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Notes From A Failure: 5 Unusual Ways To Handle Failure

Notes From A Failure: 5 Unusual Ways To Handle Failure

Failure is a part of life. It happens to all of us and we should accept that. Too many people are scared of it. They would rather get a harsh kick to the scrotum than step out into the open where the embarrassment of failing would be seen by the judgmental world. And the people in that world are only happy you failed because they can feel better about never trying.

Folks, I’m a failure. I have been my whole life, and it shows. I have been down to my last $20.65. I have lost $3000 with a single, drunken click. I have crashed cars, been fired, been the reason my team lost, been so depressed I couldn’t move, liked the girl but could not open my mouth, and so much more.

Failing sucks. There’s no way to add soft, fluffy feathers to it. It sucks and you never want it to happen. But it does and it will. So when failure happens, use these 5 unusual ways to deal with the situation.

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1. Get Back Up…With Caution

There’s that old Chinese Proverb about being knocked down seven times but standing back up eight. I like agreeing with it, it makes me sound persistent and tough. But it’s also stupid. If a bear knocked you down, started walking away, and you stood back up, he would come back and kill you. If you stayed down maybe you would be lucky enough to be left alone. I don’t know, I’ve never been attacked by a bear, but I assume you are supposed to play dead for a reason.

I have seen people lose their family, home, friends, everything; all because they wouldn’t admit their business was dead. So they went bankrupt and ended up in a small empty apartment, alone. You can keep getting up if you want, but make sure the fight will be worth it.

2. Unleash All Of Your Hate Immediately

When I was a teenager I used to get so mad I’d punch a cement wall until blood smeared across the blue paint. It hurt but I felt better. I don’t recommend that, though. I still get mad when bad things happen, but I don’t beat up walls anymore. I write instead. And it helps just as much, plus it’s far less intense and personally abusive, so bonus. Writing about my failures helps me get over them, even laugh at them a little. Laughing is good. And if you can eventually laugh at your mistakes and failures, then you are on an amazing path to recovery.

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3. Watch Your Favorite Comedian

I recently discovered the comedian Stewart Lee and I love his comedy. But I also love old performers like the George Burns and Gracie Allen Show. The point is, whatever makes me laugh I watch when I feel worse than everybody who invested with Bernie Madoff and found themselves caught up in a fraud. It helps. It doesn’t cure, but who cares? Giving your brain a rest from obsessing about failing is healthy. Be healthy, laugh as much as you can. It will increase your oxytocin and you’ll feel a lot better.

4. Drink Coffee In A Crowded Area

Drink coffee, or don’t drink coffee. Drink milk mixed with orange juice for all it matters. Just surround yourself with a bustling crowd. Maybe kids will be laughing and screaming through a water fountain. Maybe the cute girl at the coffee shop will have a laughing seizure from your joke and you’ll feel better. Maybe someone will smile at you as they walk by. I don’t know, lots of things happen in crowded spots.

Sit back and watch. Enjoy the scene. Enjoy the coffee. All the noise and people will get your brain working. Come up with new ideas. How can you make a comeback? What went wrong and how could you have done better? What can you do to get started on building some new momentum?

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Or just sit and enjoy the energy around you. You can think about your next move later.

5. People Don’t Care So You Shouldn’t Either

Other than your significant other, who actually cares about your failures? Yes, they will be supportive but they have their own problems and failures to worry about. They can give you some advice and maybe even a little help, but it all comes down to you getting over the failure yourself. Don’t assume people will stop their lives to help you back on your feet. It all comes down to you, so you need to start the process of figuring it out.

I used to get enraged at people for not caring more about my problems. If I was the most important person in my world, I should be the most important person in everyone’s world. I’d just get depressed and helpless and eat a lot of macaroni mixed with tuna and mushroom soup. Oh, and you can’t forget the gallons of rye and ginger ale. Caring about what others thought, or didn’t think of me, kept me down and kept me drinking.

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It took a lot of time but I don’t care as much anymore. It’s my life, my failures, my story, my ability to succeed. So go after success – whatever that means to you – and enjoy your life as much as you can. If you fail – and you will – it’s okay. It’s all part of the game. Enjoy the game.

Featured photo credit:  isan via Compfight via flickr.com

More by this author

Daniel CJ Grant

Daniel is the author of "Notes from a Failure". He writes about failure and success.

6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances Notes From A Failure: 5 Unusual Ways To Handle Failure 3 Unique Ways To Enjoy The Present Moment 9 Lessons I’ve Learned Overcoming Depression That Can Help Anybody Succeed In Anything 10 Vintage Things You Can Do Right Now to Be Awesome

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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