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How to Manage Powerful Emotions Easily

How to Manage Powerful Emotions Easily

Whether you feel depressed, angry, overwhelmed, or just worried about the future, there is a way to effectively manage your emotions and feel better right now! Let’s dive in!

When you are depressed.

Realize that this situation you’re going through is not all YOUR fault. It’s also other people’s fault. Externalizing the blame will help you get out of the depression phase, and possibly move you to anger… which is good news! Just create a list with all the people and conditions that are to blame…Don’t you feel a little better in doing so? Exactly, that’s relief, and it’s a necessary step if you want to get out of this dark situation you’re in.

You see, being angry is one step higher than being depressed. Then, once you’re angry, you can work on softening your feelings. Alternatively, if you can get yourself off the bed where you wallow in your pain, and actually exercise, then try it! Did you know that exercising is as capable as Zoloft in curing depression?

Not yet exercising? Your luck might change if you try Exercise Bliss, a step by step video program that helps you become a consistent exerciser even if you lack the motivation to exercise.

When you are angry.

Your goal is to move to frustrated, which is still angry but not too angry. Realize that if the other people who made you angry knew any better, then they would have done it. Plus, the situation that caused your anger was not even really about you. Other people project how they see the world on you.

Did your colleague just tell you that your glasses look awful? Don’t be surprised if they are judging themselves for their glasses, or if they’re really judgmental about their appearance. Their view on your glasses is connected to what they believe about themselves.

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Let’s see another example:

“I’m angry at myself for having allowed to become so fat. How did I do such a thing?”

Now, moving to frustrated…

“Well, what can I do about that? What’s done is done. I know it sucks, but I also know I cannot change the past. I can only work with what I have right now.”

Got it?

When you are worried about the future.

Worry means you’re focusing too much on things you can’t control. You can’t control the weather, or other peopel’s reactions, but you can control your actions. So you could spend tons of time worrying whether you’ll get more clients, instead of actually doing what you can control—finding clients!

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Focus on what you can control. Don’t devote your valuable resources to things you cannot control. And if you need extra resources to make this happen, this video will make you a beat-worry ninja.

When you are overwhelmed.

In one word, simplify. Do less. Aim for less.

First, clear your thinking. It’s an absolute necessity to eliminate tasks from your to-do list, or postpone some of the tasks for another day. Go through your to-do list and ask yourself: “Do I absolutely need to do this today?”

Now, another reason we’re overwhelmed is that we have too many choices. For example, when picking what to do professionally, but having too many passions, then what do we do?

Watch NYT best-selling author Ramit Sethi nail this question in this video:

When you are envious.

First, accept that feeling envious showcases a desire of yours straight in your face.

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For example, if you’re envious of rich people, it’s because you want to get rich too. Admit it.

Second, wish those people the best. No, they were not “lucky”. Or, it’s none of your business to decide whether they were worth it or not.

Finally, focus on yourself. You just realized you have a desire big enough that causes you to feel envy. Time to start planning how to get there?

Exactly. Get into action and the envy will be gone.

When you are desperate.

Feeling desperate shows you have created momentum that emphasizes the gap between where you are and where you want to go.

So for example, if you are currently 180 pounds but want to drop to 140, you might feel desperate if you have spent enough time thinking that you are 40 POUNDS AWAY FROM YOUR GOAL.

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You need to take it easy. Detach. Focus less on what’s left and more on what you have already achieved. The moment you start focusing less on the gap between where you are and where you want to go, you’ll feel better immediately.

When you are guilty.

Wherever there’s guilt, there’s also a “should” you are not following. So if you believe you should exercise, but don’t, then you’ll feel guilty. If you believe that good people don’t cheat, but you do, then you’ll feel guilty.

Guilt is evidence you are not conforming to one of your “shoulds”. Your first task is to discover what that “should” is.

Your second job is to examine whether you should keep that “should” or toss it. Or, maybe you need to tweak it. Maybe you are “enough” no matter your flaws and shortcomings. The overcoming guilt technique shows you various examples of how you can deal with guilt effectively.

Do you you have any tricks and tips for managing your emotions? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below and share your wisdom.

More by this author

Maria Brilaki

Maria helps people create habits that stick not just for a month or two but for years and decades.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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