Advertising
Advertising

8 Simple Strategies to Bully Proof Your Kids

8 Simple Strategies to Bully Proof Your Kids

Bullying is an epidemic. No matter how well you raise your kids or where you live, there are cliques in every school and—depending on where they fit into the school hierarchy—your child can become the victim of bullying.

People have a natural tendency to crave power, and when grouped up they can do some very mean things. It’s not always black and white though. Whoever is bullying your child may not even realize they’re a bully; they could be playing pranks meant to be funny (and they are to them and their circle of friends) without stopping to think about the way the pranks are perceived by their victims. Our media-saturated society glorifies stunts like those pulled by the Jackass crew and a variety of web pranksters, and in the search for art kids can do some mean things to other kids.

As a parent, you’re the best guide your child has. If you don’t teach them how to deal with different people and social situations, they’ll learn on their own by either emulating what they see in the media or following the advice of those around them. Set the standard and bully proof your kids by getting involved in their lives and teaching them how to deal with complicated social situations. Here are eight simple strategies:

Advertising

1. Start Early

Talk to your kids about what happened to them during the day and how those things made them feel. This simple practice helps them understand their own feelings, building empathy for themselves and others. The earlier you establish open dialog with your kids, the more willing they are to open up to you later on, even if it’s to tell you things you don’t want to hear.

2. Teach Self-Defense

Getting in fights is unfortunately a normal part of schoolyard life. While it would be great if everyone learned to talk out their differences, it’s not always possible. The reality is that life is harsh, and everyone faces violence at some time. If you want your kid to walk with confidence, teach them how to defend themselves in case bullies become physical. There are martial arts dojos everywhere, and you can also find boxing and MMA gyms that will train children.

3. Build Mutual Trust

You have to be consistent with your child; you’re setting the standard for their perception of normal. If you regularly break promises to your kid (even little ones), they lose trust in you. You have to lay down the law sometimes, but when you’re a tyrant, your kid learns not to go to you. By the same measure, if you’re not open and honest about who you are and what you’ve been through, they may think you’re too square to understand.

Advertising

4. Show Compassion

You’re likely responsible for the way your child acts. Do you bully your kids, or do you involve them in family decisions and value their contributions? When someone wrongs you, how do you handle it? You set the example for your kid, so lead by example and show compassion in your own dealings. If your child sees you blow up at everyone who doesn’t do exactly what you want, they’ll see that as the way to respond. When you bully them, the bullying at school may end up feeling like it’s normal. Be the person you want your child to be; be the person they see you as.

5. Listen Carefully

Your kids may tell you that their stomach hurts, they don’t want to go to school or someone in their class is bugging them—these can all be signs of bullying. Make sure you’re truly involved in your child’s life (without violating their privacy), and listen to the verbal cues they give. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and scrutinize everything.

6. Be Their Ally

Always believe your children, but check things out for yourself. Be sure to get all the details before jumping to conclusions, but regardless of fault, always take your child’s side. There’s a good chance your child may be the bully. The difference is often difficult to tell, and you don’t want to add to the bullying on either side.

Advertising

7. Think Logically

When I was in school, everyone had a reputation or ran with a clique of some type. Decide where your child fits in that picture, and figure out a way to navigate through everything. If teachers are involved in “bullying” your child, there can be a huge issue with the school, your child, or the community. If you live in Utah, for example, and your child is gay, it may be in your best interest to move somewhere else.

8. Resolve As a Team

You’re an adult, and you’re the leader in the house. Involving yourself in your child’s problems can range from a pep talk to a side-by-side tag team, depending on the situation. There may be legal issues involved, and you never know what people will put on the internet these days. However you choose to resolve the issue, make it the responsibility of the entire family so your child doesn’t feel isolated at home after a long day of being bullied.

Bullying gets complicated, and there’s no one way to deal with it. Standing up to a bully looks great on TV, but in reality it can be a one-way ticket to Knockout-land (or something much worse). The bully may be much larger, or it could be a huge group of people. You don’t want to set your child up to be ganged up on.

Advertising

By acting responsibly yourself, maintaining open communication with your child, and working together, you’ll help bully proof your child, and with any luck, they’ll be strong enough to set the example for others around them.

More by this author

7 Ways To Make Exercise Fun For Everyone Say Goodbye to a Skinny Body: How to Gain Weight Fast 24 Easy Ways To Make Money On The Internet What 500 Calories Really Looks Like in Different Foods 20 Awesome Screensavers that Make your Desktop Delightful

Trending in Communication

1 11 Facts About Volunteering That Will Surely Impress You 2 I Hate My Wife – Why a Husband Would Resent His Spouse 3 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 4 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 5 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next