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7 Lessons After Leaving Toxic Relationships

7 Lessons After Leaving Toxic Relationships

We all have known someone or, more likely, several people in our lives who seem to bring us down. Whether it’s criticism, hostility or just their general, negative attitude, toxicity can be contagious and even affect our healthy relationships. Many can find themselves stuck in these situations for years. But for those of us fortunate enough to break away from those ‘energy vampires,’ take comfort in knowing that it wasn’t all for naught. Even the toxic can be teachers. Here are seven reasons why:

1. Setting Boundaries

Breaking away from unhealthy, highly critical, or controlling people can help us set more definitive boundaries in all of our future relationships. We recognize the red flags and questionable behavior a lot sooner when we’ve already experienced it. As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.”

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2. Focusing on Self-Care

Being around someone who tries to undermine our confidence and self-esteem can be a draining experience. Deciding that enough is enough is the first step towards self-care. You’ll be amazed at how your attitude improves once you’ve made the conscious choice to walk away from a losing battle.

3. Appreciating the Good Relationships

Toxic teachers can show us what not to do and how not to act. If you want the people who are important to you to know that, observe past negative relationships and learn how people don’t want to be treated.

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4. Practicing Compassion

Toxic people aren’t bad people. In fact, it’s not the people who are toxic, it’s their behavior, and often it comes out because they are feeling hurt themselves. Not everybody feels comfortable discussing their suffering. Many would rather project and lash out than reflect on their own behavior. However, once you’ve broken the cycle and ended the relationship, you can look at the situation more objectively and wish that person well while hoping they can heal from their pain.

5. Trust Your Intuition

Many of us get an immediate gut feeling about other people and situations. Those who have been in a toxic relationship will sometimes rationalize or flat out ignore the red flags that tell us to just cut our losses and get out while we can. But once you’re truly out, it’s a different story. You learn to listen to and trust the voice in your head a lot sooner.

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6. Embrace Change

A lot of people stick it out in a bad relationship. Many stay, either hoping the other person will eventually change or simply fearing being alone. But once you’ve decided that this relationship doesn’t work for you anymore, your life will change for the better. You just need to stick to your guns and you’ll see that the devil you know isn’t always better than the devil you don’t, and change isn’t such a scary thing.

7. Trust Yourself

Even though you’ve taken a big step by ending the relationship, your journey isn’t over. You may have had many people in your life encouraging you to end things with this toxic person, but sometimes that same support isn’t there when you are feeling lost and sad after it’s all over. It can feel lonely at times, but once you’ve gained the insight to leave you’ll have more confidence in your own judgment and will be less inclined to rely on anyone else to tell you when it’s time to take action.

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Again, toxic relationships are unpleasant for everybody involved. But if you can find the small positive takeaways in the overall negative experience, you can walk away a better, smarter person. As the Dalai Lama once said: “In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.”

Featured photo credit: Sad teens sitting at the bench at the park via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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