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How to Find Self-Acceptance By Mastering These 8 Ego-Destroying Tips

How to Find Self-Acceptance By Mastering These 8 Ego-Destroying Tips

Our ancestors had a one-size-fits-all approach to solving their problems. If someone were different, they would kill them. If someone were sickly or weak, they would kill them. Even the people who were exiled were hunted down and killed sooner or later.

Today it is a little barbaric to go around and just kill people. Sadly, we still do it. Only now, instead of a hatchet we use our massive egos to kill the things that we are most threatened by. The ego thrives on fear and keeps us in a primal, fight-or-flight state. In this state, we behave like wild animals. Unfortunately, we can never fully destroy the ego. The only thing that we can do is tame it through social domestication and training. Here are eight ways to achieve this:

1. You can begin the process of ego destroying by accepting the primordial parts of the self.

There are certain behaviors that are embedded in all humans. Many of these behaviors are needed for our survival. However, when a behavior becomes instinctual, it is virtually impossible to control. Through the years we have worked to control the ego through a social domestication process. So, much like a dog or cat, our genetic code has been altered. It has been socially neutered to stop the procreation of anything that is inherently harmful.

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2. Human domestication is part of the ego-destroying process.

The human domestication process was intended to weed out all of your bad traits. It was suppose to work as a process to tame your primal instincts and wild nature. It was a means of giving the ego self-restraint. So, when it starts to bark or bite, you can just place a muzzle over it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

However, this kind of behavior has resulted in suppression. This causes the ego to become much stronger. Then the ego will start to act out by defecating on the living room floor, leaving you to reprimand it when it loses control. You need to train the ego to control itself. Besides, the whole point of being socially domesticated is to learn how to clean up your doo-doo. Sadly, if your ego doesn’t understand right from wrong, you’re probably going to be knee deep in it!

3. You can master the process of ego destroying by choosing not to be overly defensive.

So, what happens when someone smells it and calls you out on your stuff? You revert back to your primal instincts. You devolve into your natural, uncivilized state where all problems were fixed with one simple solution: Kill! If you feel threatened by someone’s ideas or presence, you have to kill. If you are sexually attracted to someone and the feeling is not reciprocated, you have to kill. If someone makes you feel weak, feeble, and insecure, you have to kill. Your ego wants to kill anyone and everyone who makes you feel bad. Suppression causes the ego to spiral out of control. Negative energy will always be released when presented with the right opportunity.

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4. You can master the process of ego destroying by accepting the fact that the ego is a part of you.

In fact, you need the ego to survive and grow. However, you have got to put the ego in its place. When you seek to suppress the ego, you suppress the most natural parts of who you are. You become less creative and spontaneous, and you just can’t relax and live in the moment. If you’re having problems with suppression, just let go. Go wild and learn how to live in the moment. You need to understand chaos theory and that creation stems from disorder.

5. You can master the process of ego destroying by surrendering control.

Your ego wants to turn you into a control freak. Control freaks are looking for pets, not friends. They want to tame people by keeping them on a short leash. After all, it is best to not let them wander too far. Egos want to surround themselves with people who will obey, sit at their feet, and love them unconditionally. Fortunately, people can never be pets. If you want to stop treating people like pets, learn to be a giver. Also, learn how to appreciate people’s shortcomings and mistakes. You need to learn how to use experiences as life lessons that will enable you to become a better person.

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6. You can master the process of ego destroying by training the ego to be less judgmental.

Sadly, control freaks have massive egos that cause them to be extremely judgmental. In fact, they only feel safe and comfortable when things are done their way. If you want to stop being controlling, ease up on the judgments. Start to accept everything and everyone as they are.

7.You can master the process of ego destroying by standing up to your ego when it acts like a bully.

Bullies are like the ill-reputed pit bull terrier. In many situations, they have been beaten and abused by their owners. Only, their owners in real life may be their parents, friends and relatives. Your ego will approach every confrontation like it is a dogfight. It will bare its teeth and mangle anyone who poses a threat. Sadly, the ego is riddled with fear. It is in a constant state of fight or flight, so it is no longer able to think rationally. It solves its problems much like a fighting dog: by biting off its opponents’ heads and rolling them out of the ring once they’re dead.

8. Your ego wants to be your best friend.

If you have anger issues, are impulsive, short tempered, have a lot of regrets, and treat people badly, you can combat this problem by facing your fears. The ego thrives on fear. Behind fear is the feeling of vulnerability. However, we can only allow ourselves to be vulnerable when we feel safe and secure. If you have issues with your ego, you need to figure out what’s triggering you to go into fight-or-flight mode. If you’re constantly feeling threatened, ask yourself why. Then start to reprogram your mind by visualizing yourself in a safe and secure place.

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The ego is a primordial part of the self. Many behaviors that are associated with the ego are instinctual and thus difficult to control. Ego destroying may be virtually impossible; however, the ego can be tamed by mastering these eight life-changing tips.

Featured photo credit: Ego Destroying via dreamstime.com

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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