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Tips for Introverts Who Love People Time

Tips for Introverts Who Love People Time

I am an outgoing introvert.

Oxymoron, you say?  Nope, you said wrong!  People frequently clump shyness and introversion together as the same thing, it’s not.  It was an ah-ha moment when I learned the actual definition of introversion.  It has nothing to do with shyness, which is a fear of social situations.

An introvert is someone who is introspective by nature.  Engaging in said introspection is what recharges an introvert. This is to say, being alone to sort through one’s conscious feelings and thoughts is imperative to the introverted person. Introverted folks need to be alone in order to feel sorted out, or recharged. Extended social time is draining to an introvert. When shit hits the fan an introverted person generally doesn’t say,”I need to call so and so now,” they say, “I need to be alone, bugger off!”

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There’s a range of introversion (like everything, ’tis a very gray world, not black and white), and some introverts would really prefer everyone bugger off most of the time.  Then there are people like me who adore people time, but get exhausted from it.  I love connecting with others.  I need to connect with others.  I adore talking story/shooting the shit.  I’ll get just as cranky if I go a couple days without decent conversation as I do if I don’t get my recharge time!  It’s a very careful balance, and one that perplexed me before I pinpointed exactly what was going on.

To sum up, folks on this area of the intro-extroversion scale need to have quality people time, just as much as we need to have quality no people time.  If either side weighs too heavily we feel “unsorted”.  Bajiggity.  I know that’s not a real word, but I find it perfect to describe the anxious-spazzy-emo-crankiness that I get from unbalanced people time expenditure.

Tips!  I’ve done some research on this topic, primarily by feeling awkward at social commitments, just to give fellow people-time loving introverts these tips:

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Figure out how much CaveTime (sorting out alone awesome time) you personally need.

For me it’s three good chunks (four-ish hours) a week, at least.  Any less and the bajiggity sets in.  I generally enjoy even more!

Make time for CaveTime.

Actually schedule it, and commit.  It can be hard if something comes up to be like, “oh, no, I have plans to hang out by myself”.  Remember that it’s more than that.  It’s what you need to recharge and maintain a balanced and pleasant mental landscape – it is important.  If you do need/want to do something else, reschedule CaveTime and make sure to fit it in later.

Make CaveTime plans.

How exactly are you going to spend your treasured alone time?  If the answer is “I dunno, dinner and hanging around the house”, that’s not good enough! What are you going to cook?  Are you going to watch a movie?  Pick out a really good one in advance.  Are you going to do something creative?  Get amped about whatever you’re making.  Will you hike?  Where?  Find new music?  How?  Pin it down.  Planning a proper night will help you commit to CaveTime, as well as making sure that you get the most out of it.

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Kick FOMO’s ass.

I used to have a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out, it’s totally a real thing), I had a really hard time saying ‘no’ to invites. Then I’d wind up upset, wishing I was home with a paintbrush, or a notepad, or Netflix, or whatevs.  Now I say ‘maybe’.  Maybe is a magic word.

Pick your people time carefully

.  Check how you feel after spending time with someone or a group of people.  You will find some people to be more draining than others.  Choose people that you have a genuine connection with.  I wrote an article awhile ago about pros and cons of coupling and a few readers commented that they found partners that don’t even count as “people”!  Like, they can CaveTime with them there and still feel recharged!  That’s the big dream, huh?

Try going out alone.

I find that I often enjoy quality introspective time, as well as snippets of fun and interesting conversation when a book is my only partner in crime.

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Prepare for people-filled times.

Wedding weekend?  Vacay back home?  These things are a delightful nightmare for me.  I have a total blast, but don’t recharge for a few days, then all of a sudden I feel super-duper bajiggity, and wind up missing out on being present for some really great times.  Boooo. Recharge beforehand, make excuses to hang out solo at opportune times, and chill out CaveTime when the event’s over.

People time vs alone time is a topic to be figured out for everyone, even those strongly intro or extroverted.  As introvert-leaning I’m biased to say that we should all really take some time to think about what suits us – however, as someone interested in maintaining balance in life, maybe I oughta find someone to discuss this with…

Featured photo credit: Brittney Bush via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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