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If You Can’t Stop Doing These 10 Things, You’re Not Ready To Get Married

If You Can’t Stop Doing These 10 Things, You’re Not Ready To Get Married

Tying the knot is a big decision, a life-changing one at that. Then why do we see some people so eager to lock it down as well as some people so afraid of marriage that they convince their friends and relatives to never ever to fall in this trap.

You must have met both the types at some point of your life or other. You may have faced the same dilemma yourself. Wondering whether this person is right for you. You love each other a lot. Nothing can go wrong. And you are gonna live happily ever after. But what if something goes wrong? What if you lose interest in each other after a few years? What will happen to our marriage?

There are no clear cut answers to those questions or definite rules according to which you can decide whether your partner is the right choice or not. But you can definitely decide a few things for yourself. If you can’t stop doing these 10 things, you’re not ready to get married.

1. You keep thinking about a future which you cannot see your partner in.

You want to become a billionaire, buy an island and travel the world but cannot speculate how your partner feels about it. You keep thinking about your own long term goals without showing much interest in his/her aims in life. These things matter a lot. If this is the case with you, you are probably more inclined to lead your life as a lone wolf.

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2. You cannot stand a single dispute or disagreement with your partner.

Instead of trying to work things out, you either tend to shut off or lose your calm and start having second thoughts about your choice. This clearly shows that you are emotionally not ready for any big fights that may come in the future after marriage. You don’t seem to understand the fact that relationships require patience and a lot of work.

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    3. You have trust issues.

    It may be that you were neglected by your mom or dad, betrayed by your best friend or dumped by your ex. You don’t seem to trust anybody other than yourself and you don’t allow anyone to come near you emotionally. You feel guarded that way. You constantly fight the urge to check on your partner’s texts, calls or emails. If you fall in this category, you are definitely not ready to get hitched at the moment.

    4. You totally avoid meeting your partner’s friends and family members.

    You feel alienated and weird around them. If you don’t want to spend a minute more than necessary with your future in-laws, you probably don’t see them as your future in-laws.

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    5. You constantly find ways to get your partner to change and cannot accept/love them for who they are.

    You feel that you do this to better your relationship. But you don’t realize that this will ultimately cause resentment on both sides. You cannot wait for him/her to get inspired to change for the better. You want to take all the matters in your hand. If this sounds familiar, you might want to think again before popping the question.

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      6. You just don’t like sharing.

      Period. Be it food, electricity bills, a new wardrobe, a few chairs, anything. It may be that you are not very confident about the whole idea of getting married, staying together, share your life, etc. You want a clear sense of who owns what.

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        7.  You are really jealous.

        It’s even cute sometimes (in limits). But if you are the person who can go to lengths to make your partner jealous despite the fact that it makes him or her very uneasy, you have huge fights with them because of this habit. If you crack jokes about breaking up or you wish to hook up with someone else, you are surely not marriage material.

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          8. You are indecisive.

          You cannot decide what to have for dinner. You are not so sure of your career choice. You have a hard time believing that someone would ask you about your opinion on something. If this is you, you need a lot of time to even start thinking about your marriage.

          9. You lie.

          Every time. When you are asked the reason of being late. When you are asked a simple question of whether you had your lunch or not. When you are asked to give your partner a lift from workplace. You make silly excuses for various stuff. You just cannot be honest. Maybe you have valid reasons for lying and cheating. But it’s not the way you want to spend your entire life, right?

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            10. You don’t want to deal with your issues and baggage.

            Probably you are too lazy to do so. But this will eventually catch up with you and you can never have a deep relationship with your partner till you clear things from your past up .

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              So, take your own time and decide what’s best for you.

              Featured photo credit: Emily Goodstein via flickr.com

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              1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

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              Last Updated on May 21, 2019

              How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

              How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

              For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

              If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

              Example 1

              You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

              You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

              In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

              Example 2

              You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

              People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

              You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

              Example 3

              You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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              The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

              Example 4

              You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

              Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

              If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

              Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

              • Understand your own communication style
              • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
              • Communicate with precision and care
              • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

              1. Understand Your Communication Style

              To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

              In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

              Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

              2. Learn Others Communication Styles

              Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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              If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

              “How do you prefer to receive information?”

              This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

              To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

              3. Exercise Precision and Care

              A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

              On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

              Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

              I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

              I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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              In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

              The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

              Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

              4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

              Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

              In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

              “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

              Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

              Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

              It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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              It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

              It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

              Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

              Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

              The Bottom Line

              When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

              I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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              Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

              Reference

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