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How to Manage Powerful Emotions Easily

How to Manage Powerful Emotions Easily

Whether you feel depressed, angry, overwhelmed, or just worried about the future, there is a way to effectively manage your emotions and feel better right now! Let’s dive in!

When you are depressed.

Realize that this situation you’re going through is not all YOUR fault. It’s also other people’s fault. Externalizing the blame will help you get out of the depression phase, and possibly move you to anger… which is good news! Just create a list with all the people and conditions that are to blame…Don’t you feel a little better in doing so? Exactly, that’s relief, and it’s a necessary step if you want to get out of this dark situation you’re in.

You see, being angry is one step higher than being depressed. Then, once you’re angry, you can work on softening your feelings. Alternatively, if you can get yourself off the bed where you wallow in your pain, and actually exercise, then try it! Did you know that exercising is as capable as Zoloft in curing depression?

Not yet exercising? Your luck might change if you try Exercise Bliss, a step by step video program that helps you become a consistent exerciser even if you lack the motivation to exercise.

When you are angry.

Your goal is to move to frustrated, which is still angry but not too angry. Realize that if the other people who made you angry knew any better, then they would have done it. Plus, the situation that caused your anger was not even really about you. Other people project how they see the world on you.

Did your colleague just tell you that your glasses look awful? Don’t be surprised if they are judging themselves for their glasses, or if they’re really judgmental about their appearance. Their view on your glasses is connected to what they believe about themselves.

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Let’s see another example:

“I’m angry at myself for having allowed to become so fat. How did I do such a thing?”

Now, moving to frustrated…

“Well, what can I do about that? What’s done is done. I know it sucks, but I also know I cannot change the past. I can only work with what I have right now.”

Got it?

When you are worried about the future.

Worry means you’re focusing too much on things you can’t control. You can’t control the weather, or other peopel’s reactions, but you can control your actions. So you could spend tons of time worrying whether you’ll get more clients, instead of actually doing what you can control—finding clients!

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Focus on what you can control. Don’t devote your valuable resources to things you cannot control. And if you need extra resources to make this happen, this video will make you a beat-worry ninja.

When you are overwhelmed.

In one word, simplify. Do less. Aim for less.

First, clear your thinking. It’s an absolute necessity to eliminate tasks from your to-do list, or postpone some of the tasks for another day. Go through your to-do list and ask yourself: “Do I absolutely need to do this today?”

Now, another reason we’re overwhelmed is that we have too many choices. For example, when picking what to do professionally, but having too many passions, then what do we do?

Watch NYT best-selling author Ramit Sethi nail this question in this video:

When you are envious.

First, accept that feeling envious showcases a desire of yours straight in your face.

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For example, if you’re envious of rich people, it’s because you want to get rich too. Admit it.

Second, wish those people the best. No, they were not “lucky”. Or, it’s none of your business to decide whether they were worth it or not.

Finally, focus on yourself. You just realized you have a desire big enough that causes you to feel envy. Time to start planning how to get there?

Exactly. Get into action and the envy will be gone.

When you are desperate.

Feeling desperate shows you have created momentum that emphasizes the gap between where you are and where you want to go.

So for example, if you are currently 180 pounds but want to drop to 140, you might feel desperate if you have spent enough time thinking that you are 40 POUNDS AWAY FROM YOUR GOAL.

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You need to take it easy. Detach. Focus less on what’s left and more on what you have already achieved. The moment you start focusing less on the gap between where you are and where you want to go, you’ll feel better immediately.

When you are guilty.

Wherever there’s guilt, there’s also a “should” you are not following. So if you believe you should exercise, but don’t, then you’ll feel guilty. If you believe that good people don’t cheat, but you do, then you’ll feel guilty.

Guilt is evidence you are not conforming to one of your “shoulds”. Your first task is to discover what that “should” is.

Your second job is to examine whether you should keep that “should” or toss it. Or, maybe you need to tweak it. Maybe you are “enough” no matter your flaws and shortcomings. The overcoming guilt technique shows you various examples of how you can deal with guilt effectively.

Do you you have any tricks and tips for managing your emotions? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below and share your wisdom.

More by this author

Maria Brilaki

Maria helps people create habits that stick not just for a month or two but for years and decades.

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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