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Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

Old Habits Die Hard: Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship Problems

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut in your life—so much of your day is taken up by routines. You wake up, you get ready for the day, you drive to work, you sit at your desk until it’s time to come home. Once you get home, you’re back with your sweetheart, but sometimes, things aren’t so sweet. You have to cook and clean and juggle chores along with your relationship. You’re used to a daily routine, old habits, and that includes your relationships. It’s hard to shake up your relationship and remember why you’re in love.

First Love

Your first relationship is a defining time in your life, whether you date all through school or don’t get started until you’re out in the real world. It’s very telling how you act in the relationship, how you treat your partner, and how you allow your partner to treat you. If you’re just thankful to be in a relationship, you more than likely will let yourself be treated badly, just because you want to have someone. This sets the tone for all later relationships, and it often means you’ll only feel like you’re a person worthy of love when you’re in a relationship—even if there’s no love in the relationship. On the other hand, if you’re not really invested in your first relationship, you might keep the same tone for the future—you might not ever really feel love for your partner, and only be in a relationship because you think it’s what you should be doing. After your first relationship, you might think you keep having the same troubles because it’s always your partner’s fault. In reality, it’s your past that influences how you view both the present and the future. Regardless of how positive or negative your first relationship was, you’re more than likely going to keep choosing a similar partner, if only because that’s your “type.” In order to break your streak of troubled relationships, you don’t have to stray from what you like. You can still go for your “type”; just change your approach to the relationship. Don’t let the past problems make you bitter. Just because you had trouble with an ex doesn’t mean you should take it out on a new partner. Take time to look back at your history: what problems have you had in every relationship? How did you deal with those in the relationship? What can you learn from this? You need to learn your lessons and patch up these problem spaces before moving on.

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Valued Advice

Sometimes it can be hard to see your own problems in relationships. During these times, it’s important to have friends or family members you trust. You need to ask their opinion about your weak points and take their advice to heart. It’s easy, when you’re in a relationship, to feel like anyone who speaks out against your partner is just trying to be mean. In reality, they’re speaking up because they care about you, and they can see your partner or the relationship isn’t right for you. Listen to this. They’re letting you know that what they see what is wrong, and this is the perfect time for you to take a step back and look at your relationship as if you were an outsider. Be objective, and see what seems negative about the situation. If you keep your emotions out of it, you’re able to see what’s going wrong, and you will be able to see a pattern from your past relationships.

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Start Fresh

The easiest solution to most relationship problems is to be happy with yourself. If you love yourself and are happy with your own life, you will be more appealing to your partner. By being happy and having your own life (social, career, and more), you’re ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself and showing that you’re capable of caring for someone else in your life. You have to feel complete and happy each time you start a new relationship, so cut your past free and approach your next relationship with a clean slate.

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Featured photo credit: Morning Shadow via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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