Advertising
Advertising

Why “The One” Isn’t The Person Who Loves You Most But Understands You Best

Why “The One” Isn’t The Person Who Loves You Most But Understands You Best

I’ve written a lot of articles about love and relationships lately, and I’ve been really proud of them. If you asked me five years ago, or even two years ago, if I’d know what true love and a quality relationship were, I’d probably laugh in your face. Love is hard to understand unless you experience it yourself – the good and the bad. But thankfully you can read from others’ mistakes and learn some quality lessons that will keep you from getting hurt or wasting time on the wrong person.

When you’re younger, it’s easy to think of love as being the most basic emotion, and therefore the simplest relationship – you love your partner and your partner loves you. In reality, it isn’t that simple. Love can take on many different forms, and it might seem like it’s always a positive emotion, but love can be dangerous and damaging. The wrong person can use love as a weapon. They could hold it against you, and make you act certain ways in order to “earn” their love. They may ask you to be somebody different than you truly are in order to keep their love. This isn’t true love, even though you may feel like this person loves you the most. This person isn’t worth being considered “the one,” because they’re using love as a pawn so they can play a game with you. It isn’t fair for you to live your life in constant fear of losing love just because you might do something your partner would consider “wrong” or “bad” – especially if you’re just being true to yourself.

Advertising

True love is unconditional. Your partner, the one who is truly “the one,” doesn’t necessarily love you more than anyone else you’ve ever dated. “The one” is the person who understands you most, because when someone truly understands you, they love you for you. They know how you think about things, how you’ll react in certain situations. When someone understands you, they know how to keep from hurting you. They won’t be inconsiderate or make unreasonable demands because they understand how you’ll feel as a result of these things.

Advertising

It’s important that whoever is “the one” also knows all about you. Understanding you is important on one level, because they’ll know how your mind and emotions work, but they also need the deeper understanding of why this is so. They need to know about your childhood and understand the circumstances of you growing up and becoming the adult you are today. They need to know about past relationships – good and bad. They need to know about things you’ve kept secret from even your best friend, because they need to know you fully. Having secrets in a relationship means you haven’t been completely open with your partner; it means that there are things you don’t like about yourself and worry they might be deal breakers in a relationship. This might be true, but whoever is “the one” is not going to consider anything about you to be a deal breaker. They’ll understand that you’re human, you’ve made mistakes – and they’ve made them too! Being totally open with your partner means that you expect them to do the same, and they should. You both need to be on equal ground in a relationship, and that means knowing everything about each other – and accepting it and loving each other regardless.

Advertising

Looks turn to wrinkles. Passion fades. Love can come and go, ebb and flow, but a deep understanding is the basis you need for a strong relationship. Make sure whoever you think is “the one” understands you more than anyone else ever has. Make sure you want to confide in them, make sure you want to tell them everything – from mundane happenings during the day, to your biggest dreams and fears. And, most importantly, make sure you’re willing to do the same for them.

Featured photo credit: Wikipedia via upload.wikimedia.org

Advertising

More by this author

16 Productivity Secrets of Highly Successful People Revealed Why You Should Keep A Journal And How To Get Started 10 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling That Make You Want to Cuddle Now 15 Differences Between the Boy you Date and the Man you Marry 10 Signs That You’re Ready For Marriage

Trending in Communication

1 7 Ways To Deal With Negative People 2 How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward 3 What Are Interpersonal Skills? Master Them for Better Relationships 4 How To Stop Negative Thoughts from Killing Your Confidence 5 This 4-Year Old Girl’s Explanation On the Problem with New Year’s Resolutions Is Everything You Need

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

Advertising

In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

Advertising

But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

Advertising

5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

Advertising

You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

Read Next