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Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut in your life—so much of your day is taken up by routines. You wake up, you get ready for the day, you drive to work, you sit at your desk until it’s time to come home. Once you get home, you’re back with your sweetheart, but sometimes, things aren’t so sweet. You have to cook and clean and juggle chores along with your relationship. You’re used to a daily routine, old habits, and that includes your relationships. It’s hard to shake up your relationship and remember why you’re in love.

First Love

Your first relationship is a defining time in your life, whether you date all through school or don’t get started until you’re out in the real world. It’s very telling how you act in the relationship, how you treat your partner, and how you allow your partner to treat you. If you’re just thankful to be in a relationship, you more than likely will let yourself be treated badly, just because you want to have someone. This sets the tone for all later relationships, and it often means you’ll only feel like you’re a person worthy of love when you’re in a relationship—even if there’s no love in the relationship. On the other hand, if you’re not really invested in your first relationship, you might keep the same tone for the future—you might not ever really feel love for your partner, and only be in a relationship because you think it’s what you should be doing. After your first relationship, you might think you keep having the same troubles because it’s always your partner’s fault. In reality, it’s your past that influences how you view both the present and the future. Regardless of how positive or negative your first relationship was, you’re more than likely going to keep choosing a similar partner, if only because that’s your “type.” In order to break your streak of troubled relationships, you don’t have to stray from what you like. You can still go for your “type”; just change your approach to the relationship. Don’t let the past problems make you bitter. Just because you had trouble with an ex doesn’t mean you should take it out on a new partner. Take time to look back at your history: what problems have you had in every relationship? How did you deal with those in the relationship? What can you learn from this? You need to learn your lessons and patch up these problem spaces before moving on.

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Valued Advice

Sometimes it can be hard to see your own problems in relationships. During these times, it’s important to have friends or family members you trust. You need to ask their opinion about your weak points and take their advice to heart. It’s easy, when you’re in a relationship, to feel like anyone who speaks out against your partner is just trying to be mean. In reality, they’re speaking up because they care about you, and they can see your partner or the relationship isn’t right for you. Listen to this. They’re letting you know that what they see what is wrong, and this is the perfect time for you to take a step back and look at your relationship as if you were an outsider. Be objective, and see what seems negative about the situation. If you keep your emotions out of it, you’re able to see what’s going wrong, and you will be able to see a pattern from your past relationships.

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Start Fresh

The easiest solution to most relationship problems is to be happy with yourself. If you love yourself and are happy with your own life, you will be more appealing to your partner. By being happy and having your own life (social, career, and more), you’re ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself and showing that you’re capable of caring for someone else in your life. You have to feel complete and happy each time you start a new relationship, so cut your past free and approach your next relationship with a clean slate.

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Featured photo credit: Morning Shadow via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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