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7 Lessons After Leaving Toxic Relationships

7 Lessons After Leaving Toxic Relationships

We all have known someone or, more likely, several people in our lives who seem to bring us down. Whether it’s criticism, hostility or just their general, negative attitude, toxicity can be contagious and even affect our healthy relationships. Many can find themselves stuck in these situations for years. But for those of us fortunate enough to break away from those ‘energy vampires,’ take comfort in knowing that it wasn’t all for naught. Even the toxic can be teachers. Here are seven reasons why:

1. Setting Boundaries

Breaking away from unhealthy, highly critical, or controlling people can help us set more definitive boundaries in all of our future relationships. We recognize the red flags and questionable behavior a lot sooner when we’ve already experienced it. As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.”

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2. Focusing on Self-Care

Being around someone who tries to undermine our confidence and self-esteem can be a draining experience. Deciding that enough is enough is the first step towards self-care. You’ll be amazed at how your attitude improves once you’ve made the conscious choice to walk away from a losing battle.

3. Appreciating the Good Relationships

Toxic teachers can show us what not to do and how not to act. If you want the people who are important to you to know that, observe past negative relationships and learn how people don’t want to be treated.

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4. Practicing Compassion

Toxic people aren’t bad people. In fact, it’s not the people who are toxic, it’s their behavior, and often it comes out because they are feeling hurt themselves. Not everybody feels comfortable discussing their suffering. Many would rather project and lash out than reflect on their own behavior. However, once you’ve broken the cycle and ended the relationship, you can look at the situation more objectively and wish that person well while hoping they can heal from their pain.

5. Trust Your Intuition

Many of us get an immediate gut feeling about other people and situations. Those who have been in a toxic relationship will sometimes rationalize or flat out ignore the red flags that tell us to just cut our losses and get out while we can. But once you’re truly out, it’s a different story. You learn to listen to and trust the voice in your head a lot sooner.

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6. Embrace Change

A lot of people stick it out in a bad relationship. Many stay, either hoping the other person will eventually change or simply fearing being alone. But once you’ve decided that this relationship doesn’t work for you anymore, your life will change for the better. You just need to stick to your guns and you’ll see that the devil you know isn’t always better than the devil you don’t, and change isn’t such a scary thing.

7. Trust Yourself

Even though you’ve taken a big step by ending the relationship, your journey isn’t over. You may have had many people in your life encouraging you to end things with this toxic person, but sometimes that same support isn’t there when you are feeling lost and sad after it’s all over. It can feel lonely at times, but once you’ve gained the insight to leave you’ll have more confidence in your own judgment and will be less inclined to rely on anyone else to tell you when it’s time to take action.

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Again, toxic relationships are unpleasant for everybody involved. But if you can find the small positive takeaways in the overall negative experience, you can walk away a better, smarter person. As the Dalai Lama once said: “In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.”

Featured photo credit: Sad teens sitting at the bench at the park via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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