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How To Love Your Partner In An Unconditional, But Healthy Way

How To Love Your Partner In An Unconditional, But Healthy Way

The concept of unconditional love is a tricky one. People have various views on the topic, ranging from unabashedly accepting it to wholeheartedly rejecting it. The truth about unconditional love is somewhere in the middle.

People who downright reject the concept of unconditional love may be taking on too severe of a definition. They might think, “I love her without boundaries or limits. I’ll ignore myself. I’ll change for her. I love him no matter what he does to me. He can treat me horribly and I’ll still be there for him,” is what it means to love unconditionally. Therefore unconditional love is unhealthy.

“I’ll forgive everything because I love him.” This is unconditional love, right?

WRONG.

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Unconditional love means that you and your partner focus on what keeps you together. It does not mean you ignore the reality of a relationship and disregard abuse or neglect. It does not mean you can’t separate if both partners are unhappy.

If you’re looking to love your partner unconditionally, here’s how to do it in a healthy way.

1. Work through the hard times.

Endure during unfavorable conditions. Don’t let the dark and disappointing times fool you into thinking that you can’t be in the relationship. Believe your love is worth fighting for and work through obstacles. Together. As a team.

2. Embrace every moment together.

Understand the fact that love is filled with ups and downs. Welcome into your heart every single part of it—the happiness, the romance, the adventures, the home-in-pajamas-time, the jokes, the laughter, the disagreements, the sadness, the tears, and all of the unknowns in between. No love is perfect, but the bad is just as much a part of the love as the good.

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3. Don’t give up at the first site of imperfection.

Accept your partner as a human being who makes mistakes. You and your partner both have flaws, obsessions, particularities, and opinions. Even those with the most easy-going attitudes have quirks. Just because your partner isn’t perfect doesn’t mean he or she is not a good fit for you. It also doesn’t mean they are not a good person. Understand that no one is perfect, not you nor your partner. But that’s okay!

4. Strike a balance and have mutual respect.

Do whatever you need to do to divvy up tasks, chores, and responsibilities in the relationship. If that means making a spreadsheet, great—do it. Maybe that means having one simple conversation. Either way, after you’ve figured out the balance in your relationship, don’t keep score. Relationships involve both give and take, and you don’t want to encourage resentment in either one of you. Make compromises for your partner. Allow your partner to make compromises for you. Respect each other.

5. Believe you and your partner both deserve happiness.

Above all, you and your partner deserve to be happy. One would never suggest staying in a relationship in which you are unhappy. However, if you truly love your partner, you can choose to try to make it work. Believing you both are worthy of happiness will put you in the right direction.

Unconditional love is not ignoring the trials and tribulations that come with combining two lives into one, but rather accepting them as part of the relationship as a whole. Unconditional love is what makes you want to stay and work on the relationship.

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BUT, should you let your husband abuse you? NO. Should you let your wife degrade you? NO. Should you tolerate cheating or neglect? NO.

Maybe there is no way to get absolutely, unabashed, no-holds-barred U-N-C-O-N-D-I-T-I-O-N-A-L love. But you and your partner can get pretty close, if that’s what you want. And if you don’t, that’s okay, too. Just be honest about it, with yourself and with your partner. Most people agree that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship.

You and your love truly can be that happy old couple who still hold hands each day.

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    Leave your definition of “unconditional love” below.

    Featured photo credit: Couple in Love/Clement Burelle via flickr.com

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    Last Updated on August 15, 2018

    When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

    When You Start to Enjoy Being Single, These 12 Things Will Happen

    Being single can make you weary, especially if you didn't initiate a breakup, it could be easy to get carried away with reminiscing and what-if scenarios. Staying caught up in the past is toxic to your growth, however, and interferes with your ability to move forward. Single life can be self-actualizing and enjoyable, but you need to embrace it first. No matter where you are on your journey in coming to terms with being single, the following 12 fantastic things will happen when you accept it.

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    1. You will be more focused.

      Once you start to treasure your new-found freedom, you will realize that taking time for yourself will show you what is most important in your life. Enjoying your single time will make what you want clearer and reveal which areas of your life you should build upon. Additionally, studies show that experiencing something alone results in our brain forming a more clear and longer lasting memory.

      2. You will be more active.

        Studies show that unmarried people are also more fit than their hitched counterparts. Let yourself welcome being single, and use this time to your benefit. You'll be more confident and in control when you do meet someone special.

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        3. You will be more likely to have high goals.

          Being single means you can't settle. In case someone who captures your heart comes along, you need to be at the top of your game. By embracing your time being single, you will be more able to pursue your goals and work towards a more complete, fulfilling future.

          4. You will be more creative.

            Spending time alone is also linked to an increase in creative thinking. Spending more time alone will force you to be a deeper thinker, and could lead you to solutions and projects you wouldn't have thought of otherwise.

            5. Your schedule will be your own.

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              Once you get past feeling lonely and realize how wonderful being single is, you will become aware of one of the best perks – your schedule is now completely your own. No longer do you need to have nights out approved, nor will long days at work get interrupted. Relax into loving your single life because nothing is quite as liberating as deciding every moment of your weekly schedule.

              6. You will likely save money.

                Dating is a great way to wave goodbye to all your hard earned cash. When you're with someone, there's nothing more important than impressing them, including your income. However, when the relationship fizzles, you realize how this tactic doesn't pay off. Not only are we more prone to spending when dating, married couples are more likely to have credit card debt than unmarried singles. So don't get depressed when you're eating cheap meals alone – it's really a form of investing in your future!

                7. You won't need to compromise on entertainment.

                  Particularly if your significant other tends to have different tastes than you, being single can be a blessing. As soon as you can appreciate being single, you will realize how freeing it is to always watch exactly what you want. There is no longer any need to skimp on your favorite movies, plays, or TV shows that others don't appreciate.

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                  8. You will have more time for your family.

                    Another thing you will realize once you learn to relish being single is you now have much more time for family. Especially when it comes to older relatives, time spent with them truly is precious. Make the most of your single time by reconnecting with family members in your life you may have been neglecting.

                    9. You have more time for your friends.

                      Once you start basking in your single glory, you will also find that you have more time for your friends. Not only will increased free time let you reconnect with friends you may have neglected while being half of a couple, studies also show that married people have much weaker social lives than those who are unmarried.

                      10. You will find new haunts in your city.

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                        Once you start to enjoy your single life again you will also find that you have plenty of time to rediscover your city. Where relationships see us fall into the same habit of favorite spots to drink, eat, or dance, when you're on your own you will naturally start to explore fresh venues again.

                        11. You'll find more interests.

                          Similarly, enjoying your time being single will give you more time to consider new hobbies and interests. Instead of repeating the same go-to dates, you can now freely explore activities that really make you passionate.

                          12. You will be more aware of what you want.

                            Ultimately, taking time to ourselves is an important ingredient in discovering what type of person is our ideal match, or what career we can happily commit to. By delighting in your uninhibited life, you are more able to experiment and thereby find out what works for you and what doesn't. Don't look at being single as a drawback, since learning more about yourself and finding out what makes you tick are crucial in forming balanced, healthy relationships in the future.

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