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Nobody Wants Perfect, Flaws are Beautiful

Nobody Wants Perfect, Flaws are Beautiful

We live in a world of flaws. Ironically, we place a high value on beauty and perfection. Every day, we are bombarded with advertisements featuring perfectly symmetrical and beautiful faces and bodies trying to sell to us. These ads woo us with the promise that if we get what “they” have, we can be as attractive as they are, too. Not only that, we also respond to the subconscious message that the beautiful are happier, richer, nicer, and more popular than the rest of us.

While this may work to get us to buy some products and services, there are a few drawbacks to selling perfection:

We are unable to relate. People who are very beautiful or successful are often seen and treated as “other.” This is also true of people held up as “saints” or moral examples. We may admire them, but have a hard time relating with their “perfection” on a human level.

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Perfection is simply a myth. If you hang around a perfect person long enough, you will quickly realize that they are not as perfect as they first seemed. They have idiosyncrasies and flaws just like we do. It can often be a deeply satisfying experience to learn that someone we admire is flawed. A shared shortcoming is even more powerful, as it helps us to not feel alone in the world. It can also give hope to someone who is struggling with their flaws. It lets them know that they can keep their shortcomings in check and live fulfilling and productive lives.

Perfection is not for sale. When we try to buy perfection, what we are really seeking is human connection. But what’s more human than the shared experience of being both flawed and beautiful?

Why Flaws Are Beautiful

While one aspect of beauty is symmetry, another important aspect is uniqueness. Our flaws are not simply unwelcome nuisances, they are integral parts of our lives. Each of us has our own combination of flaws and struggles that make us who we are. They make us unique, special, and beautiful.

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Flaws come in many flavors. Here are three areas of life in which we experience flaws, as well as ways we can harness their beauty and manage them positively.

Character Flaws

These are the personality flaws that can be as harmless as shyness or as hurtful as habitual lying. To be clear, there is not much beauty to be found in lying, cheating, or exhibiting arrogant behavior. When we see others engaging in such acts, our knee-jerk reaction is to be judgmental. But if we are honest with ourselves, we know that we too have the potential to do similar things under the right circumstances. We may even be able to recall a time in our lives when we fell victim to our own similar flaws. Here is where the beauty lies. It is in the acknowledgement that we can identify, at least in part, with another’s struggle. That in sharing our own struggles, we can strengthen another to help them manage or even overcome destructive behavior that come from their flaws. This beauty expresses the reality that we are all limited and that we need each other.

Some ways to manage character flaws:

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  • Acknowledge the flaw and any associated destructive behavior that is bringing harm to yourself and others.
  • Seek to replace destructive habits with positive ones.
  • Don’t go it alone. Employ the help of friends, loved ones, or professionals.
  • Accept the minor flaws that are not causing undue pain to yourself or others.
  • Seek out ways to help others in similar situations.

Physical Flaws

One of the negative side effects of a culture saturated with images of beautiful people is that it highlights the ways that “we” are not like “them.” My nose is not as straight, my jaw is not as strong, my teeth are not as white, my eyes are too big, my skin is too dark. This list of “flaws” can go on forever, and so can the insecurities that come from them. Some of us may have unusual physical features or scars that we experience as flaws. Know that your beauty comes not only from your physical appearance, but also from loving and embracing your physical uniqueness. Here is another thing to keep in mind: Having a physical feature that is not celebrated by society is not a flaw. It is you. It is me. It is beautiful.

Some tips on physical flaws:

  • Realize that we notice more about ourselves than other people do.
  • Resist the urge to constantly compare yourself with others.
  • Truly accept the beautiful person that you are, “flaws” and all. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say “I am beautiful!”

Emotional Scars

Our world is not perfect. Sometimes we bump into its imperfection in dramatic ways that can cause emotional scars. All it takes is one traumatic incident to change our lives forever. A person dealing with emotional scars may find it hard to trust, love, or feel safe. There may be a tendency to hide these scars, but healing often comes when we are able to expose them gently to the light. Some of the deepest human connections and bonds happen when we allow others into our most vulnerable spaces. This is beauty.

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Some ways to manage emotional scars:

  • Acknowledge the pain.
  • Do not be afraid to be vulnerable by sharing your story with someone you love and trust.
  • Be patient. Emotional wounds often heal or subside with the passage of time.
  • Seek the help of a professional counselor or therapist.
  • Let go.

May you discover the beauty in your flaws today, and know that you are gorgeous.

Featured photo credit: geralt via pixabay.com

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Cylon George

A spiritual chaplain and blogger who writes about practical spiritual tips for busy people.

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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