Advertising
Advertising

Don’t be Discouraged if You Ever Feel Like you Fall Behind in Life

Don’t be Discouraged if You Ever Feel Like you Fall Behind in Life

Everything’s humming along fine in your life, when suddenly you land on the website of a peer, and a note on the home page informs you that they’ve just won a prestigious award and landed a book deal.

Or you’re on Facebook, in a pretty good mood, until your glance lands on a status update from a high school acquaintance, crowing about how well their latest Oprah interview went.

Or you meet someone at a party and discover they started a business in the same niche as you, a few years after you did. You’re ready to start dispensing some helpful wisdom, until you discover that their business growth has been exponential–a hockey stick, compared to your slow upward curve.

It makes your stomach clench, that discouraging feeling that everyone else is blasting forward, while you’re falling behind in the race of life.

The Comparison Trap

I call this the Comparison Trap, and sometimes I feel like I step into it daily. (Sometimes several times a day!)

Advertising

The thing is, living in an online universe, we’re regularly flooded with shining examples of people who are steps ahead of us. Heck, as a podcaster, I’m regularly interviewing heroes of mine, people who seem way beyond me at creating their vision, developing their business, achieving their dream. Envy, that familiar green face, rears its ugly head, and it’s all too easy to feel badly about myself for not making as much money/for not being as prolific/for not having as large a following/for not being as successful as the person I admire.

It’s an interesting position to be in: the internet has made it so easy to find role models to inspire us, which is certainly a blessing! But the blessing comes with a curse: now we’re all in a prime position to be caught in the Comparison Trap, consumed with envy and bad feelings.

“Why does [Person X] get all the luck?” you might think, and conclude “I am such a loser in comparison!”

Some days it’s enough to make a person want to crawl into a cave. “Compare and Despair Syndrome,” I’ve heard it called, because that’s what we do: we compare ourselves to others, and we despair.

How to Armor Up Against Compare and Despair Syndrome

I’ve come to the conclusion that my struggle with envy and the Comparison Trap may plague me in one way or another for the rest of my life. But that’s okay, because when you understand your adversary, you can better arm yourself against it.

Advertising

My armor? Anything and everything that will help me remember the Benign Reality: That I am really and truly okay. That my value lies in my uniqueness. That the more I vibrate at my own energy and follow my own, unique path, the more I will attract the people that resonate with me and situations that benefit me.

The components of this armor include:

1. A team of champions — people who love me and believe in me, even when I can’t believe in myself. (Anyone who doesn’t qualify can — and should — be weeded from my friendship garden with impunity.)

2. Teachers and sages who remind me of Benign Reality, whether in person or in print.

3. Mantras/affirmations/validations — whatever you want to call them. Combinations of words that remind me of my worth.

Advertising

4. Inspirational art/music/poetry to buoy me up.

And most of all:

5. The understanding that comparing myself to others is never useful. Each of us is truly incomparable!

As Martha Graham is credited as saying:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

To help myself remember, I created the calligraphic artwork below, from this mantra that sprang into my head: “Why compare myself to others? There’s no comparison!” I hope you find it helpful!

Why compare myself to others? There's no comparison!

    Now go forth and be you!

    Featured photo credit: Philadelphia Bike Race – flying off Lemon Hill by bk at Flickr via flickr.com

    More by this author

    The Simplest Ways to Stay Enthusiastic in Life (Even When You Are Drowning in Work) How To Increase Your Willpower? Just 10 Simple But Powerful Tricks Don’t be Discouraged if You Ever Feel Like you Fall Behind in Life Handling Criticism: 5 Tools to Help You Grow a Thick Skin

    Trending in Communication

    1 7 Ways To Deal With Negative People 2 How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward 3 What Are Interpersonal Skills? Master Them for Better Relationships 4 How To Stop Negative Thoughts from Killing Your Confidence 5 This 4-Year Old Girl’s Explanation On the Problem with New Year’s Resolutions Is Everything You Need

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on January 18, 2019

    7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

    7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

    Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

    But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

    If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

    1. Limit the time you spend with them.

    First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

    Advertising

    In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

    Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

    2. Speak up for yourself.

    Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

    3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

    This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

    Advertising

    But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

    4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

    Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

    This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

    Why else would they be sharing this with you?

    Advertising

    5. Change the subject.

    When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

    Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

    6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

    Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

    I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

    Advertising

    You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

    Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

    7. Leave them behind.

    Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

    If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

    That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

    You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

    Read Next