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An Open Letter From Introverts

An Open Letter From Introverts

Dear readers,

Owing to the fact that we introverts do not easily and openly talk about ourselves in front of large audiences, I take it to task, on behalf of all the other introverts, to share with you some little known facts about us. The purpose of this open letter is not to justify, apologise or make a point about why introverts are introverts. We don’t need to and feel no inclination to do so.

The points below are simply to help shed some light on our worldview and dispositions, and also how you might come to understand better our relationship with you.

We <3 extroverts.

In general we find good complementarity with extrovert characters. They keep the momentum going and fill in the gap. Our energies can mix very well–we give extroverts the space to talk and express themselves while extroverts give us the space to be us while they are busy being them.

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We love to socialise…in very small doses.

While there is no way you will drag us to a raging party, we don’t outright abhor social gatherings. Yes, we would be more comfortable with people we are already acquainted with and in small groups, but we also approve of a fair bit of socialising in general. We also recognise its benefits and enjoyment.

We love to communicate. We just hate small talk.

An introvert is not incommunicado. We just don’t like petty gossip, small talk and superficial nonsense. Most of us are good communicators, whether in speech or in writing. We like to discuss and get deep into conversations about all sorts of interesting subjects and topics that catch our fantasy.

Don’t be annoyed if we don’t call first, because we just won’t.

Admittedly it is true that we are not quite good at taking initiative in relationships. So my word of advice to those men or women who have a relationship with an introvert: please get over the fact that he or she won’t call you first, nor start the discussion nor perhaps suggest an initiative. Don’t be annoyed. It’s not because we don’t care but it’s just the way we flow.

We care for others’ feelings more than you think.

We have a bit of a stigma for being uncaring and detached. This is not true. Just because we don’t wear our emotions on our sleeves doesn’t mean we don’t care. Quite oppositely, in a group for example, because we observe more and participate less than extroverts, we do notice more people’s feelings.

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Extroverts, on the other hand, are not very much influenced by the feedback of others because they run on their own steam–so to speak. Introverts are more sensitive to what the other is feeling although might not respond to it openly.

We are not loners; we just need space.

We might pass on your invitation for a social activity and tell you we are going to spend the night in. The thing is, dear readers, we love our space. It’s a bit sacred. It doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy company, but we also like to spend time in our space.

We don’t like clubs, parties or discos.

Clearly these are no-go areas. As an introvert, I sincerely don’t know what bugs us most from these environments. It might be the noise, the chaos or the fact that they are often frequented by people who have a general carefree attitude towards life. I really don’t know.

We enjoy peace and alone time.

I mentioned already we like to have our space. What some non-introverts fail to understand is how it is that we love to be alone. I have observed that many people are scared or annoyed to be alone, even for short periods of time. For some being alone or traveling alone comes across as weird or uncomfortable. There is no weirdness in this for introverts because we love our peace and are quite at peace being with just ourselves.

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We are masters at observing others.

In large groups, or in a group of people we don’t yet know, we take a back seat at first. We take time to observe people before interacting. It’s not a sign of insecurity but more one of precaution or strategy. This has made us extremely skilful at observing people deeply.

Give us time and we’ll get to know each other better than average.

Granted that we are not good at taking initiative and we are quite slow at starting up any relationship. However, allowing us the time we get to know others better than average, either because the communication is deeper or because we tend to discard the superficial stuff quite quickly.

Last but not least I must also add that in view of, or despite of, all the facts above, we make up an amazing group of people who have a lot to contribute–introverts also tend to be very creative–and can be very good loyal friends or partners for life. I truly hope this helps next time you see the dear introvert you know and love.

Sincerely,

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An introverted writer

Featured photo credit: Central Park’s North Meadow, Aug 2009 – 02/Ed Yourdon via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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