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I Am A Real Gentleman. That’s Why I Am A Winner In Love.

I Am A Real Gentleman. That’s Why I Am A Winner In Love.

Today a gentleman is endangered species. And we men know that too. There are lots of distractions in this world that blocks our way to inherit a character of a gentleman.

Even as the time passes by, the word “man” has no same meaning as before. If we define it by the archaic method, a man means to “fortify the spirits or courage of.”

These days’ people even confuse the meaning of a gentleman. Opening the car for you lady won’t make you a gentleman, but your overall behavior will.

Today we will remind ourselves of the nine traits of a legit gentleman.

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1. Chivalrous

Being chivalrous is being gallant. Paying special attention to women and being polite with them is one of the first traits of a gentleman. Not opening the car and being a jackass after, not opening the door and letting her down after, but a man who gives special attention that every women seeks.

2. Courteous

Being polite and respectful in a considerate manner is to be courteous. I’ve seen men dressed in tuxedos, having a beautiful haircut, great shoes and yet they answer the phone when their women is in the middle of her story. That’s disrespectful and definitely not polite.

To be courteous we have to behave all of our lives in a considerate manner.

3. Honorable man

An honorable man will never hurt his woman. He is warm, respectful, and he will always make time for his lady. And the most important is that he doesn’t play games. Games are for high school relationships. It’s really bad that most of the time both men and women are stuck in the games cycle. They think that relationships couldn’t last if there were no games. That type of behavior is not the one of a lady and definitely not of a gentleman.

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4. Realistic

The next trait of a real gentleman is to be realistic. People often don’t want to see reality. They would rather live in a false one than to be faced with the real situation.

A true gentleman always oversees things realistically. If the car tire is broken, it needs to be fixed. We are not going to drive with broken tire. It’s same in relationship. If something doesn’t work out, we should fix it. Otherwise it will accumulate bigger problems that often end up in breakup, or worst case in a divorce.

5. Polite

Politeness is an expression of concern for other people’s feelings. Being linguistically polite involves a highly complex mix of appropriate words, grammar, intonation and tone of voice.

Positive politeness’ is used to emphasize goodwill and it helps preserve the other person’s positive feeling. Paying compliments, saying “Okay” or “Mhm … ” in all the right places and calling someone by a nickname can all be ways of being positively polite.

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6. Gallant

A man who is much concerned with his dress and appearance is a gallant person. Although it might be uncertain to some, appearance is the first thing that speaks your language, or let me say, shows your qualities. To be a true gentleman we have to be concerned of our bearing every second of the day. If I would give any example, I could put Harvey Specter from “Suits” as a gallant person.

7. Respectful

Respect is to hold someone in high regard and honor their achievements. If you are respectful of your partner, you show them that you recognize that they are their own person. Being respectful means you not only admire them, but listen to them and understand that their goals are as important as yours.

8. Noble

We could be noble in personality which means we are trustworthy and honest. Or we could be a noble meaning we have royal blood in us. We will stick to the first one.

These days finding a trustworthy and honest person is like finding treasure! We should strive more for the nobility and the so-called “human treasure.” That’s what makes one person a pure gentleman.

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9. Decent

The word decent has a vast meaning. But to be really a decent gentleman, puts everything right in the spot. One decent gentleman is proper, correct, appropriate (especially for his woman), reasonable, fair and acceptable.

Featured photo credit: Distinguished Gentleman (2)/Michiel Souren via flickr.com

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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