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Everybody Lies: 7 Wrong Things They’ve Told You About Life

Everybody Lies: 7 Wrong Things They’ve Told You About Life

There is no reason to deny the fact we all depend on society somehow and that our surroundings influence our thoughts and world views in general. As children, we believe everything our parents tell us. As pupils, we listen to our teachers. As students, we listen to our professors carefully, and we trust their knowledge and life experience. Certainly, they do not want to hurt us, and they do not want to lie. But the truth is that they do sometimes lie to us.

What do we have as a result? Disappointment. When young people suddenly find out that nothing they were told actually works, they feel lost, and they do not know what to do. It is high time to reveal seven common lies each of us heard about life. Do not they sound familiar to you?

You are good at everything you do

You must confess that it is always easier to tell a child he is great at something than to hurt him and say he is not. We do not want to offend anyone, and we think that it is bad to disappoint a young person and tell him the ugly truth when he is only 5 years old. Everyone believes that this kid will understand everything himself while growing up, and he will see for himself what is good and what is bad about him.

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So, we lie instead of supporting REAL talents and achievements. As a result, the child gets older and does not understand why his new friends at school do not agree with the fact he is a good artist, singer, mathematician, etc.

You should do everything perfectly!

Did your parents or teachers at school tell that you should do everything as perfectly as possible? Do it well, or do not do it at all! And you grow up with a strong belief you should be perfect; otherwise, you will not achieve anything. But there is no success without a failure! And there is nothing wrong with the fact you can’t find a job of your dream right after your graduation, or that your first piece of art did not get positive feedback from critics.

Marry before you are 30

Who says? Why do we all believe we should build a family before a definite moment? Will your life end if you do not have a husband or wife when you are 31 or 35? We all understand that everyone has his time for a marriage, but we feel guilty anyway, seeing all of our married friends around and listening to parents who can’t stop asking us “when.”

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It is difficult for some people to ignore a societal pressure. But remember: you do not owe anything to others around you, and you have your own time to build a family. And who knows, maybe a marriage is just not for you? Yes, it happens. And there is nothing wrong with that!

Only the right college will help you succeed

Do you still believe that? There are many examples of bright and successful people who did not graduate from universities at all! Do not be narrow-minded! Give yourself more credit in life: go to a college YOU (not your parents or teachers) like, try yourself in different spheres and environments. You can find your path anywhere, not only in a prestigious college, though education and being a college student are important part of course.

You will not get a good job without education

As we’ve already said, education is important. And certainly, the majority of employers will pay attention to your diploma. But the truth is that they do not need students who did nothing but show up for class for four years.

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The most valuable things are often learned outside of your classroom. That is why your degree means nothing without any other skills and experience you could get.

The first job means everything for your future career

Students are often told that their first job will define their careers, so they sit and wait for the perfect moment or hope to find the right job right away. Do not ignore any experience you can get, even if it does not fit your diploma! Even if you work as a waiter when you have a degree in IT, this job can bring you new knowledge and experience that can unexpectedly help you with searching for the job of your dreams.

You will earn much more than your parents

I do not know why, but many young people believe they will become rich and successful once they leave parents’ home and start working. At the same time, they have no idea what their parents actually do, and how they earn money for living. Such an impression is that money will just appear from nowhere.

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It is nonsense to suppose that you will get everything at once, while your parents needed 20 years to achieve that. To get something means to work hard on it, spend much time and energy on it, and even fail sometimes.

Just build your own path, and try to follow your own thoughts and views. There is no need to continue believing postulates that do not work for everyone today.

 

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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