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What People Who Give Off Great First Impressions Do Differently

What People Who Give Off Great First Impressions Do Differently

Have you ever dreamed of confidently walking into a room and becoming the magnet of attraction? Admit it, it’s a yes.

Did you know that studies have shown that we accurately predict someone’s social, economic, education, success and confidence levels in less than three seconds? What conclusions did you come to the last time you met someone new?

93% of the impression you make is based on what you look like and how you sound. Words are only responsible for 7% of the initial impression. If you want to leave a great first impression, your appearance and tone of voice need to show confidence and self-esteem. Then the message of your words can take over.

So here are some of the most important things that people who make great first impressions don’t do.

1. They don’t dart their eyes.

How do you feel when you are in the middle of a conversation and the person you are talking to looks away to check out who else is in the room? You probably feel insignificant. So don’t do this to someone else. And if you dart your eyes more than once during a conversation, it becomes repulsive.

Keep a steady gaze and give your undivided attention and empathy through eye contact, a slight tilt of the head, leaning in and nodding.

2. They don’t say stupid things.

A former colleague once asked where I went to college. I said, “Cornell,” and his immediate response was, “How did you get into that school? Who did you pay to take your SATs for you?” My jaw dropped and so did those of other co-workers who heard him. I immediately thought he was a jerk for saying such a stupid thing.

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It’s likely the fact that I went to a great school triggered a part of him that felt inferior. A few months later, when he and I spent a day together working on a project, he said, “I never knew you were so interesting and deep. I really like you. I’m so sorry for what I said.” So my negative impression of him turned positive after spending so much time with him.

You will probably not get a second chance to undo a negative first impression. So it’s important for you to bite your tongue when you want to say something dumb. Think before you speak.

3. They don’t hide their vulnerabilities.

Being vulnerable means you are confident enough to express your feelings. “I’m a little apprehensive coming to events where I don’t know anyone. But I’ve found that as soon as I introduce myself to someone I don’t know, I feel good. Hi, my name is…” Or, if after some small talk, you feel you are not at your best and something else is on your mind, admit it. “I’m usually a little more lively but I just experienced a horrible break up.”

By showing your vulnerabilities first, the other person will more than likely reciprocate with what they have experienced. You’ve just made a much deeper connection than you would have otherwise.

4. They don’t brag about themselves.

Someone who talks on and on about how great they are is a big turn off. “I just bought a Porsche…I’m the Vice President of….I have a summer home in the Hamptons…Let me show you my wine cellar…etc.” Wait until you are asked to share more about your life. And when you do share, be humble.

5. They don’t look sloppy.

Everyone judges a book by its cover. How you show up is a reflection of your self-worth. You don’t want your appearance to turn people off. Show up presentable and polished.

6. They don’t forget to say the person’s name.

There is nothing sweeter than the sound of your own name. How did you feel the last time someone said your name in the middle of sentence? Probably pretty good. Because so few people remember to say a person’s name in the middle of a conversation, if you do this, you’ll leave a better impression than most.

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7. They don’t sneak peeks at their phone.

If you’ve been the on the receiving end of someone who constantly looks at their texts and emails as you talk to them, you probably felt unimportant and you probably wanted to drop the conversation and move on. Give the gift of your undivided attention. Because so few people do this, you will positively stand out.

8. They don’t have poker face. 

Lack of expression will look like you are holding something back or that you are socially awkward. A genuine smile makes you approachable and attractive.

9. They don’t walk like a wimp.

When someone walks with their shoulders slumped and looking down, what’s your impression? “What’s their problem? They look like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.” If you have burdens that hold you back from feeling good, do something about them so you can show up confident.

10. They don’t talk like a wimp.

Speaking tentatively and softly shows lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Work with a coach or therapist to overcome your fears so you can speak fearlessly and confidently.

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    11. They don’t forget to ask about people’s families.

    Find an opening to ask questions about family. Your connection will go deeper fast.

    12. They don’t talk excessively about their kids.

    Most people are not interested in hearing everything about your kids. Pick another topic.

    13. They don’t have negative self-talk.

    Ever been guilty of thinking, “I’m a loser, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m not smart, I’ll never amount to anything, etc.”? The more negative self-talk you have, the lower your energetic vibration and the more likely you will turn people off.

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    Positive thoughts such as, “I’m fabulous, I’m smart, I’m attractive, I’m loving,” emit positive energy and make you attractive.

    14. They don’t churn in the past.

    Just about everyone has emotional baggage. Some have more than others. If you have made lemonade out of your lemons of your negative experiences, share your story and inspire others.

    15. They don’t hide their bodies.

    Having 10 extra pounds on you is not going to ruin your first impression. When you are proud of your body, others will be attracted to your self-love energy.

    On the other hand, if you are too out of shape, it reflects a lack of self-love. So you need to get to the bottom of why you don’t love yourself enough to treat your body right.

    16. They don’t wait for others to approach them.

    If you approach others first, they will be impressed with your confidence at making them feel at ease. Everyone is waiting for someone else to go first. Why not let that be you?

    17. They don’t talk too much.

    You have one mouth and two ears. When you let others talk through asking questions because you are genuinely curious, you will leave a great impression because you are making the other person feel important about what they have to say.

    18. They don’t monopolize the conversation.

    If you are on the receiving end of someone who is very attentive to what you have to say, just remember to reciprocate and make it a two-way conversation. Reciprocate and ask questions about them so that you can leave a great impression too.

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    19. They don’t interrupt.

    It’s rude to cut someone off in the middle of a sentence. If you’ve been on the receiving end of this you know how bad this feels. So don’t do this to someone else. Wait until they are finished before you speak.

    20. They don’t just ask small talk questions. 

    Small talk is fine when you first meet someone, but it won’t help you make a lasting bonds. When appropriate, go deeper with more powerful questions. These questions also help to make them feel validated and important.

    • What’s most exciting about what you do?
    • What would you like to be doing three years from now? What’s your mission?
    • What’s the biggest challenge you have with getting to the next level? Maybe I have someone in my network I can introduce you to help you get there.

    21. They don’t hold back compliments.

    The #1 most important human need is to be validated and appreciated. Give sincere compliments freely. “I love your dress.” “I love your tie.” “I admire the passion you have for raising money for the Cancer Society.”

    22. They don’t hesitate to touch.

    Touching appropriately mean a soft touch to the elbow, back or shoulder. When the moment is right, take advantage of the this sincere gesture, you will be instantly seen as more attractive and likable.

    23. They don’t hesitate to help others.

    Help solve other’s problems first. Maybe it’s a tip, maybe it’s an introduction to someone in your network. In return, the Universe will eventually show you the help you need to take your life to the next level.

    24. They don’t forget to follow up within 24 hours.

    How did you feel when an acquaintance followed through with something? You were probably pleasantly surprised because very few people follow through with promises. Follow up right away to leave a lasting great impression.

    Bottom line:

    You only have three seconds to make a great first impression. If you want to be the magnet of attraction, not only do you need to have confidence and self-esteem, you also need to show verbally and nonverbally that you are genuinely happy to get to know them. The more you make the other person feel comfortable, heard and seen, the more you will be instantly liked and leave a great and lasting impression. Conversely, if you are too self-absorbed, people will avoid you like the plague when you walk into a room.

     

    Resources to further your learning:
    Basic techniques of winning others over: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
    Advanced techniques of winning others over: Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

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    Last Updated on May 17, 2019

    This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

    This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

    The pursuit of worthwhile goals is a part of what makes life enjoyable. Being able to set a goal, then see yourself progress towards achieving that goal is an amazing feeling.

    But do you know the biggest obstacle for most people trying to achieve their goals, the silent dream killer that stops people before they ever even get started? That obstacle is the comfort zone, and getting stuck there is bound to derail any efforts you make towards achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

    If you want to achieve those goals, you’ll have to break free from your comfort zone. Let’s take a look at how your life will change once you build up the courage to leave your comfort zone.

    What Is the Comfort Zone?

    The comfort zone is defined as “a behavioural state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.”

    What stands out to me the most about that definition is the last part: “using a limited set of behaviours to deliver a steady level of performance.” How many successful people do you know who deliver a steady level of performance?

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    The goal in life is to continually challenge yourself, and continually improve yourself. And in order to do that, you have move out of your comfort zone. But once you do, your life will start to change in ways you could never have imagined. I know because it’s happening right now in my own life.

    Here’s what I’ve learned.

    1. You will be scared

    Leaving your comfort zone isn’t easy. In fact, in can be downright terrifying at times, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to feel a little trepidation when you’re embarking on a journey that forces you to try new things.

    So don’t freak out or get overwhelmed when you feel yourself getting a little scared. It’s perfectly normal and all part of the process. What’s important is that you don’t let that fear hold you back. You must continue to take action in the face of fear.

    That’s what separates winners from losers.

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    2. You will fail

    Stepping out of your comfort zone means you’re moving into uncharted territory. You’re trying things that you’ve never tried before, and learning things you’ve never learned before.

    That steep learning curve means you’re not going to get everything right the first time, and you will eventually fail when you move out of your comfort zone. But as long as the failures aren’t catastrophic, it can actually be a good thing to fail because …

    3. You will learn

    Failure is the best teacher. I’ve learned more from each one of my failures than I have from each one of my successes. When you fail small, and fail often, you rapidly increase the rate at which you learn new insights and skills. And that new knowledge, if applied correctly, will eventually lead to your success.

    4. You will see yourself in a different way

    Once you move out of your comfort zone, you immediately prove to yourself that you’re capable of achieving more than you thought was possible. And that will change the way you see yourself.

    Moving forward, you’ll have more confidence in yourself whenever you step out of your comfort zone, and that increased confidence will make it more likely that you continue to step outside your comfort zone. And each time you do, you’ll prove to yourself again and again what you’re really capable of.

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    5. Your peers will see you in a different way

    Whether we want to admit or not, people judge other people. And right now, people view you in a certain way, and they have a certain idea of what you’re capable of. That’s because they’ve become accustomed to seeing you operate in your comfort zone.

    But once you move out of your comfort zone, you’ll prove to other people, as well, that you’re capable of much more than you’ve shown in the past.

    The increased confidence other people place in you will bring about more opportunities than ever before.

    6. Your comfort zone will expand

    The good thing about the comfort zone is that it’s flexible and malleable. With each action you take outside of your comfort zone, it expands. And once you master that new skill or action, it eventually becomes part of your comfort zone.

    This is great news for you because it means that you can constantly increase and improve upon the behaviors that you’re comfortable with. And the more tools and skills you have at your disposal, the easier it will be to achieve your goals.

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    7. You will increase your concentration and focus

    When you’re living inside of your comfort zone, the bulk of your actions are habitual: automatic, subconscious, and requiring limited focus.

    But once you move out of your comfort zone, you no longer rely on those habitual responses. You’re forced to concentrate and focus on the new action in a way you never do in your comfort zone.

    8. You will develop new skills

    Moving out of your comfort zone requires that you develop new skills. One of the many benefits you’ll experience is that you’ll be stepping away from the “limited set of behaviors” and start to develop your ability and expertise in new areas.

    Living inside of your comfort zone only requires a limited skill set, and those skills won’t contribute much to your success. Once you can confidently step outside of your comfort zone and learn a new skill, there’s no limit to how much you can achieve.

    9. You will achieve more than before

    With everything that happens once you move out of your comfort zone, you’re naturally going to achieve more than ever before.

    Your increased concentration and focus will help you develop new skills. Those new skills will change the way you see yourself, encouraging you to step even further out of your comfort zone.

    Featured photo credit: Josef Grunig via farm3.staticflickr.com

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