Advertising
Advertising

Why There’s Nothing Wrong with Being a Pessimist

Why There’s Nothing Wrong with Being a Pessimist

If fluffy, sunshine-y words of wisdom make you want to vomit, then you’ve come to the right place. I’m one of the many Eeyores of the world who doesn’t believe in positive thinking – if I’m having a crappy day, I don’t want to hear that “everything’s going to be alright,” or “things could be so much worse,” or I need to “find the silver lining.”

Just because my day wasn’t as bad as someone else’s doesn’t give anyone the right to trivialize my feelings and encourage me to frolic in a meadow singing, “The Hills Are Alive.” I want a stiff drink and the right to feel how I feel so I can regroup and move on.

Advertising

It’s called “defensive pessimism.”

Pessimism gets a bad rap because it’s commonly associated with doom and negativity, but for a lot of people, being a pessimist doesn’t mean expecting the worst of every situation or blinding themselves from what’s good in life. It’s a way to mentally and emotionally prepare for what might go wrong. You know, in case it does. We tend to go by the mantra, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.” We set lower expectations (but expectations, nonetheless), so that if something does go wrong, we’re armed and ready to deal with it.

From personal experience, I’ve found it to be a fantastic strategy, especially as a freelancer whose livelihood depends solely on myself. It’s kind of like creating an emergency kit for your well-being. It helps you get through challenges with a level head, and is a serious confidence-booster once you’ve seen the problem through to the end.

Advertising

Plus, it helps you live longer.

Just because you talk about kittens and rainbows to ward off the potential health issues associated with being a pessimist (hypochondria, depression, and heart disease to name a few) doesn’t mean you’re entirely off the hook. In fact, a recent study revealed pessimists are more likely to live longer due to their cautious nature.

How to Be a Better Pessimist

The fact is, we need to be both positive and negative – pessimist qualities stem from our fears, and are part of our very survival. Here’s how you can use being a defensive pessimist to your advantage:

Advertising

1. Use Pessimism As Motivation

Although defensive pessimists have low expectations, they use them as motivation to exceed them and thrive. From personal experience, it’s a huge confidence boost!

2. Use Pessimism to Decrease Anxiety

When you’re feeling anxious about a particular situation, you can use defensive pessimism to decrease your anxiety and prepare for the outcome you’re worried about. By considering your fears and what could go wrong, you’ll more likely to eventually say, “Failure shmailure,” and make one amazing comeback.

Advertising

3. Don’t Let It Take Over Your Life

As they say, “everything in moderation,” and being a defensive pessimist is no different. You don’t want to wring your hands about every little thing – it’s a waste of energy you should be putting toward enjoying your accomplishments. To that end:

  • Restrict your pessimism to what’s important for you to accomplish – professionally and personally.
  • When something small goes wrong, don’t turn it into an Armageddon-esque tragedy. Keep it small. Clean up the mess. Move on.

4. Don’t Listen to Positive People

When you’re tackling an issue – especially a stressful one – the worst thing you can do is turn to Little Miss Prozac for advice. Research has shown when someone tries to pressure a defensive pessimist to look at the bright side the exact opposite happens.

5. Don’t Burden Others with Your Pessimism

It’s better to keep your pessimistic nature to yourself around those who are uncomfortable with it. To each their own – plus, you don’t want them to feel obligated to cheer you up. Instead, find a trusted friend with a similar perspective to turn to.

How do you use pessimism to your advantage?

More by this author

Krissy Brady

A women's health & wellness writer with a short-term goal to leave women feeling a little more empowered and a little less verklempt.

20 Things to Do When You Feel Extremely Angry 11 Benefits of Almond Milk You Didn’t Know About 30 of the Best Quotes Ever That Will Inspire Your Life 11 Benefits of Drinking Lemon Water (And How to Drink It for Good Health) How to Be a Gentleman: 12 Timeless Tips

Trending in Communication

1 How to Practice Positive Thinking And Change Your Life 2 12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life 3 What Makes a Good Leader? 10 Essential Leadership Qualities 4 How Not to Be Boring (And Start to Be More Interesting) 5 11 Tips for Maintaining Your Positive Attitude

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

Advertising

2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

Advertising

Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

Advertising

Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

Advertising

Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

More About Finding Yourself

Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

Read Next