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How To Have Healthy Relationships When You Come From A Broken Family

How To Have Healthy Relationships When You Come From A Broken Family

How do you have healthy relationships when you come from a broken family? This is a question most of us can relate to. Sometimes we can refer to our families as dysfunctional, but learning how to deal with dysfunction can give us the upper hand when it comes to sorting any family drama. To you, a broken family may mean adoption, parent-child turbulence, sibling competition, divorce, or the loss of a loved one, but by embracing your family status (however that may look), you’ll find yourself building stronger, healthier, relationships for the future.

 

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1. You Need To Accept Your Past To Have Healthy Relationships

Okay, so maybe you had a complicated childhood, a rough start to a marriage, or even trouble with the in-laws. These altercations do not and should not define you. Accepting that you had to manage these kinds of encounters not only makes you a stronger person, you’re also wiser for it. The biggest feat to overcoming any broken family situation is knowing that you survived! Although your past can make you feel as if you are withered and jaded (and you have every right to feel that way), step outside of the past because it’s time to live in the present. Life is always just beginning, and healthy relationships are just around the corner. 

2. You Need To Recognize Your Weaknesses To Have Healthy Relationships

We all have weaknesses, it’s a fact. The biggest hurtle is to recognize them, after that, managing them can become a lot simpler. Admitting feelings like jealousy to yourself does not showcase your weakness, but only displays your strengths. It’s time to stop building a wall of excuses and address the root of your problems. Once you get the hang of accepting your weaknesses, managing them won’t feel so intimidating, and all the triggers that once set you off with your loved ones, will soon leave you calm and in-control to build your healthiest relationships yet! 

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3. You Need To Embrace Your Strengths To Have Healthy Relationships

Sometimes in broken families you lose touch with your strengths and what you can actually bring to the table. Right now, it doesn’t matter what anyone has said to you in previous altercations. Today is a new day and once you begin to see your worth and embrace your strengths, others will begin to see your worth too. Healthy relationships start with respect and acknowledgment of each other’s positive characteristics. If you are struggling to find the good inside of yourself, grab a paper and pen and make a list. Think of the things you are good at, think of your talents, and your character traits. It will add up quickly that you are an awesome person to have around and you should be thanked for simply being you. 

4. You Need To Learn To Truly Listen To Others To Have Healthy Relationships

Listening is your greatest tool when building healthy relationships. It helps you practice empathy and compassion which is very important to when communicating to one another. Having the ability to give your undivided attention shows love and appreciation to people, and it works best when it’s reciprocated. It’s easy to always be the one talking, nagging, complaining, or bragging, so when you can exercise self-control and just sit and listen without interrupting the ones you care about, you bring unimaginable amounts of value to the relationship. Everyone wants to be heard, but it’s a gift only a few receive. 

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5. You Need To Control Reactionary Words and Actions To Have Healthy Relationships

In the past, maybe you fought and argued, maybe you ran and hid, how about that really nasty word or accusation you made? Now, in the future be pro-active and use self-control when addressing sticky situations. The best of relationships can break the moment someone feels accused. Relationships are not about blaming or hurting, they are about unity and compromise. We can’t expect to spit fire and get soap bubbles back. Mind what you say, say what you mean, and respect will remain mutual. Words may not break bones, but they sure can kinder souls. 

6. You Need To Respect The Power Of Trust To Have Healthy Relationships

Some people from broken families struggle with relationships because they have yet to feel a since of stability. A part of building a relationship with anyone is being honest and trustworthy. Each party of the relationship needs to feel as if they can trust one another, whether that’s telling a friend a secret in confidentiality, or giving your heart entirely to a lover. Without trust you both become skeptical of one another, as you would be to a stranger on the street. If you’ve lost trust in people because of your broken family, just remember that not all people are the same, and some do deserve the chance to be trusted.

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 7. You Need To Comprehend Teamwork To Have Healthy Relationships

No matter what, every relationship is 50/50. No mistake, decision, or action is just one person’s doing. In relationships most people do things based on the circumstances of the other person. You need to put in what you want out of a relationship, and sometimes that means admitting that you were wrong every now and then, crushing your ego for a smile in return, or scarfing your want for someone else’s need.

8. You Need To Know When History Is Repeating Itself To Have Healthy Relationships

You’ve seen it over and over again, and you can’t figure out how to stop it. It seems as if poor relationships have followed you around your entire life, but you can’t blame yourself for that, you only know what you know. If you happened to have grown up in an environment were relationships were taken for granted, and bad habits were of the norm, the most important thing you can do for yourself is recognize and avoid them. It’s not always about letting go of relationships that don’t help you grow, because it shouldn’t be about using people until they are no good to you anymore. It’s about knowing when to say enough is enough, because the relationship is stumping your growth. If you’re noticing a reoccurring trend that is obviously not working for you, maybe you have to be the one to break the link for new beginnings.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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