Advertising
Advertising

Relax Maverick! 10 Things Everyone Needs To Chill Out About In Their 20s

Relax Maverick! 10 Things Everyone Needs To Chill Out About In Their 20s

Being stressed and in your 20s are two things that most certainly do not belong together. Personally having just exited the terrific twenties and now entering into the thrilling thirties, my battle wounds are still fresh enough to be able to throw some warning signs and wisdom toward my fellow denizens who are still battling through their twenties. Most people looking back on their twenties will describe the decade as very much the formative years of finding your feet, figuring your niche, your purpose, your passion and beginning to anchor down.

In light of the abstract nature of finding your groove, there are many things that you are probably taking more seriously than you need to. Here are 10 things you need to chill out about.

Advertising

1. Getting That Ring By Spring (any Spring in your twenties that is)

The average age for marriage has shifted in the 1950s from the very early twenties to now very close to the age of thirty. Factors such as the increase in the standard of living in most countries means more years added to life, and more career opportunities means more time to figure things out. While there are certainly benefits to getting married young, you can relax, because the days of getting married in your early twenties have faded and nobody is going to raise an eyebrow if you do not have that ring on your finger yet.

2. Chasing That College Degree

People used to freak out if you did not have a college degree. Now with the developments in technology and the vast availability of knowledge and education online, the face of education is changing from traditional and conventional forms. Not only are the possibilities of succeeding without going to college even greater, but you are able to learn pretty much anything and everything online without having to jump through the hoops at an institution.

Advertising

3. Setting Up That 10-year Plan

Remember that dreadful style that you used to do your hair in thinking it was the hippest coolest look ever, only to now hang your head in shame? Things change. Your desires in your twenties will almost certainly be different as you get older. By all means, go ahead and write out a plan for your life—just be ready to throw it in the trash and write out a new one in a couple of years, or a couple of weeks! Better yet, forget the plan and just take it a day at a time!

4. “Keeping up with the Joneses”

Do not start playing the comparison game with people around you that you feel may be more “successful” than you are. Run your own race. It would be tragic to let envy force you into making a foolish decision for the sake of trying to mimic someone else’s lifestyle.

Advertising

5. Getting “Established”

You really do not want to get caught up in the rat-race during your twenties. Avoid getting caught into the 9–5 because you desire some sort of structure to your life. Your twenties is the perfect time not to have any structure! Steer away from making significant investments such as buying a brand new car or a house. These things will certainly shackle you down and cause a ton of stress if you cannot break free.

6. Letting Down Momma & Poppa

Some parents will voice their opinions louder than others. It is always a tricky balance trying to avoid a war with the parents as you deal with their pressures and expectations. Just remember not to be ashamed of failing to meet their expectations for your life during your twenties. Hey, you have another decade, and more after that to make them happy.

Advertising

7. Rollin’ Like a Millionaire

Stress less about having that financial stability. There will always be those few lucky souls who hit the jackpot early on. As long as you have enough cash to live off of, there is no need to start thinking about that retirement fund yet.

8. Living With Your Oldies

You are not the only one. As the saying goes, “there is strength in numbers.” The statistics of people in their twenties who are still living with their parents is overwhelming. You are just another drop in the ocean of many others doing the same thing. No need for the embarrassment. Enjoy being rent-free while it lasts!

9. Everyone’s 2 Cents

Advice can be helpful, but it can also be harmful. Take everything with a grain of salt and do not let anyone’s opinion confine you into doing something just because it seems like a “wise” thing to do, or what you are meant to be doing.

10. Making Mistakes

Not only stress less about making mistakes; go ahead and embrace them. Mistakes are a crucial part of the learning process. There’s no doubt  that your desire is to learn and grow as much as possible throughout your twenties, so your success is going to go hand-in-hand with your failures. Michael Jordan is famous for his statement, “I failed twice as much as I have succeeded.”

More by this author

Thai Nguyen

Thai's a Mindfulness-Meditation Coach, a 5-Star Chef and an International Kickboxer.

17 Ways to Help You Learn New Skills Faster 20 Essential Books To Supercharge Your Productivity 12 Things The World Cup Losing Teams Teach You About Success If Looks Could Kill | 8 Killer Ways to Dominate Every First Impression Homesick? 9 Simple Ways to Feel At Home Wherever You Are

Trending in Communication

1 How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life 2 The Power of a Positive Environment on Your Everyday Life 3 9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive 4 How to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome and Be Happy Again 5 How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

Advertising

Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

Advertising

You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

Advertising

It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

Advertising

Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next