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How To Love Your Partner In An Unconditional, But Healthy Way

How To Love Your Partner In An Unconditional, But Healthy Way

The concept of unconditional love is a tricky one. People have various views on the topic, ranging from unabashedly accepting it to wholeheartedly rejecting it. The truth about unconditional love is somewhere in the middle.

People who downright reject the concept of unconditional love may be taking on too severe of a definition. They might think, “I love her without boundaries or limits. I’ll ignore myself. I’ll change for her. I love him no matter what he does to me. He can treat me horribly and I’ll still be there for him,” is what it means to love unconditionally. Therefore unconditional love is unhealthy.

“I’ll forgive everything because I love him.” This is unconditional love, right?

WRONG.

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Unconditional love means that you and your partner focus on what keeps you together. It does not mean you ignore the reality of a relationship and disregard abuse or neglect. It does not mean you can’t separate if both partners are unhappy.

If you’re looking to love your partner unconditionally, here’s how to do it in a healthy way.

1. Work through the hard times.

Endure during unfavorable conditions. Don’t let the dark and disappointing times fool you into thinking that you can’t be in the relationship. Believe your love is worth fighting for and work through obstacles. Together. As a team.

2. Embrace every moment together.

Understand the fact that love is filled with ups and downs. Welcome into your heart every single part of it—the happiness, the romance, the adventures, the home-in-pajamas-time, the jokes, the laughter, the disagreements, the sadness, the tears, and all of the unknowns in between. No love is perfect, but the bad is just as much a part of the love as the good.

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3. Don’t give up at the first site of imperfection.

Accept your partner as a human being who makes mistakes. You and your partner both have flaws, obsessions, particularities, and opinions. Even those with the most easy-going attitudes have quirks. Just because your partner isn’t perfect doesn’t mean he or she is not a good fit for you. It also doesn’t mean they are not a good person. Understand that no one is perfect, not you nor your partner. But that’s okay!

4. Strike a balance and have mutual respect.

Do whatever you need to do to divvy up tasks, chores, and responsibilities in the relationship. If that means making a spreadsheet, great—do it. Maybe that means having one simple conversation. Either way, after you’ve figured out the balance in your relationship, don’t keep score. Relationships involve both give and take, and you don’t want to encourage resentment in either one of you. Make compromises for your partner. Allow your partner to make compromises for you. Respect each other.

5. Believe you and your partner both deserve happiness.

Above all, you and your partner deserve to be happy. One would never suggest staying in a relationship in which you are unhappy. However, if you truly love your partner, you can choose to try to make it work. Believing you both are worthy of happiness will put you in the right direction.

Unconditional love is not ignoring the trials and tribulations that come with combining two lives into one, but rather accepting them as part of the relationship as a whole. Unconditional love is what makes you want to stay and work on the relationship.

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BUT, should you let your husband abuse you? NO. Should you let your wife degrade you? NO. Should you tolerate cheating or neglect? NO.

Maybe there is no way to get absolutely, unabashed, no-holds-barred U-N-C-O-N-D-I-T-I-O-N-A-L love. But you and your partner can get pretty close, if that’s what you want. And if you don’t, that’s okay, too. Just be honest about it, with yourself and with your partner. Most people agree that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship.

You and your love truly can be that happy old couple who still hold hands each day.

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    Leave your definition of “unconditional love” below.

    Featured photo credit: Couple in Love/Clement Burelle via flickr.com

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    Last Updated on June 19, 2019

    6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

    6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

    I’ve stood on the edge of my own personal cliffs many times. Each time I jumped, something different happened. There were risks that started off great, but eventually faded. There were risks that left me falling until I hit the ground. There were risks that started slow, but built into massive successes.

    Every risk is different, but every risk is the same. You need to have some fundamentals ready before you jump, but not too many.

    It wouldn’t be a risk if you knew everything that was about to happen, would it? Here’re 6 ways to be a successful risk taker.

    1. Understand That Failure Is Going to Happen a Lot

    It’s part of life. Everything we do has failure attached to it. All successful people have stories of massive failure attached to them. Thinking that your risk is going to be pain free and run as smooth as silk is insane.

    Expect some pain and failure. Actually, expect a lot of it. Expect the sleepless nights with crazy thoughts of insecurity that leave you trembling under the covers. It’s going to happen, no matter how positive you are about the risk you are about to take.

    When failure hits, the only options are to keep going or quit. If you expect falling into a meadow of flowers and frolicking unicorns, then you’re going to immediately quit once you realize that getting to that meadow requires you to go through a rock filled cave filled with hungry bats.

    2. Trust the Muse

    Writing a story isn’t a big risk. It’s really just a risk on my time. So when I start writing a story, I’m scared it will be time wasted. Of course, it never really is. Even if the story doesn’t turn out fabulous, I still practiced.

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    When I’ve taken risks in my life, the successful ones always seemed to happen when I followed the muse. Steven Pressfield describes the muse,

    “The Muse demands depth. Shallow does not work for her. If we’re seeking her help, we can’t stay in the kiddie end. When we work, we have to go hard and go deep.”

    The muse is a goddess who wants our attention and wants us to work on our passion.

    If you’re taking a risk in anything, it’s assumed that there is some passion built up behind that risk. That passion, deep inside you, is the muse. Trust it, focus on it, listen to it.

    The most successful articles and stories I write are the ones I’ve focused all my attention on. There were no interruptions during their creative development. I didn’t check my phone or go watch my Twitter feed. I was fully engaged in my work.

    Trust the muse, focus your attention on your risk, let the ideas and path develop themselves, and leave the distractions at the side of the road.

    3. Remember to Be Authentic

    Taking a risk and then turning into something you’re not, is only going to lead to disaster. Whether you are risking a new relationship or new opportunity, you must be yourself throughout the entire process.

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    How many times have you acted like you loved something just because the men or woman you just started going out with loved it?

    For example, I’m not an office worker. I have an incredibly hard time working in a confined timeline (ie. 9-5). That’s why I write. I can do it whenever the mood strikes, I don’t have somebody breathing down my neck, telling me that I’m five minutes late, or missed a comma somewhere. I don’t have to walk on eggshells wondering if what I’m writing will get me fired or make me lose a promotion. I can just be myself, period.

    One girlfriend didn’t understand that. She believed solely in the 9-5 motto, specifically something in human resources because that was a very stable job. I was scared for my future, but I stuck with the relationship because of my own insecurities and acted like I would do it to make her happy.

    Here’s a tip: NEVER take away from your happiness to make somebody else satisfied (note I didn’t say happy).

    Making somebody else happy will make you happy. Doing something to satisfy somebody is murder on your soul.

    4. Don’t Take Any Risks While You’re Not Clearheaded

    I’d been considering the risk for a couple weeks. It all sounded good. I was 22 and I could be rich in a couple of years. That’s what they were selling me, anyways.

    One night, while at a house party with some friends, I found myself at a computer. A couple of my friends were standing nearby and asked me what I was doing. I told them I was considering starting my own business and it was only going to cost me $1,500.

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    Of course, when a bunch of drunk people are surrounded by more drunk people, things get enthusiastic. It sounded like the best business venture in the world to everybody, including me. So I signed up and gave them my credit card number.

    A few painful months and close to $4,000 dollars lost later, I quit the business. I was young and fell into the pyramid scheme trap. It was an expensive drunk decision.

    Drinking heavily and making decisions has a proven track record of failure. So when you have something important to decide, don’t let your emotions take over your brain.

    5. Fully Understand What You’re Risking

    It was the start of my baseball comeback. I got a tryout with a professional scout and killed it. After the tryout, he talked to my girlfriend and myself, making sure we understood I would be gone for up to 6 months at a time. That strain on the relationship could be tough.

    We understood. I left to play ball, chose to stay in the city I played in, and a year later we broke up. Not because of baseball, see point 3 above. Taking big risks can have massive impacts on everything in your life from relationships to money. Know what you’re risking before you take the risk.

    If you believe the risk will be worth it or you have the support you need from your family, then go ahead and make the leap.

    You can get more guidance on how to take calculated risks from this article: How to Take Calculated Risk to Achieve More and Become Successful

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    6. Remember This Is Your One Shot Only

    As far as we know officially, this is our one shot at life, so why not take some risks?

    The top thing people are saddened by on their deathbeds are these regrets. They wish they did more, asked that girl in the coffee shop out, spoke out when they should have, or did what they were passionate about.

    Don’t regret. Learn and experience. Live. Take the risks you believe in. Be yourself and make the world a better place.

    Now go ahead, take that risk and be successful at it!

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    Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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