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8 Ways To Release And Prevent Resentment In Any Relationship

8 Ways To Release And Prevent Resentment In Any Relationship

If you’re not careful, resentment can build in any relationship. Over time, resentment can grow and lead to bitterness which makes it impossible to maintain a healthy relationship. Practice strategies that will allow you to prevent and release resentment before it builds up. Here are 8 ways to release and prevent resentment in any relationship.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings, Even if They’re Negative

Feelings aren’t bad, even if they’re negative. What you choose to do with those feelings is what makes the difference. It’s normal to feel angry, disappointed, embarrassed, and hurt.

When you experience painful emotions, label them and acknowledge them. Trying to ignore them or stuff them won’t make them go away. Instead, they can build up over time and lead to resentment.

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2. Speak Up When Your Feelings are Hurt

When someone hurts your feelings or has unrealistic expectations for you, be willing to speak up. Holding in small hurts over time and can cause anger and resentment to build. Wait until your calm and use “I” messages to express your feelings.

3. Create a List of Reasons Why Holding a Grudge Won’t Help

Holding onto a grudge about something in the past is likely to hurt you more than the other person. If you harbor anger, resentment, and even hatred toward someone else, it can impact other areas of your life negatively.

Create a list of the reasons why holding a grudge isn’t helpful. Seeing it on paper can help you see the ways that harboring resentment can impact your life.

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4. Create a List of Reasons Why Forgiveness Can be Helpful

Be willing to consider forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean you need to excuse the other person’s behavior or that you’ll forget what happened. However, it can be about letting go of all those feelings that you are holding on to.

Create a list of the reasons why forgiveness could be helpful to your life. Look at what positive things could happen if you let go of those negative emotions that have been building up.

5. Avoid Complaining to Other People

If you’re feeling angry with someone, avoid talking to everyone else about it. Sharing your anger with others over and over again is likely to fuel your anger and frustration. Don’t get others involved or expect others to take sides. Instead, talk directly with the person that you’re angry with to address the problem in a direct manner.

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6. Try to Look at the Issue from the Other Person’s Point of View

Try to establish some empathy for the other person. Imagine what that person might have been thinking and feeling when your feelings were hurt.

Looking at the situation from the other person’s point of view can help you develop compassion. Don’t assume the other person had evil intentions but instead, recognize that the person could have had good intentions.

7. Accept that People Aren’t Perfect

Prevent resentment by accepting that no one is perfect. People who care about you and love you will hurt your feelings sometimes. Other people can’t meet your needs all the time.

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It’s unrealistic to expect that people will always behave in a way that is pleasing to you. Everyone makes choices in life and there will be times when you don’t like the choices someone else makes.

8. Say No When You Don’t Want to Do Something

If you behave like a martyr by always saying yes to everything, you’ll likely feel taken advantage of quickly. Saying no to things you don’t want to do is one of the best ways to prevent resentment.

Whether you say no to your sister asking you to babysit or you decline an invitation to dinner from a friend, if you don’t want to do it and you can’t do it with a cheerful attitude, consider saying no.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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