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How To Have Healthy Relationships When You Come From A Broken Family

How To Have Healthy Relationships When You Come From A Broken Family

How do you have healthy relationships when you come from a broken family? This is a question most of us can relate to. Sometimes we can refer to our families as dysfunctional, but learning how to deal with dysfunction can give us the upper hand when it comes to sorting any family drama. To you, a broken family may mean adoption, parent-child turbulence, sibling competition, divorce, or the loss of a loved one, but by embracing your family status (however that may look), you’ll find yourself building stronger, healthier, relationships for the future.

 

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1. You Need To Accept Your Past To Have Healthy Relationships

Okay, so maybe you had a complicated childhood, a rough start to a marriage, or even trouble with the in-laws. These altercations do not and should not define you. Accepting that you had to manage these kinds of encounters not only makes you a stronger person, you’re also wiser for it. The biggest feat to overcoming any broken family situation is knowing that you survived! Although your past can make you feel as if you are withered and jaded (and you have every right to feel that way), step outside of the past because it’s time to live in the present. Life is always just beginning, and healthy relationships are just around the corner. 

2. You Need To Recognize Your Weaknesses To Have Healthy Relationships

We all have weaknesses, it’s a fact. The biggest hurtle is to recognize them, after that, managing them can become a lot simpler. Admitting feelings like jealousy to yourself does not showcase your weakness, but only displays your strengths. It’s time to stop building a wall of excuses and address the root of your problems. Once you get the hang of accepting your weaknesses, managing them won’t feel so intimidating, and all the triggers that once set you off with your loved ones, will soon leave you calm and in-control to build your healthiest relationships yet! 

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3. You Need To Embrace Your Strengths To Have Healthy Relationships

Sometimes in broken families you lose touch with your strengths and what you can actually bring to the table. Right now, it doesn’t matter what anyone has said to you in previous altercations. Today is a new day and once you begin to see your worth and embrace your strengths, others will begin to see your worth too. Healthy relationships start with respect and acknowledgment of each other’s positive characteristics. If you are struggling to find the good inside of yourself, grab a paper and pen and make a list. Think of the things you are good at, think of your talents, and your character traits. It will add up quickly that you are an awesome person to have around and you should be thanked for simply being you. 

4. You Need To Learn To Truly Listen To Others To Have Healthy Relationships

Listening is your greatest tool when building healthy relationships. It helps you practice empathy and compassion which is very important to when communicating to one another. Having the ability to give your undivided attention shows love and appreciation to people, and it works best when it’s reciprocated. It’s easy to always be the one talking, nagging, complaining, or bragging, so when you can exercise self-control and just sit and listen without interrupting the ones you care about, you bring unimaginable amounts of value to the relationship. Everyone wants to be heard, but it’s a gift only a few receive. 

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5. You Need To Control Reactionary Words and Actions To Have Healthy Relationships

In the past, maybe you fought and argued, maybe you ran and hid, how about that really nasty word or accusation you made? Now, in the future be pro-active and use self-control when addressing sticky situations. The best of relationships can break the moment someone feels accused. Relationships are not about blaming or hurting, they are about unity and compromise. We can’t expect to spit fire and get soap bubbles back. Mind what you say, say what you mean, and respect will remain mutual. Words may not break bones, but they sure can kinder souls. 

6. You Need To Respect The Power Of Trust To Have Healthy Relationships

Some people from broken families struggle with relationships because they have yet to feel a since of stability. A part of building a relationship with anyone is being honest and trustworthy. Each party of the relationship needs to feel as if they can trust one another, whether that’s telling a friend a secret in confidentiality, or giving your heart entirely to a lover. Without trust you both become skeptical of one another, as you would be to a stranger on the street. If you’ve lost trust in people because of your broken family, just remember that not all people are the same, and some do deserve the chance to be trusted.

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 7. You Need To Comprehend Teamwork To Have Healthy Relationships

No matter what, every relationship is 50/50. No mistake, decision, or action is just one person’s doing. In relationships most people do things based on the circumstances of the other person. You need to put in what you want out of a relationship, and sometimes that means admitting that you were wrong every now and then, crushing your ego for a smile in return, or scarfing your want for someone else’s need.

8. You Need To Know When History Is Repeating Itself To Have Healthy Relationships

You’ve seen it over and over again, and you can’t figure out how to stop it. It seems as if poor relationships have followed you around your entire life, but you can’t blame yourself for that, you only know what you know. If you happened to have grown up in an environment were relationships were taken for granted, and bad habits were of the norm, the most important thing you can do for yourself is recognize and avoid them. It’s not always about letting go of relationships that don’t help you grow, because it shouldn’t be about using people until they are no good to you anymore. It’s about knowing when to say enough is enough, because the relationship is stumping your growth. If you’re noticing a reoccurring trend that is obviously not working for you, maybe you have to be the one to break the link for new beginnings.

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Last Updated on September 30, 2020

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

How to Live a Stress Free Life in a Way Most People Don’t

Learning how to live a stress free life may seem impossible, but the truth is that there are specific things you can do to begin eliminating sources of stress.

No, it doesn’t look like a made-for-television movie. No, it doesn’t look like something only people with extra time and money can do. It looks like your life—but without any self-created stress triggers.

Here are 11 ways to help you live a stress-free life:

1. Stop Overanalyzing Situations That Haven’t Happened

The first step to living a stress-free life is to stop overanalyzing imaginary scenarios. It’s easy to spend time in the world of worst-case scenarios. People tend to cultivate this world for one of two reasons.

First, because if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then it won’t surprise you when it happens. Second, if you know what the worst-case scenario is, then you can do everything in your power to control the universe so the worst case never happens.

If that’s really the world you want to cultivate, then become a professional risk assessor. If not, then ask yourself how you are benefiting from continuing to live that way.

Does it make you feel better about yourself and your life? Does it make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, eager to embrace the worst-case scenario? Does it bring you joy or fulfillment?

If your answer to these three questions is no, then stop living in the future and bring yourself back into the present.

2. Don’t Take on Other People’s Problems

The whole advantage of other people having problems is that they aren’t your problems. When you frequently take on other people’s problems, you get into the habit of enabling.

Let’s get crystal clear about the definition of enabling: enabling is the art of continuing to take responsibility for other people, thereby disallowing their personal responsibility[1].

It is of no service to other people to take on their problems because they can’t/won’t/don’t know how to fix the problem.

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It is of service to empower others to take responsibility for themselves and their lives, to encourage, teach, and motivate others to address their own problems. So stop enabling, and start empowering.

3. Get Present in the Moment

Being present in the moment involves being in your body and feeling your feelings—two things that lots of folks actually don’t know how to do.

Ask yourself these two questions: What does fear feel like in your body? What are you afraid of?

If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you probably aren’t present in the moment. Being present involves vulnerability, humility, and openness[2].

How to live a stress free life by being present

    The past and the future stop being so relevant and intriguing when you’re able to get in your body and feel your feelings. When you can do these two things, you actually want to be in the present moment.

    To get started, close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and watch your stress levels drop. Then, try these tips: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying.

    4. Focus on What You Have, Not What You Don’t

    The easiest way to stop focusing on what you don’t have is by not watching TV commercials. Marketing teaches us to focus on what we don’t have, and advertising campaigns spend millions of dollars convincing us that we must have what we don’t yet have.

    Can you think of a marketing campaign that teaches you to enjoy what you already have without buying something to enhance it? Odds are you can’t.

    In a world dictated by Super Bowl commercials and Facebook ads, it takes stalwart focus to recognize what you have more than what you don’t. If you want a stress-free life now, get stalwart, and stop letting other people dictate your focus.

    In order to do this, try cultivating a gratitude practice to help refocus your mind toward what is good in your life. You can get started with this guide.

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    5. Stop Surrounding Yourself With People Who Don’t Make You Happy

    Honestly, what kind of people do you really like to be around with? People who get you, who see you clearly, who accept your flaws and all; people you can be yourself with; people who have shared interests?

    How many of those people are in your life? What characteristics do all of the other people in your life have?

    If you find that the people in your life aren’t adding anything positive, it may be time to make some changes. If you find that other relationships you have are downright toxic, start working to cut out those relationships immediately.

    6. Find a Job That Makes You Feel Good

    You don’t have to stay at a job just because it pays the bills. Most people spend more time working than sleeping. The average person spends 40 to 80 hours a week—or 2,000 to 4,000 hours a year—working. That is a significant investment!

    If your best friend or child told you that they were going to spend 4,000 hours giving their emotional, mental, and physical energy to something (or someone) that wasn’t going to value them, give anything back to them, or pay them what they were worth, what advice would you offer? Give that same advice to yourself. You won’t be stress-free unless you don’t learn this[3].

    Here’re 11 Signs That You Should Leave Your Job.

    7. Only Take on What You Can Handle

    Busyness is an addiction. Slowing down can actually be terrifying because it causes you to notice that you have feelings that you now have time to feel.

    I get it.

    By the time I slowed down, I had decades of busyness under my belt. I went into a tailspin depression because I didn’t understand how to be in the right relationship with my own emotions.

    When I finally figured out that feelings are just feelings and allowing them to express themselves is healthy and natural, I stopped experiencing withdrawal from my addiction to busyness and started figuring out the pace of life that felt best for me.

    Remarkably, I discovered that I don’t actually like being busy. What will you discover about yourself?

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    8. Let Go of Grudges and Anger

    For me, it took 20 years of adulthood to figure out that holding on to grudges and anger only hurt me. Lucky for you, though, you can benefit vicariously from my experience just by reading one short paragraph!

    No one is holding your feet to the fire, demanding that you hold on to grudges and anger. The energy of anger slowly eats away at your body, mind, and spirit, until one day you wake up more resentful than optimistic.

    One day, people no longer want to be around you because the stink of negativity is oozing out of your pores. One day, you even get tired of hearing yourself get angry. And the person or people you are angry at or holding grudges against probably haven’t been affected at all.

    Who gets hurt the most in that process of repeating negative thoughts? You do.

    Some good advice for you here: How to Let Go of Resentment and Anger

    9. Stop Reliving Your Past

    To live a stress-free life, you have to stop reliving your past. I know it seems like fun to compare everything in your present to your past, and to experience the present through past-colored glasses, but it actually isn’t.

    When you wear past-colored glasses, you can’t truly experience the present for what it is. Your boyfriend or girlfriend gets compared to a list of expectations and failed relationships rather than recognized for the unique blessing they are in your life.

    Your boss gets compared to all the bosses who came before her/him. Your friends’ ability to parent gets compared to your parents’ ability to parent.

    People, including you, deserve to stand on their own past-free merit.

    10. Don’t Complain About Things You Can’t Change

    There are always going to be people elected into office whom you don’t like, taxes that you don’t want to pay, idiot drivers who refuse to move out of the left-hand lane, and a person ahead of you in the check-out line who won’t stop chatting with the clerk.

    The great benefit of being human is that we get to experience all of what life offers us. To live stress-free is to learn to deal with this fact.

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    Dwelling on your frustration with something that can’t be changed doesn’t do anything other than drag you down. You are the only person who will ultimately decide how to respond to what is.

    11. Stop Living Through Other People’s Lives

    Someone else’s life is not your life. Your life is your life.

    What that means is you get to live your life in the way you want. You get to make ridiculous mistakes, take leaps of faith, and stuff things inside your handbag of fear just as much as the next person.

    Going through stuff is the whole great messy adventure of being human! Being alive and living life is terrifying and glorious and everything in between.

    Stop living through social media, trying to soak in all of the experiences everyone else is having. Focus, instead, on what it feels like to be you in this moment. You may find you like it.

    Final Thoughts

    An astounding thing happens when you reduce stress and anxiety, get into a relationship with your body, mind, and spirit, and just be yourself without judgment.

    Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for the weekend. You begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life, with this feeling of contentment and joy.

    You move fluidly, steadily, calmly, and gratefully. A veil is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born through improved mental health. And this is how you live a stress-free life.

    More Tips on How to Live a Stress-Free Life

    Featured photo credit: Drew Coffman via unsplash.com

    Reference

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