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Tips for Introverts Who Love People Time

Tips for Introverts Who Love People Time

I am an outgoing introvert.

Oxymoron, you say?  Nope, you said wrong!  People frequently clump shyness and introversion together as the same thing, it’s not.  It was an ah-ha moment when I learned the actual definition of introversion.  It has nothing to do with shyness, which is a fear of social situations.

An introvert is someone who is introspective by nature.  Engaging in said introspection is what recharges an introvert. This is to say, being alone to sort through one’s conscious feelings and thoughts is imperative to the introverted person. Introverted folks need to be alone in order to feel sorted out, or recharged. Extended social time is draining to an introvert. When shit hits the fan an introverted person generally doesn’t say,”I need to call so and so now,” they say, “I need to be alone, bugger off!”

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There’s a range of introversion (like everything, ’tis a very gray world, not black and white), and some introverts would really prefer everyone bugger off most of the time.  Then there are people like me who adore people time, but get exhausted from it.  I love connecting with others.  I need to connect with others.  I adore talking story/shooting the shit.  I’ll get just as cranky if I go a couple days without decent conversation as I do if I don’t get my recharge time!  It’s a very careful balance, and one that perplexed me before I pinpointed exactly what was going on.

To sum up, folks on this area of the intro-extroversion scale need to have quality people time, just as much as we need to have quality no people time.  If either side weighs too heavily we feel “unsorted”.  Bajiggity.  I know that’s not a real word, but I find it perfect to describe the anxious-spazzy-emo-crankiness that I get from unbalanced people time expenditure.

Tips!  I’ve done some research on this topic, primarily by feeling awkward at social commitments, just to give fellow people-time loving introverts these tips:

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Figure out how much CaveTime (sorting out alone awesome time) you personally need.

For me it’s three good chunks (four-ish hours) a week, at least.  Any less and the bajiggity sets in.  I generally enjoy even more!

Make time for CaveTime.

Actually schedule it, and commit.  It can be hard if something comes up to be like, “oh, no, I have plans to hang out by myself”.  Remember that it’s more than that.  It’s what you need to recharge and maintain a balanced and pleasant mental landscape – it is important.  If you do need/want to do something else, reschedule CaveTime and make sure to fit it in later.

Make CaveTime plans.

How exactly are you going to spend your treasured alone time?  If the answer is “I dunno, dinner and hanging around the house”, that’s not good enough! What are you going to cook?  Are you going to watch a movie?  Pick out a really good one in advance.  Are you going to do something creative?  Get amped about whatever you’re making.  Will you hike?  Where?  Find new music?  How?  Pin it down.  Planning a proper night will help you commit to CaveTime, as well as making sure that you get the most out of it.

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Kick FOMO’s ass.

I used to have a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out, it’s totally a real thing), I had a really hard time saying ‘no’ to invites. Then I’d wind up upset, wishing I was home with a paintbrush, or a notepad, or Netflix, or whatevs.  Now I say ‘maybe’.  Maybe is a magic word.

Pick your people time carefully

.  Check how you feel after spending time with someone or a group of people.  You will find some people to be more draining than others.  Choose people that you have a genuine connection with.  I wrote an article awhile ago about pros and cons of coupling and a few readers commented that they found partners that don’t even count as “people”!  Like, they can CaveTime with them there and still feel recharged!  That’s the big dream, huh?

Try going out alone.

I find that I often enjoy quality introspective time, as well as snippets of fun and interesting conversation when a book is my only partner in crime.

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Prepare for people-filled times.

Wedding weekend?  Vacay back home?  These things are a delightful nightmare for me.  I have a total blast, but don’t recharge for a few days, then all of a sudden I feel super-duper bajiggity, and wind up missing out on being present for some really great times.  Boooo. Recharge beforehand, make excuses to hang out solo at opportune times, and chill out CaveTime when the event’s over.

People time vs alone time is a topic to be figured out for everyone, even those strongly intro or extroverted.  As introvert-leaning I’m biased to say that we should all really take some time to think about what suits us – however, as someone interested in maintaining balance in life, maybe I oughta find someone to discuss this with…

Featured photo credit: Brittney Bush via flickr.com

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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