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How to Find Self-Acceptance By Mastering These 8 Ego-Destroying Tips

How to Find Self-Acceptance By Mastering These 8 Ego-Destroying Tips

Our ancestors had a one-size-fits-all approach to solving their problems. If someone were different, they would kill them. If someone were sickly or weak, they would kill them. Even the people who were exiled were hunted down and killed sooner or later.

Today it is a little barbaric to go around and just kill people. Sadly, we still do it. Only now, instead of a hatchet we use our massive egos to kill the things that we are most threatened by. The ego thrives on fear and keeps us in a primal, fight-or-flight state. In this state, we behave like wild animals. Unfortunately, we can never fully destroy the ego. The only thing that we can do is tame it through social domestication and training. Here are eight ways to achieve this:

1. You can begin the process of ego destroying by accepting the primordial parts of the self.

There are certain behaviors that are embedded in all humans. Many of these behaviors are needed for our survival. However, when a behavior becomes instinctual, it is virtually impossible to control. Through the years we have worked to control the ego through a social domestication process. So, much like a dog or cat, our genetic code has been altered. It has been socially neutered to stop the procreation of anything that is inherently harmful.

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2. Human domestication is part of the ego-destroying process.

The human domestication process was intended to weed out all of your bad traits. It was suppose to work as a process to tame your primal instincts and wild nature. It was a means of giving the ego self-restraint. So, when it starts to bark or bite, you can just place a muzzle over it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

However, this kind of behavior has resulted in suppression. This causes the ego to become much stronger. Then the ego will start to act out by defecating on the living room floor, leaving you to reprimand it when it loses control. You need to train the ego to control itself. Besides, the whole point of being socially domesticated is to learn how to clean up your doo-doo. Sadly, if your ego doesn’t understand right from wrong, you’re probably going to be knee deep in it!

3. You can master the process of ego destroying by choosing not to be overly defensive.

So, what happens when someone smells it and calls you out on your stuff? You revert back to your primal instincts. You devolve into your natural, uncivilized state where all problems were fixed with one simple solution: Kill! If you feel threatened by someone’s ideas or presence, you have to kill. If you are sexually attracted to someone and the feeling is not reciprocated, you have to kill. If someone makes you feel weak, feeble, and insecure, you have to kill. Your ego wants to kill anyone and everyone who makes you feel bad. Suppression causes the ego to spiral out of control. Negative energy will always be released when presented with the right opportunity.

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4. You can master the process of ego destroying by accepting the fact that the ego is a part of you.

In fact, you need the ego to survive and grow. However, you have got to put the ego in its place. When you seek to suppress the ego, you suppress the most natural parts of who you are. You become less creative and spontaneous, and you just can’t relax and live in the moment. If you’re having problems with suppression, just let go. Go wild and learn how to live in the moment. You need to understand chaos theory and that creation stems from disorder.

5. You can master the process of ego destroying by surrendering control.

Your ego wants to turn you into a control freak. Control freaks are looking for pets, not friends. They want to tame people by keeping them on a short leash. After all, it is best to not let them wander too far. Egos want to surround themselves with people who will obey, sit at their feet, and love them unconditionally. Fortunately, people can never be pets. If you want to stop treating people like pets, learn to be a giver. Also, learn how to appreciate people’s shortcomings and mistakes. You need to learn how to use experiences as life lessons that will enable you to become a better person.

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6. You can master the process of ego destroying by training the ego to be less judgmental.

Sadly, control freaks have massive egos that cause them to be extremely judgmental. In fact, they only feel safe and comfortable when things are done their way. If you want to stop being controlling, ease up on the judgments. Start to accept everything and everyone as they are.

7.You can master the process of ego destroying by standing up to your ego when it acts like a bully.

Bullies are like the ill-reputed pit bull terrier. In many situations, they have been beaten and abused by their owners. Only, their owners in real life may be their parents, friends and relatives. Your ego will approach every confrontation like it is a dogfight. It will bare its teeth and mangle anyone who poses a threat. Sadly, the ego is riddled with fear. It is in a constant state of fight or flight, so it is no longer able to think rationally. It solves its problems much like a fighting dog: by biting off its opponents’ heads and rolling them out of the ring once they’re dead.

8. Your ego wants to be your best friend.

If you have anger issues, are impulsive, short tempered, have a lot of regrets, and treat people badly, you can combat this problem by facing your fears. The ego thrives on fear. Behind fear is the feeling of vulnerability. However, we can only allow ourselves to be vulnerable when we feel safe and secure. If you have issues with your ego, you need to figure out what’s triggering you to go into fight-or-flight mode. If you’re constantly feeling threatened, ask yourself why. Then start to reprogram your mind by visualizing yourself in a safe and secure place.

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The ego is a primordial part of the self. Many behaviors that are associated with the ego are instinctual and thus difficult to control. Ego destroying may be virtually impossible; however, the ego can be tamed by mastering these eight life-changing tips.

Featured photo credit: Ego Destroying via dreamstime.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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