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Resilience – A Key to Happiness

Resilience – A Key to Happiness

As life grows increasingly complex, happiness seems to grow more and more elusive. There is no guarantee that you will not face setbacks in life, but how you choose to deal with them is definitely in your control. A person who lives by this mantra, one who bounces back from the blows of life with spirit intact, is said to possess that rarest of qualities – resilience.

Putting Disappointment in Perspective

When we read of the number of people seeking escape from life’s realities through drink, drugs, alcohol, and even suicide, one fact is painfully clear – they lack the ability to see things with the right perspective. Agreed, you may have flunked the exam, but does that have to mean you are a failure? Perhaps you are not able to keep a steady relationship, but does that mean you can never be happy? Failing to do well at studies or work, an enterprise that fails to take off and instead lands you in debt, a debilitating illness, or losing a loved one – all of these are part and parcel of life and if you do not want these to turn you into a nervous wreck, it is vital you put such disappointments in perspective.

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Tips to Improve Resilience

Resilience is a quality that is a combination of several things – a positive attitude, the ability to discriminate between right and wrong, the strength to do what is difficult without giving in to impulses, and the ability to believe in yourself and your abilities. Here are a few tips on how you can build resilience.

Bolster Belief

Think back to past events that, at that time, had seemed like insurmountable problems. Recollect how bad things seemed and yet, how they ultimately changed for the better. Look for positives you can take from such incidents – how you learned something new, or how it was all for good in the long run. Tell yourself that the present situation is a similar one, and think of how, in the future, you will be wondering why you felt so seriously down over such a trivial issue.

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Connect with Resilient People

Find someone in your social circle whom you admire for their resilience in the face of trouble. It could be a parent who struggled to raise you alone, or it could be a sibling who overcame his or her limitations, or a teacher who faced professional difficulties without batting an eyelid, or a friend who made a success out of a failed marriage – just look around yourself with a discriminating eye and you will find multiple examples of people who show resilience. Connect with such people and get their support – especially when you are feeling low. Avoid contact with people who encourage you to feel self-pity because this will only bog you down even more.

Do Something Meaningful

One of the best ways to put your life in perspective is to open your eyes and see the troubles other people face. Visit an orphanage or an old age home and see how people cope with not having their close ones; visit a centre for the differently-abled and see how they strive to make their way through life. Do not stop with mentally appreciating their spirit; strive to do something to contribute to them. Find something that gives you a sense of purpose – volunteer for work in your community or join a group that does something for the deprived people in society.

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Pay Attention to Yourself

Resilience has a lot to do with how good you feel about yourself and about life in general; in turn, this is influenced by your state of physical and mental health. Make time for regular exercise – the endorphins released during exercise will help to boost your mood. Practice deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to keep your mind free of stress. Pursue a hobby and participate in activities that give you joy and help you relax. If you find yourself unable to cope with stressful events in your life, ask for help. Sometimes, confiding in a close family member or a friend can help you feel better; if this too does not seem to help, it makes sense to seek guidance from a mental health counselor.

Being resilient is not easy – it takes a lot of effort and of course, time. An important point to remember is that people who are resilient are not those who have absolutely no stress in their life; it’s just that they have learned the art of coping with it and bouncing back from the setbacks they face. Ignoring a problem in the hope it will go away is not the solution; facing up to it squarely, taking time to deal with it, and recovering your poise is what constitutes resilience and this is often the factor that distinguishes the true winners from the also-rans.

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None of us can order our life to make sure there are no shocks – all we can do is ensure we have the right shock absorbers in place so that we suffer minimal damage, and bounce back quickly, looking to the future with hope and optimism.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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