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Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut in your life—so much of your day is taken up by routines. You wake up, you get ready for the day, you drive to work, you sit at your desk until it’s time to come home. Once you get home, you’re back with your sweetheart, but sometimes, things aren’t so sweet. You have to cook and clean and juggle chores along with your relationship. You’re used to a daily routine, old habits, and that includes your relationships. It’s hard to shake up your relationship and remember why you’re in love.

First Love

Your first relationship is a defining time in your life, whether you date all through school or don’t get started until you’re out in the real world. It’s very telling how you act in the relationship, how you treat your partner, and how you allow your partner to treat you. If you’re just thankful to be in a relationship, you more than likely will let yourself be treated badly, just because you want to have someone. This sets the tone for all later relationships, and it often means you’ll only feel like you’re a person worthy of love when you’re in a relationship—even if there’s no love in the relationship. On the other hand, if you’re not really invested in your first relationship, you might keep the same tone for the future—you might not ever really feel love for your partner, and only be in a relationship because you think it’s what you should be doing. After your first relationship, you might think you keep having the same troubles because it’s always your partner’s fault. In reality, it’s your past that influences how you view both the present and the future. Regardless of how positive or negative your first relationship was, you’re more than likely going to keep choosing a similar partner, if only because that’s your “type.” In order to break your streak of troubled relationships, you don’t have to stray from what you like. You can still go for your “type”; just change your approach to the relationship. Don’t let the past problems make you bitter. Just because you had trouble with an ex doesn’t mean you should take it out on a new partner. Take time to look back at your history: what problems have you had in every relationship? How did you deal with those in the relationship? What can you learn from this? You need to learn your lessons and patch up these problem spaces before moving on.

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Valued Advice

Sometimes it can be hard to see your own problems in relationships. During these times, it’s important to have friends or family members you trust. You need to ask their opinion about your weak points and take their advice to heart. It’s easy, when you’re in a relationship, to feel like anyone who speaks out against your partner is just trying to be mean. In reality, they’re speaking up because they care about you, and they can see your partner or the relationship isn’t right for you. Listen to this. They’re letting you know that what they see what is wrong, and this is the perfect time for you to take a step back and look at your relationship as if you were an outsider. Be objective, and see what seems negative about the situation. If you keep your emotions out of it, you’re able to see what’s going wrong, and you will be able to see a pattern from your past relationships.

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Start Fresh

The easiest solution to most relationship problems is to be happy with yourself. If you love yourself and are happy with your own life, you will be more appealing to your partner. By being happy and having your own life (social, career, and more), you’re ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself and showing that you’re capable of caring for someone else in your life. You have to feel complete and happy each time you start a new relationship, so cut your past free and approach your next relationship with a clean slate.

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Featured photo credit: Morning Shadow via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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