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Embrace Who You Really Are and Simplify Life Decisions

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Embrace Who You Really Are and Simplify Life Decisions

“Who am I?” is the universal question most often asked. It begins in adolescence and persists through life’s developmental stages. Thankfully, the responses differ. Can you imagine if every one had the same answer?  It would be like watching The Phantom of the Opera with every actor playing the phantom. When you embrace the uniqueness of who you are, you will uncover your life purpose to begin living your dream

Read on for the oh-so-rewarding results of self-acceptance.

1. You’ll be the expert on who you are.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had an owner’s manual that shows how YOU tick? Learning about yourself is usually a process of trial and error.  You can eliminate the errors by tuning in to how you behave and react in different situations. What triggers defensiveness in you? Can you diffuse irritation and avoid going ballistic?  Which activities fuel your enthusiasm? Knowing your behaviors, reactions, strengths, and weaknesses equips you to smoothly navigate work situations and social interactions.

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2. You’ll gain a BFF for life—YOU.

A healthy self-relationship develops when you fully embrace yourself, warts and all.  In a deep relationship, a woman can sense and will gently touch her partner to calm him down during a heated discussion with someone.  A man will protectively put himself between his partner and a menacing stranger. When you are a friend to yourself, you won’t put yourself in situations which cause you anger, fear, or sadness. You acknowledge your weaknesses, but you also work at lessening or converting those weaknesses. Acceptance and effort earns self-respect. You’ll start to appreciate yourself.

3. You’ll treat yourself kindly.

You wear many hats in life. You hold a job, are a friend, a spouse, a parent, caregiver to aging parents, driver, confidant, volunteer, etc. Many people depend on you, but you cannot always deliver. Because you are your own BFF, you will be forgiving of our shortcomings. You’ll take mistakes as lessons for improvement and successes as validation of skills. Both will present opportunities for self-nurturing. Treating yourself to some quiet time alone or celebrating with a fun group will become second nature and guilt-free.  You know it is well-deserved.

4. You’ll stop living in fear of not being good enough.

Inferiority usually surfaces in comparison with peers.  Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson states that the concept of inferiority begins at school age in the classroom environment.  Peer pressure is strongest during adolescence due to the amount of time spent with large numbers of similarly-aged groups and the high importance adolescents place on their peers’ opinions. How does this information help you?  You can congratulate yourself for transitioning from that challenging time (and be extra kind to adolescents.) You can remind yourself that feelings of not being good enough are just that—feelings, not facts.  If you accept your weaknesses, you are less vulnerable to another person’s judgment.

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5. A copycat, you’ll never be.

Toddlers imitate their parents and adolescents get influenced by their friends’ choice of colleges to attend. This is part of learning self-concept.  A female job intern will follow the dress style of the lady boss and a male apprentice will mimic the authoritative voice of his mentor. This is a natural part of adapting to the work culture. When you embrace who you really are, you have a stable self-concept. You are aware of your personality traits, how you look and sound, your values, beliefs, goals and skills. And you appreciate your individuality. Copy another person’s identity? That’s unlikely because you are comfortable being you.

6. You’ll get rid of “what ifs” and “maybes.”

What if I apply for a marketing job and get rejected?  What if I tell this girl I like her and she laughs at my face?  What if I start that small business and it goes bust? Maybe I should just settle for where I am now. Over-analyzing and worrying about negative results stems from self-doubt, which is the opposite of self-confidence.  A person with good self-esteem has a decent opinion of self and likes him/herself.  You know your skills, are guided by your values and beliefs; learn from mistakes, and proudly celebrate your successes. Self-knowledge and appreciation drive away self-doubt.

7. You’ll form deep and meaningful relationships

People get their cue from the way you behave and treat yourself.  If your behavior is consistent with your beliefs and values, they will recognize a person who is similar or different from them but who is clearly an individual, with his or her set of beliefs and values.  People will not misread your actions. You know what you deserve and are comfortable asking calmly for it.  You don’t let others impose their beliefs on you and you withhold judgment on their beliefs. When you embrace who you truly are, you will attract other authentic individuals who respect, value, and support you.

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8. You’ll know and can focus on what truly moves you.

Life has a way of throwing questions to which your answers are pivotal. Self-knowledge is a powerful tool in your responses. A series of significant questions and authentic answers will reveal your dream and life purpose. When you embrace who you really are, your answers will ring true and clear, and lead you each step of the way. You’ll instinctively know the job you’ll thrive in, the causes you’ll best contribute to, the people you’ll connect deeply with, and what makes you feel truly alive.  Your decision-making will be simple, guided by two questions:  “Does this support who I really am?” and “Does this help me live my life purpose?”

9. “Things fall into place” for you.

“You create your reality with your intentions.”

—Gary Zukav

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I’ve seen it happen. When you decide and affirm your intention, the opportunities show up inexplicably in the strangest of ways from the most unexpected sources to support that intention.

It works best when:

  • your dream/purpose reflects the divine in you, helps others, and protects nature;
  • you are clear about your dream and purpose;
  • you make each life decision in support of your dream and purpose;
  • you believe!

But first of all, you have to embrace who you really are.

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Featured photo credit: Chicken LIttle, flickr.Wasin Waeosri via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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