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8 Ways To Release And Prevent Resentment In Any Relationship

8 Ways To Release And Prevent Resentment In Any Relationship

If you’re not careful, resentment can build in any relationship. Over time, resentment can grow and lead to bitterness which makes it impossible to maintain a healthy relationship. Practice strategies that will allow you to prevent and release resentment before it builds up. Here are 8 ways to release and prevent resentment in any relationship.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings, Even if They’re Negative

Feelings aren’t bad, even if they’re negative. What you choose to do with those feelings is what makes the difference. It’s normal to feel angry, disappointed, embarrassed, and hurt.

When you experience painful emotions, label them and acknowledge them. Trying to ignore them or stuff them won’t make them go away. Instead, they can build up over time and lead to resentment.

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2. Speak Up When Your Feelings are Hurt

When someone hurts your feelings or has unrealistic expectations for you, be willing to speak up. Holding in small hurts over time and can cause anger and resentment to build. Wait until your calm and use “I” messages to express your feelings.

3. Create a List of Reasons Why Holding a Grudge Won’t Help

Holding onto a grudge about something in the past is likely to hurt you more than the other person. If you harbor anger, resentment, and even hatred toward someone else, it can impact other areas of your life negatively.

Create a list of the reasons why holding a grudge isn’t helpful. Seeing it on paper can help you see the ways that harboring resentment can impact your life.

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4. Create a List of Reasons Why Forgiveness Can be Helpful

Be willing to consider forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean you need to excuse the other person’s behavior or that you’ll forget what happened. However, it can be about letting go of all those feelings that you are holding on to.

Create a list of the reasons why forgiveness could be helpful to your life. Look at what positive things could happen if you let go of those negative emotions that have been building up.

5. Avoid Complaining to Other People

If you’re feeling angry with someone, avoid talking to everyone else about it. Sharing your anger with others over and over again is likely to fuel your anger and frustration. Don’t get others involved or expect others to take sides. Instead, talk directly with the person that you’re angry with to address the problem in a direct manner.

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6. Try to Look at the Issue from the Other Person’s Point of View

Try to establish some empathy for the other person. Imagine what that person might have been thinking and feeling when your feelings were hurt.

Looking at the situation from the other person’s point of view can help you develop compassion. Don’t assume the other person had evil intentions but instead, recognize that the person could have had good intentions.

7. Accept that People Aren’t Perfect

Prevent resentment by accepting that no one is perfect. People who care about you and love you will hurt your feelings sometimes. Other people can’t meet your needs all the time.

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It’s unrealistic to expect that people will always behave in a way that is pleasing to you. Everyone makes choices in life and there will be times when you don’t like the choices someone else makes.

8. Say No When You Don’t Want to Do Something

If you behave like a martyr by always saying yes to everything, you’ll likely feel taken advantage of quickly. Saying no to things you don’t want to do is one of the best ways to prevent resentment.

Whether you say no to your sister asking you to babysit or you decline an invitation to dinner from a friend, if you don’t want to do it and you can’t do it with a cheerful attitude, consider saying no.

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Amy Morin

A psychotherapist, psychology instructor, keynote speaker, and the author of the bestselling book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative 10 Things To Remember When Everything Goes Wrong 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do 12 Ways To Improve Social Skills And Make You Sociable Anytime 6 Mistakes That Keep You Struggling in Life And Stuck

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

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The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

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The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

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Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

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The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

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