Luck marches with those who give it their very best – – H. Jackson Brown Jr.
What is luck? We know it is good and some people are blessed with it but the big question is how do we get more of it?
First of all, let’s find out exactly what luck is.
According to the dictionary, luck is “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions.”
While this is a good definition, there do seem to be people who are more prone to “lucky breaks” than others.
You have probably heard on occasion that you make your own luck. This is true and I can show you how to make more of it for yourself.
Luck can appear to be magical and there are some seemingly magic elements involved. However, if you really understand how life works, you can easily see how to make your life luckier.
First you have to understand what each of us as individuals are trying to do in life. We are trying to survive and to help others to survive better. We are connected as families, towns, countries, races and ultimately as the human race. What affects one of us affects the rest of us whether we know it or admit it or not.
When you look at luck, you cannot just look at luck for yourself but luck as it affects everyone involved in any given situation.
A thief who finds someone’s door unlocked may feel lucky, but the loss of property for the one being robbed and the subsequent self degradation of the thief makes us realize that his discovery of the open door was in fact, extremely unlucky.
When one commits harmful or criminal acts, he also creates his own bad luck. Call it Karma or give it another name. It doesn’t really matter, it is a fact of this universe.Advertising
This brings me to my first point that must be observed when making your own luck
1. Observe the Golden Rule.
You remember this one: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you”
In a nutshell, don’t do anything to someone else that you would not want someone else to do to you. This is a simple and effective rule of thumb in life. It is easy to remember and it is the first step on the road to luck.
The bottom line is that you allow yourself luck or deny yourself luck. If you have degraded yourself by being a person who is unworthy of trust, you wil not allow yourself luck. Take this one step in life and see how that affects your luck factor.
2. Be the Rising Tide.
This takes step 1 a bit farther.
Whenever I undertake an action that not only benefits me, but benefits others as well, I pull in TONS of luck! There is a saying that I live by and it is :”A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats”.
And this is true. As a species, we inherently try to help each other. We realize that there is an interdependence, one upon another, that must be cherished and nurtured for us to be successful. Being the Rising Tide provides nourishment to our native spiritual desires.
3. Really decide what you want to do.
Nothing can get you to your goal if you have not clearly outlined that goal and made the decision that you are going to reach it NO MATTER WHAT. That “No Matter What” part is the most important thing. If you have that mindset, you will succeed.
Anyone can make a vague decision about something, but if you change course every time something throws you off, you will never be “lucky” enough to get what you want. Those who get what they want, never stop going after it.
4. Purge negative people from your life.
Speaking of being thrown off, nothing throws you off more than other peoples’ negativity. No matter what worthy goal you choose for yourself, there is guaranteed to be someone who disapproves, doesn’t like it, and thinks you should do something else or better yet, do nothing at all.
You cannot and should not have as a goal, “to make everyone happy”. There are people who use their unhappiness to manipulate others. Those who feel that they must make everyone happy are slaves to such people.Advertising
People who make their own luck have decided to be masters of their own souls. Ignore negative comments, better yet, severely limit your contact with such people. They are too much work to deal with and you have better things to do with your time than try to reason with nasty, negative, naysayers.
5. Outline the steps to take to achieve your goal.
Every goal you can ever think of has a series of exact steps that will get you there. The tricky part is finding out what these steps are. How do you know what are necessary steps, what are desirable steps, and what are time wasters?
Here is a tip: Find someone who is successful at what you want to do and find out what he/she did to get there. Then create your own set of steps that mirror theirs.
If you are doing something totally new, find someone who has done something close to what you want to do. Hang out with those who have successfully achieved their goals and learn from them.
6. Don’t shy away from education.
Every goal you make comes with some training requirement. Luck comes from being prepared when opportunity knocks. Hanging out with successful people in your field will give you an idea of what you need to study.
If you purchase a how-to course, buy it from someone who is wildly successful in doing what they are going to be teaching you and not from someone who is simply good at marketing a course.
7. Make the Devil look like a slacker
You have heard that phrase, “Work like the Devil”. Don’t work like the Devil! Work harder! Work Smarter! Get more done in a day than anyone you know and make your actions count!
I love those talent shows on TV. They try to make you think that these humble people one day woke up and decided to sing opera. They stumble into the auditorium, try out for this competition and blow everyone away.
This is not how it works. Talent is not a God given gift, it is a hard won skill. Talent is nothing more than the burning desire to do something until it is perfect and to never give up.
While it is true that some of the most amazing artists and businessmen believe that they are nothing special, they have developed a work ethic that makes the Devil look like a gold bricking, good-for-nothing, goof-off.
It is work to achieve a goal. Lots and lots of work.Advertising
8. Do what you love.
How can you force yourself to work if you hate your job? You cannot do it for any sustained period. You may be able to force interest for awhile but ultimately you will quit in disgust.
On the other hand, if you are doing something that you love, something that you would do whether or not you were paid for it, you will succeed.
Lucky people who manage to work hard are generally doing something that they feel is worthwhile. They have a burning desire and nothing can stop them.
what you love and find out how to turn it into a career.
9. Stop the negative thoughts.
We all have them. We pour our hearts and souls into an activity and then some set back occurs. We stop for a moment and start to think that we should have listened to Uncle Joe when he told us we were completely insane to have started out on this ridiculous path.
Well, Uncle Joe is still full of it. Just because you had a set back does not mean he was right, ever!
Everyone has set backs. When those negative, naggy thoughts pop up, tell them to take a hike and figure out how to correct the set back. Then move forward again on your path.
10. Create positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts do not just happen. They need to be created and created often and with great clarity.
Let’s use the example of a new car. If you want a new car you usually can picture that car in your mind. It has to be a certain make and model, a certain color and have all the features you want. You even know what it will smell like.You have a very clear picture of exactly what you are looking for.
Create a positive a picture of your goal and the steps it takes to get you there.
Vagueness breeds confusion via uncertainty. Get certain about what you want and how you are going to get it.Advertising
11. Repeat after me “I get EVERYTHING I want!”
Repeat this often and believe it. I have taken this on as my mantra and it works! There is no reason you shouldn’t get everything you want.
12. Stop believing that there is something wrong or evil about having everything.
Life is a game and the things in life that make us happy are the rewards of playing well. I have no clue why some people think and say that people who are successful are evil, greedy thieves who have made their riches off the backs of someone else. Aside from some politicians, I don’t know anyone who is successful that hasn’t worked his or her butt off to get there.
If you get educated, work for the good of mankind, and work hard, you deserve everything in life.
Also know that you having everything does not stop anyone else from having everything. Life is not a zero sum game. Everything in it has to be created but there is no limit to the amount of creation. And you deserve the fruits of your creations.
13. Focus on what is important in life.
I think many of us have reached a point in our culture and education, where we see that money is not the ultimate reward of the game of life. Money is simply a symbol for the amount of work someone has done. Each dollar bill stands for a certain amount of work of some kind. That is all it is.
Money is not love, family, community, help or any of the things that make life worth while. If you think that it is, take a dollar bill out of your pocket and let it make you happy. I guess you could make a paper airplane out of it but after that, the bill is pretty much a spent force as far as entertainment and quality of life are concerned.
Now go find a friend or loved family member, or your dog. Which one makes you happier?
14. Count your blessings
And when I say “blessings” I mean the rewards in life that you have made come true. Sometimes we focus so much on the future goal that we forget what we have accomplished.
Every so often, go back and look at all you have done for yourself, your family, your community and mankind. You will be surprised how much you have gotten done.
15. Give yourself the love that you would reserve for the person you most love in your life.
Then crank it up a notch. Love is what makes your life worthwhile. Your idea of your own self worth is what makes you lucky. The amount of love you have for yourself is the amount of love you can give others. Our love for each other is what drives us in life. Look in the mirror and find some things to like about yourself. Do this A LOT!
Then start finding things you like about others as a daily exercise. Your luck will improve.
Last Updated on January 24, 2021
How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often
Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?
For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.
But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.
It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.
And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.
Table of Contents
The Importance of Saying No
When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.
In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.
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Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.
Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.
Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.
How We Are Pressured to Say Yes
It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.
From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.
We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.
And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.
The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.
How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?
Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.
But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.
3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No
1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.
If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.
2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time
When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.
Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.
3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters
When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.
6 Ways to Start Saying No
Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:
1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter
One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?
Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.
2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)
Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.
Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.
3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No
Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.
Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.
You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.
4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It
Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.
Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.
5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness
When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.
Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.
Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.
6. Consider How to Use a Modified No
If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.
Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.
Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.
Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.
Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.
More Tips on How to Say No
- How Self Care Can Help You Live Your Best Life
- 12 Rules for Self-Management
- 40 Self Care Techniques To Rejuvenate And Restore Yourself
Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com
|||^||Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You|
|||^||Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out|
|||^||Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”|