good to keep pushing and developing yourself, but don’t aim for perfection because it simply isn’t achievable. Aim to improve yourself, one small step at a time, but focus on the journey and don’t let perfection be the destination.

3. Know that one bad day is not the end of the world

When you are on the path to reaching your goals, think of the end goal as if you will have won the war. Along the way there will be a series of battles that you have to win, but you won’t be able to win them all. But that doesn’t matter, because you don’t have to win all the battles to win the main war, just the majority. If you are having a bad day, week, month or even year, try to see the bigger picture in terms of your end goal. Chances are that in the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter. If you can remind yourself that one bad day isn’t the end of the world, you’ll be able to push yourself on so much further.

4. Ask questions

In my experience, most people don’t ask enough questions – either they are too scared or embarrassed or they just cat be bothered. I don’t know why, but we seem to live in a culture where asking questions implies that you aren’t clever. The beauty of asking questions however, is that you can find out more and learn from others by doing so. By picking the brains of experts, you can absorb their knowledge without having made the mistakes and experiences they did. Ask questions to the right people and you can help to reach your goals.

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5. See challenges, not problems

When pushing further, one thing that really helps is if you can adopt an attitude where you don’t see problems but see challenges, solutions and experiences. At the end of the day, life is one big learning curve. Of course life is going to throw hurdles at you, and there will be times that you’ll struggle and have to overcome problems, but so long as you’re still standing and come out the other side, you’ve pushed yourself further. A positive can-do attitude won’t magically make difficulties disappears but they will help you overcome them, making way for a happier and more successful time.

6. Feel the emotions

Life is full of ups and downs and if it wasn’t, it would probably be pretty boring! When reaching your goals and pushing yourself further, it helps if you can be open to the emotions that come with it. There will be times of joy and for celebration, and there will also be times when all you want to do is curl up and not leave the house. But it is O.K. to cry! Don’t fight the emotions, but instead ride them through. You’ll come out stronger on the other side.

7. Don’t compare yourself to others

Unless you’re someone like Beyonce or Jay Z, Victoria Beckham or Bill Gates (with his $79 billion wealth), then there is always going to be someone who is more successful, prettier, skinnier, has a better job, earns more money, has more friends or has a more luxurious lifestyle than you. Don’t compare yourself with others. You should be pushing yourself on because you want to and not because you feel you have to in order to “keep up with the Joneses”.  Besides, the person with the five bedroom house and two sports cars sitting in the drive might not even be that happy! You are your own benchmark.

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8. Eat healthy and exercise

You cannot expect to climb mountains and achieve great things if your body and mind aren’t running at full capacity. Your body needs to be correctly fueled, maintained and trained if you are expecting to achieve. The only way to ensure all cylinders are firing efficiently is to be healthy, in both mind and body. Eating healthily and exercising are key to this. A simple formula, but it works and anyone can adopt this habit. Of course you don’t have to go overboard – no one likes the obsessive person who is down at the gym every spare hour, nor would life be fun without the odd chocolate cake – but make sure you’re taking the right steps to be ensure a good well-being.

9. Know that you control your life

The beauty in life is that you are in the driver’s seat. It is up to you how you steer your life and what the end destination is. If you can drive yourself in the right direction, you’ll be giving yourself the power to go where you want to. Knowing this and doing this will help spur you on, especially on those days when you don’t feel like it. Of course, we can’t predict or stop external circumstances, but you can do your best to swerve to avoid them or drive right over them.

10. Know that success isn’t linear

Over the years the one thing that has really struck me and helped me spur myself on is knowing that success isn’t a linear straight line shooting up. It’s sometimes one step forward, two steps back, followed by a going-round-in-circles until you are dizzy! By accepting this you will feel more empowered than ever. Knowing what success really looks like reminds us on those ‘bad’ days that it is O.K., and progress is still being made.

Finally, the most important thing you can do in life on your road to success is to have fun!
Whatever you do, put some love and life into it. That way, when there are tough days, at least you can do it all with bit of a smile!

Featured photo credit: viktor hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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