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How To Have A Better Love Life In 9 Steps

How To Have A Better Love Life In 9 Steps

A better love life is within reach for anyone. It only takes desire and concerted effort to make headway. The following 9 steps will lead any person to have a love life they can treasure.

Step 1. Nurture your self-love.

As one gets older, no truer statement becomes more real for us than the words, “If you don’t love yourself, you will not have the love life you want.”

When there is a lack of self-love, there is also a shortage of self-respect and self-compassion. Absence of these fundamental feelings for oneself will create an environment where a person will tolerate mistreatment all too easily.

A person who has healthy self-love values his or her feelings and well-being. They require a certain amount of respect, kindness, and gratitude from their significant other.

Step 2. Know what you bring to the table.

This is permission to toot your own horn. Write down and own what is wonderful and amazing about you.

The more you know what you are worth, the more it becomes apparent to others. Developing a healthy sense of self-confidence will boost your love life to the next level because nothing is sexier than a self-assured person.

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Step 3. Clearly express your wants and needs.

Speak up and ask for what will make you happier and improve your love life.

Effectively communicating your wants and needs will speed up the process of advancing your love life to something that you adore.

As you nurture self-love and confidence, it will become easier to ask for what you want. Your darling will appreciate your honesty and forthrightness because it will be clear to them what they need to do to make you happy and feel loved.

Step 4. Make your physical body sexy to you.

What do you think is sexy? Perhaps it’s soft skin, toned muscles, plump booty, to a name a few.

Whatever it is that you think is sensual, do that for yourself. Wear perfume, put on pretty undergarments, workout and boost your sexy factor.

When a person feels sexy, it’s pretty dazzling to others too. When your better half sees how you take care of yourself, he or she will take notice and your love life can’t help but benefit.

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Step 5. Explore your body and know what turns you on.

Until our partners can read our minds, we need to speak up and steer them into what makes us feel loved. Some people are good at reading body language, some are not. Make it easier for your mate to satisfy you by telling him or her what turns you on.

A healthy love life includes a healthy sex life. Sex between two people who love each other is one way to express that love.

To feel connected, seen, and satisfied in this intimate way will do wonders to enrich your love life.

Step 6. Learn to listen.

From our lover describing what turns him or her on, to them talking about their day, listen intently.

When people feel heard — that is, when they have a sense that what they are saying is being understood and taken into consideration — they feel connected and respected.

These feelings create immense satisfaction; it’s like rainbows, unicorns, and chocolate all in one to them. Such emotions confirm that they have made the right choice in who to love.

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Speaking from personal experience, when my love makes me feel heard, I see him through rose colored glasses and my heart expands.

Step 7. Practice heart expansion with your loved one.

Heart expansion is acting in a way that makes your heart explode with love and goodness. Conversely, heart contraction is doing things that make you feel sad, angry, and unloved.

When you practice heart expansion with your partner, you do things for them that make them feel good, but also, it makes you feel great.

For example, your loved one has been working long hours all week so you decide to make a special dinner, draw them a bath, or provide space for them to have some quiet time. Whatever it is you do, it’s something that makes them feel loved and cared for. At the same time, this generosity expands your heart which makes you cherish your love life.

Step 8. Cultivate your friendship.

Your lover does not have to be your best friend, but he or she should be a good friend. A person whom you can easily talk to, hang out with, and of course, is loyal through and through.

This other aspect of your connection will contribute to the health and longevity of your relationship.

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The deeper the bond you have with your significant other, the greater the loving feelings you develop. This results into a more intimate experience in love making.

Step 9. Learn to love your partner’s imperfections.

There is a Japanese term and world view called wabi-sabi which translates to finding beauty in imperfection. It’s derived from Buddhist teachings where impermanence is accepted and understood as the way of life.

There is no faultless partner or perfect love life. There is only our good perception of our other half and the ideal love situation we desire. Therefore, as we look upon them, we need to see their imperfections as part of their beauty.

The more beauty we see in our spouse — that is, looking at him or her in their totality and truly seeing what makes them special — the more reasons we can find to love them.

With a wabi-sabi attitude towards our lover, we can create the love life we always dreamed of.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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