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Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut in your life—so much of your day is taken up by routines. You wake up, you get ready for the day, you drive to work, you sit at your desk until it’s time to come home. Once you get home, you’re back with your sweetheart, but sometimes, things aren’t so sweet. You have to cook and clean and juggle chores along with your relationship. You’re used to a daily routine, old habits, and that includes your relationships. It’s hard to shake up your relationship and remember why you’re in love.

First Love

Your first relationship is a defining time in your life, whether you date all through school or don’t get started until you’re out in the real world. It’s very telling how you act in the relationship, how you treat your partner, and how you allow your partner to treat you. If you’re just thankful to be in a relationship, you more than likely will let yourself be treated badly, just because you want to have someone. This sets the tone for all later relationships, and it often means you’ll only feel like you’re a person worthy of love when you’re in a relationship—even if there’s no love in the relationship. On the other hand, if you’re not really invested in your first relationship, you might keep the same tone for the future—you might not ever really feel love for your partner, and only be in a relationship because you think it’s what you should be doing. After your first relationship, you might think you keep having the same troubles because it’s always your partner’s fault. In reality, it’s your past that influences how you view both the present and the future. Regardless of how positive or negative your first relationship was, you’re more than likely going to keep choosing a similar partner, if only because that’s your “type.” In order to break your streak of troubled relationships, you don’t have to stray from what you like. You can still go for your “type”; just change your approach to the relationship. Don’t let the past problems make you bitter. Just because you had trouble with an ex doesn’t mean you should take it out on a new partner. Take time to look back at your history: what problems have you had in every relationship? How did you deal with those in the relationship? What can you learn from this? You need to learn your lessons and patch up these problem spaces before moving on.

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Valued Advice

Sometimes it can be hard to see your own problems in relationships. During these times, it’s important to have friends or family members you trust. You need to ask their opinion about your weak points and take their advice to heart. It’s easy, when you’re in a relationship, to feel like anyone who speaks out against your partner is just trying to be mean. In reality, they’re speaking up because they care about you, and they can see your partner or the relationship isn’t right for you. Listen to this. They’re letting you know that what they see what is wrong, and this is the perfect time for you to take a step back and look at your relationship as if you were an outsider. Be objective, and see what seems negative about the situation. If you keep your emotions out of it, you’re able to see what’s going wrong, and you will be able to see a pattern from your past relationships.

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Start Fresh

The easiest solution to most relationship problems is to be happy with yourself. If you love yourself and are happy with your own life, you will be more appealing to your partner. By being happy and having your own life (social, career, and more), you’re ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself and showing that you’re capable of caring for someone else in your life. You have to feel complete and happy each time you start a new relationship, so cut your past free and approach your next relationship with a clean slate.

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Featured photo credit: Morning Shadow via flickr.com

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Last Updated on June 3, 2020

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

What is success?

Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

1. Success is always doing your best.

Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

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2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

3. Success is having a place to call home.

Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

5. Success is believing you can.

If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

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7. Success is taking care of your needs.

Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

11. Success is overcoming fear.

Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

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12. Success is learning something new each day.

Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

14. Success is loving and being loved back.

Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

16. Success is not giving up.

Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

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17. Success is celebrating small victories.

Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

The Bottom Line

Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

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Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

Reference

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