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The Important Things and Advice to know that People Generally Aren’t Told about

The Important Things and Advice to know that People Generally Aren’t Told about

What are important things and advice to know that people generally aren’t told about? Here’s a great answer we found in Quora by Marcus Geduld who provides some valuable tips on life improvement.

1. Marry your best friend.

I am truly amazed that I have the most successful marriage of all my friends — going strong after fifteen years. Most of my friends are amazed, too, because, growing up, I was the geek who couldn’t get a girlfriend. I had almost no relationships until I was in my mid twenties. I got married at 29. I’m now 45 and still deeply in love. Meanwhile, I have seen so many of my friends get divorces and/or grind their teeth through loveless, combative relationships.

What I’ve noticed about these people is that, 90% of the time, (a) they got married really young and (b) they mistakenly thought that long-term romances work best when when they’re based entirely on lust and trivial shared tastes (e.g. “We both like the same bands.”)

Sometimes, I hear people say things like, “I’ve been dating this guy for a year. We get along okay, but sometimes I think about leaving… How do I know if he’s ‘the one’?” This makes me really sad, because it’s so obvious to me that my wife is ‘the one.’ Why? Because she’s my best friend. Whenever anything good or bad happens to me, she’s the person I want to tell! When I need advice, she’s the person I run to! When I need to laugh, she’s the person I joke around with!

If you don’t know that the other person is ‘the one,’ he or show is not. And though it sucks to be alone — believe me, I know: I was alone for years — it’s better than settling. Don’t settle. You’ll still be alone. It is very possible to be alone while being in a relationship. Many people are.

(Let me be really clear about what I mean by “don’t settle.” I don’t mean “look for someone who is perfect.” No one is perfect. I mean that if you feel luke-warm about someone, he’s not the one. If the person you’re with makes you continually unhappy, she’s not the one. Don’t settle for that because you think “it beats being alone.” It doesn’t. You evolved to think it does. Your selfish genes want you to mate. Your brain will continually tell you that nothing is worse that being alone. It’s wrong.)

The other sad thing I hear is “Bill is my best friend. We have so much in common. He’s always there for me. We talk for hours. I completely trust him and we have the exact same sense of humor … but … I don’t know … the spark isn’t there…”

When I hear this, I don’t say anything, because it’s none of my business, but I want to scream “GET OVER THIS ‘SPARK’ THING! STOP BELIEVING IN HOLLYWOOD VISIONS OF CATCHING SOMEONE’S EYE ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM! Jesus Christ! You found someone you connect with on so many levels, and you’re not getting down on your knees and proposing?!? Do you think you’re going to find 30 more people like that in your life?!?”

The “spark” doesn’t last, anyway. I’m not saying that sex dies or anything. I’m just saying that incredibly exciting, new romance feeling inevitably fades. But, if you’re lucky, what comes next is much, much better. You spend years in that loving, warm place with the person you know you want to grow old with. And if you have good communication with someone, the spark can come later, even if it’s not there at first.

Lots of people seem to learn this after a long time and a lot of pain. They marry the “bad boy” or the “hot chick” instead of their best friends, because doing so is more exciting. Then those marriages — which are based on nothing — fail. Sometimes, if these people are lucky, they later marry those best friends who they should have married in the first place. If they’re unlucky, they can’t, because the best friends have moved on.

See also:

— Marcus Geduld’s answer to Marriage: What are some tips for young people wanting to get married?

— Marcus Geduld’s answer to Marriage: What is the secret to a lasting marriage?

2. There’s no such thing as a “grown up,” and if you try to be one, you’ll wind up becoming a poser at best and a killjoy at worst.

First of all, if you’re waiting for that magic time when you’re finally there, give it up. As I ease into the middle age, I can see it will never happen. I will never have learned what I need to learn in order to be a grownup. I will never be 100% confident. I will never stop failing…

People who seem like they have it all together are either faking it or living such incredibly boring lives that they never face any challenges.

Let me be clear that I am a responsible person. So if all “grownup” means to you is “someone who does the dishes,” then — yes — I’m a grown up. But it’s not like when I was younger, I was a child … a child … a child … a child … and then I reached some particular birthday and — boing — I was an adult.

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God, I hate people who think it’s important to be grown up. They are no fun at all. They are the people who, if you show any enthusiasm that goes beyond what you have to do at your job, inevitably say, “Looks like someone has too much time on his hands!”

Don’t be that guy!

As you go through life — especially when you pass through your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s — continually ask yourself this: “When was the last time I played in the mud?”

It is vital that you play in the mud! You must do this or you’ll lose your soul! I am somewhat speaking in metaphor. If you don’t like mud, that’s fine. But when did you last finger paint? When did you last get into a pillow fight with your friends (or with your spouse?) When did you last sing a loud, off-key song where all the lyrics were nonsense words? What was the last time you did something utterly pointlessthat was great fun?

Playing Scrabble doesn’t count. (I say that as a huge Scrabble fan.) Playing tennis doesn’t count. Those activities are great, but they’re too regimented. They are too much about rules. They don’t involve cutting loose, letting go and being vulnerable. (By vulnerable, I mean doing stuff that may lead other people to say “Act your age!”)

Getting drunk or high doesn’t count, either. If you can only dance around in your underwear when you’ve had three (or ten) drinks, you’re doing it wrong. One of the reason drugs don’t count, is because they put you in an altered state that is disconnected from who you are when you’re not drunk or high. Your goal should be to become someone who always has a little bit of play in him — not someone who is super-stern and serious and needs chemicals to unwind.

I know that letting go this way is really, really hard for some people. If it’s hard for you, ease into it. No matter how hard it is, surely you can finger paint when you’re alone in your room! Make yourself do it until you can do it without shame — until you can let go and enjoy getting paint on your nose. You will wind up living longer and having less stress in your life.

And though you can start this in private, try to work towards doing it in the company of someone else. Play is fundamentally a social activity. You will never feel as close to another person as you will when you roll in the mud with him.

Despite the way I sound, I am a very shy person. I don’t, as a rule, go dancing in the streets. But I have a few close friends (and a really fun spouse) with whom Ican do those things. Those friends keep me alive! I wouldn’t trade them for ten million dollars!

One last thing: if you have kids, what’s your relationship to them? Are you very much the mom or the dad. Do you feel like they are the kids and you are thegrownup? Or do you feel like they’re your friends and you enjoy playing on the floor with them? Of course it’s important to be the grownup for them sometimes. But see if you can ease yourself into a different kind of relationship with them? When did you and your kids last have a snowball fight?

3. Most grownups stop learning. Don’t.

I spent many years as a teacher, mostly teaching computer classes to adults. These were folks who were being forced to adopt new technologies for their jobs. They were very unhappy. They would say, “I don’t understand this stuff! I’m just not one of those computer people.”

What I gradually learned, via long discussions with many, many students from many different occupations, is that this wasn’t true at all. Their problem — though very real — had nothing to do with computers. It had to do with the fact that this was the first time they’d been asked to learn anything new in years. They would have had just as much trouble if their boss had forced them to learn how to knit, juggle, or play the guitar.

Even many people we think of as smart do very few new things every day — things that stretch them. Here’s an example: I used to work for a large auction company (think Sotheby’s or Chirstie’s.) This company employed a lot of “experts.” An expert was, for instance, someone who has spent decades studying French ceramics. Having done a lot of studying, he can now look at a vase and instantly tell you when and where it was made, what it’s worth, and whether it’s an original or a reproduction. I am not making light of this skill. I certainly couldn’t do it.

But let’s take a look at what it involves: the expert had to spend decades cramming information into his brain. He had to get to a point where that information wasn’t just in his brain but also instantly accessible. Doing all that grunt work was an incredible feat, and the expert has good reason to be proud of what he accomplished.

But if he’s like most of us, he learned most of his knowledge in his 20s. Starting in his 30s, he began coasting. Coasting feels really good and most jobs are built to let experts coast. You know you’re coasting when you can go to work and instantly know how to fix any problem. You’re coasting when you can look at the vase and instantly know when and where it was made.

You’re coasting if all your problems at work are things like annoying co-workers and long hours. If you never (or rarely) need to do exhaustive research or work out complex problems on paper or white boards, you’re coasting.

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I’m a computer programmer, which means my job is pretty intellectual, and I coast way less than a lot of people: but I still coast about 75% of the time. A lot of the code I write is boilerplate stuff. I’m “solving” problems that have already been solved, and all I need to do is copy, paste, and make a few tweaks.

Doctors coast a lot of the time (at least general practitioners do). They hear the same symptoms over and over again, and in most cases, they can do their jobs very well by doing mental “database searches” and regurgitating answers that worked in the past. This is also the case for non-trial lawyers.

If you’re a “smart person” like me, and if you work in an “intellectual” field, it’s humbling to ask yourself, at each point in your day, “Am I stretching my intellect? Am I coming up with a new solution? Am I facing a new problem that I’ve never faced before?” How much of the time do you do this? 10% of the time? 5% of the time? 1% of the time? How many years have gone by without you having to face areal intellectual challenge?

Incidentally, the jobs that we think of as intellectual tend to be the least intellectually demanding (with some exceptions, such as Mathematician and Brain Surgeon). The “dumb jobs,” such as auto-mechanic and football player tend to involve a lot of continual, on-your-feet thinking.

What’s wrong with coasting? Nothing, necessarily, if it makes you happy. But we’re moving into a time period where it’s harder to get away with it. The pace of change has quadrupled and we’re getting hit with new technologies daily.

But the bigger problem is that “if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” You need to continually give your brain a workout or it will grow sluggish. We all know those people who have retired at 65 and then spent twenty years sitting in front of the TV. What’s sad is that we accept that people in their 80s are going to be sluggish. But that’s not a given. They don’t have to be! You don’t have to be. If your job isn’t challenging you, find ways to challenge yourself.

Note: most people get frustrated when they fail. This is one of the reasons why they quit trying new things. Trying new things inevitably leads to failure. But understand that, if you’re trying anything challenging, it’s going to take you at least a month to succeed at it. A month is the minimum. It’s more likely that it will take you six months.

So if you, say, try to learn the guitar but “fail” at it after a few hours, you haven’t failed. You can only fail at the guitar if you try to play it for six months and, during all that time, make no progress.

See also:

— Marcus Geduld’s answer to Education: How much does grading matter or motivate students to learn?

— Marcus Geduld’s answer to Mathematics: Why do so many people hate mathematics?

4. If you’re an artist or “creative person,” stop trying to “be original.”

Your goal should be to tell the story you’re trying to tell. (Or play the melody or fill the canvas with color or whatever.)

When I’m not programming computers, I spend my time directing plays. I run a classical-theatre company. Here’s the main lesson I’ve learned over the years: if I’m directing, say, “Romeo and Juliet,” my job is to tell that story. Let’s say that, in order to make the story clear and exciting, it turns out that Juliet should be wearing a red dress in a particular scene. But I go see another production and notice the actress in that production is wearing a red dress in the scene in which I was going to put my Juliet in a red dress!

I will feel that very human urge to make my Juliet wear a blue dress, because I don’t want to be accused of copying or “not being original.” I need to get over it.It’s not about meIf it happens to be a case that a red dress tells the story better than a blue dress, then my Juliet needs to wear a red dress. Art is best when the artists serves the art rather than the other way around.

This general rule applies to many things besides art.

See also: Marcus Geduld’s answer to Research: How do I overcome my thought that there are so many people smarter than me?

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5. If you focus on what’s fair and what’s unfair, you’ll stagnate.

John: Someone keeps stealing pens off my desk! Whenever I need a pen, I can’t find one!

Mary: Well, pens don’t cost very much. Why don’t you just buy a bunch of them once a month? Just think of them as perishable items that have to be replenished.

John: I shouldn’t have to do that! It’s not my fault the pens go missing! People need to stop stealing my pens!

Mary: Okay. What can you do to stop them from stealing your pens? Do you have a cabinet or something you can lock them in?

John: No!

Mary: Can you tell your boss? If there’s a security problem in your office, maybe he can…

John: I’ve tried that. He doesn’t care! He says it’s just pens. That’s not the point! It’s stealing. Stealing is wrong!

Mary: You’re right. It is wrong. It sucks that your boss isn’t going to do anything about it, but I guess that’s the way it is. And it seems like it’s causing you a lot of anxiety. Wouldn’t you feel better if you spent $2 on pens once a week? You could just assume they’ll get stolen and get new ones when you need them. That way, you’d know you’d always have a pen!

John: Why should I be the one who has to buy new pens?

Mary: You shouldn’t be, but you are.

John: That’s not fair!

There’s nothing wrong with striving for fairness and justice. But if that’s not possible, it’s pointless to fall into a mode where you’re constantly stressed out and throwing your hands up in disgust. The pen problem literally used to drive me crazy. Then I took Mary’s advice. The truth is, I earn enough money that buying pens a couple of times a month is no big deal. I wish people wouldn’t steal from me, but I’m just not going to worry about it. A couple of dollars a month let me check a worry off my list. That is money well spent!

6. If you’re not failing, you’re doing it wrong.

We need to raise our kids so that they expect to fail and so that they understand that after failing they should keep going. I have finally gotten to a place where I dislike not failing. I am suspicious when I don’t fail. Not failing generally means I’m playing it too safe. It means I’m not growing or learning. It means I’m keeping myself from finding all sorts of solutions I could be finding. But the only way to find them is to play past failure.

I recommend keeping a Failure Diary. When you fail at something, try writing it up the next day. Examine the failure in as much detail as you can. Make sure you use failure as an opportunity to grow. I publish excepts from my Failure Diary here:Failures: On Stuff I Did Wrong

7. You can’t reason with a lizard.

If someone is hysterical or angry, it’s pointless to reason with him. Don’t try. The “lizard brain” can’t use logic. Understand that you’re dealing with a cornered animal, not a calm philosopher.

See also: Marcus Geduld’s answer to What Would You Do If X?: What would you say if someone said that you were fat? and read the comments, e.g.http://www.quora.com/What-Would-…

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8. Stop reading the newspaper.

You don’t really have to stop. If you enjoy reading it, by all means read it. But if you’re one of those people who gets deeply stressed out every time you read the paper or watch CNN, consider stopping. Why are you constantly putting yourself through this stress? Because it’s one’s duty to stay informed? Why?

Okay, I understand why. We live in a Democracy and blah-blah-blah. Fine. But you’re not required to live a life of stress. It doesn’t help you or anyone else for you to be stressed all the time.

And just knowing that there are starving people doesn’t help those starving people. If you have a plan of action, by all means carry it out. Otherwise, give yourself a break. If you feel terribly guilty when you’re not informed, then just give yourself a two-week break. You don’t have to stop reading the papers for life. But get out of the habit of being addicted to stress and sorrow. Your blood pressure will go down.

9. Do something that’s not for money.

Make sure there’s something pleasurable in your life that is completely disconnected with money. In our culture (in all cultures?) money comes with all kinds of baggage. Find something you like to do that will never make you any money.

If you’re a waitress who longs to be a professional actress, acting in plays for free doesn’t count. It’s great, but it’s not what I’m talking about, because you’re hoping to one day quit waitressing and make money acting. Keep that dream alive, but find some other activity to be your non-money-pleasure. Say, “I like sketching (or whatever) and it will never, ever make me any money. And if someone offered me money to sketch, I’d turn it down, because I want one thing in my life that is forever disconnected from money.”

And it can’t be something connected to duty. Yes, you don’t get paid for raising your kids, and, yes, a lot of that job is fun. But parts of it are a duty. So it doesn’t count. Knitting counts. Playing basketball with your friends counts.

Hanging out with friends doesn’t count. It’s fun. It’s not about making money. But it’s not a specific activity. You need something that will jolt you out of the belief that most of us have — that anything you spend time and energy on must be about money.

10. The hour before bed is for you.

Don’t work right up until bedtime, even if you “have to.” Take half an hour — even 20 minutes if it’s all you can spare — before you go to bed to unwind in an engrossing way. (Do this even if you’re really tired and would rather not stay up an extra 20 minutes.)

By which I mean don’t just sit on the sofa with a glass of wine. If you do that, it’s too easy to start thinking and worrying about work. Spend that time reading a chapter of a fun thriller (not a “classic” that you think you “should” read) or watching an episode of a sitcom that makes you laugh.

Think of this as your duty. It will help you get your work done better the next day. It will help you get to sleep.

11. There is no such thing as highbrow and lowbrow.

Or if there is, who cares? School has bamboozled us into thinking Shakespeare is superior to “Gilligan’s Island.” As someone who directs Shakespeare plays and reads “King Lear” for fun, I’m here to tell you that the only great art is the art you love. 

Life is really fucking hard. You have to deal with losing jobs, getting divorces, paying taxes and fixing the toilet. Don’t add to your troubles by telling yourself — or letting someone else tell you — that you’re a moron because you prefer beer to expensive champagne.

If something is beloved by experts, “refined people” and scholars, there probablyis something wonderful about it. If you want to spend an hour with me, I’ll explain to you why Shakespeare is wonderful and what you’ll get out of his plays if you spend some time studying them. But it’s not a requirement. You’re not in school any longer. (Or if you are, you soon won’t be). There’s no teacher waiting for you to turn in your homework.

I am not a better person than you because I read Shakespeare. I read Shakespeare because I enjoy it. If I read it because I “should,” I’d be a fool.

Art is primarily sensual. It can sometimes politicize people or give them intellectual ideas, but what art does best is feed you: it feeds your eyes with colors; it feeds your ears with sounds; it feeds your nerves with “what’s going to happen next????” Life is short. If “Star Wars” feeds you more than “Hamlet,” enjoy your feast!

If you feel guilty about watching “American Idol” when you “should be” watching “Masterpiece Theatre,” then agree to challenge yourself once a month. Once a month, you’ll go to a museum or watch a foreign film. The rest of the time, watch and read and listen to whatever makes you sit on the edge of your seat. Whatever makes you sing and dance.

If you’re an “intellectual” like me, take a break from the Bergman films and Shakespeare plays once in a while. Sure, sure. “American Idol” is the death of American culture or whatever. But a couple of episodes of it. It’s pretty engrossing and fun.

Get out of the habit of labeling things as high and low. There’s stuff that feeds you and stuff that doesn’t. There are acquired tastes which don’t feed you now but which might feed you in the future, once you get used to them. As soon as you get the urge to categorize one thing as “art” and the other thing as “just entertainment,” try to stop. There are different sorts of meals, and it’s great to live in a world with both caviar and Pop Tarts!

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Brian Lee

Chief of Product Management at Lifehack

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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