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An Open Letter to Anyone Looking for True Love

An Open Letter to Anyone Looking for True Love

Dear True Love Seeker,

We must begin with your personal definition of TRUE LOVE. Without that, your search is pointless as the roundabout with no feasible exit for your journey. Don’t race to the dictionary, as the definition lies within your own life philosophy and experience.

Our adult happiness lies rooted in the soil of our childhood. Instinctively, we bonded to our mothers for survival and eventually understood the protective potential of our fathers. All can agree that our basis of love stems from these early interactions. Rather than bandy about the countless theories concerning “mommy” and “daddy” issues, let’s begin with the idea that you have come to terms with your past and are eager to move forward into your own loving relationship.

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The best predictor of one’s future behavior is to look at past behavior. By looking at your actions, can you say that you’ve fallen in love with the most important person…yourself? Without arrogance and hubris, do you LOVE the person you have become?

1. Love yourself

It is impossible to give deep love to another if you don’t hold it within yourself. Bitterness can’t be hidden for long; its flavor will spoil the love you’ve found and set you back onto the repeat cycle of dead end relationships. By loving the person you are, you accept your humanity which is made up of inadequacies and accomplishments. The pressure is off then! The person you seek will not have the burden of “fixing” you because you’ve accepted yourself wholly. Having that comfort allows you to be open and accepting of others, and the exchange of emotions can begin.

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2. Set aside your ego

Mutation of oneself to better fit into a relationship is a necessary sacrifice. It certainly does not mean that you have to give up your personal identity, but if the love you seek will be bound in truth, it is a fact that “to receive much, one must give much.” Setting aside your ego to explore what is best for the couple versus what is best for the individual will be a daily choice. There is a sweet spot that each couple must find which will give them independence but also a level of healthy co-dependence.

3. Be clear with expectations

You love yourself, you feel you love another, and the couple you have become has great potential. Did both of you come into the relationship with clear expectations? If the love is TRUE in the sense that you’re seeking, then the discussions of what you hope your duo will evolve into will not be an issue. Love is vulnerability and if two people cannot be open and supportive of each other’s concerns or expectations, then are you in the kind of love which you seek?

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4. Don’t make promises

Although that sounds harsh and against what you may believe encompasses true love, the pressure of a promise can cause an ultimate break. Instead, try expressing yourself with INTENTION. Intention adds the truth to love; humans are weakest when we’ve made ourselves vulnerable. We feed our inner fear when we add the pressure of “I promise to love you forever.” Intellectually, we see that love can’t be perfect because we are imperfect people. Thus, the rantings of heartbroken lovers are as old as mankind. Instead of the fear that “promises are meant to be broken,” embrace the concept that you will “pay attention to the intention.”

5. Check the chemistry

TRUE LOVE is based on chemical reactions. Rather than feel deflated by this fact, celebrate it. The hormonal functions that set off “chemistry” between two people are miraculous. Preparing yourself mentally and emotionally by taking care of yourself will help you sort through the “love fog” after it lifts and you can then enjoy the benefits of a mutually fulfilling relationship. Those who have celebrated countless happy anniversaries give common advice–true love begins after the initial chemistry has ended. Take the time to learn how your particular chemistry is best kept alive.

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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