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Moving On Takes Time But You Can Do It Faster Than Others

Moving On Takes Time But You Can Do It Faster Than Others

When you’re suffering through a painful breakup, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever find another partner — much less, want one! There’s a cliche that it takes one week to get over each month of a relationship, but who has that much time to dwell on the past?

Getting over a breakup is hard because it suddenly shakes our future.

When we start to be committed to a relationship, we have expectation on each other. Maybe we want to spend the rest of our life with the partner, or maybe we’re planning about something we can do together in the future. Everything in the future is all about “us”, everything in “our” future is positive.

But when the relationship ends suddenly, the commitment and the promises are broken. Our future becomes uncertain all of a sudden. There is also a strong emotional fallout. We are forced to give up something we used to believe in so strongly. And we are forced to give up something we treasure most.

This is a large-scale mental revision, and this is confusing and for sure, very difficult.

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But moving on is necessary because getting stuck at a difficult stage blocks out our future opportunities.

The end of a relationship is not the end of life. No matter who initiate the breakup, it means something is not working in the relationship. Most of the time, it’s not about who’s not good enough, it’s about whether the couple is suitable for each other.

If we’re stuck with the “what if’s” and “how comes” continuously, we’re never going to move on. If we let ourselves dwell in the past, we’re neglecting what we can do to be happier now and in the future.

There is still way to go for our lives, there’ll be so many more people we will encounter, and so many more things to experience. Getting stuck in a difficult stage is a really bad thing for our future.

I know getting over a breakup is difficult, I’ve been through plenty of painful breakups too. But these tips will get you the way on how to get over a breakup fast and move on soon.

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1. Accept the end of the relationship.

Avoid second-guessing yourself once you end the relationship. Even if you did not end it, don’t start wondering what you did wrong. Relationships end for good reasons. One of you wasn’t happy or getting what you wanted.

Accept that the relationship is over, and now, you have a fresh start to do it right next time.

2. Give yourself some time to get over it bit by bit.

You’re not in the relationship anymore, but you don’t have to get over it right away. If you push yourself too hard to get over your ex, you might do more harm than good. Everything takes time to heal, and bad relationships are no different.

Take time to go to bed early and sleep in late, or stay in on a Saturday night eating ice cream.

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3. Replace your hatred and anger with gratitude.

Regardless of what happened to end your relationship, don’t hold a grudge. Everyone makes mistakes, and when emotions are high, people will get hurt. Don’t hate your ex forever and tell everyone that he or she is a bad person. Don’t let your ex have that kind of hold over you anymore. Let those negative feelings go and be thankful for the lessons you have learned instead. Embrace the possibilities of future love and happiness.

4. Realize who you want to be and find yourself again.

It’s not uncommon to lose yourself in a relationship, where you can become a “we” instead of a “me.” A breakup means you have time to find yourself again. Spoil yourself: spend an hour in a bubble bath, watch a marathon of your favorite TV show, cook the favorite meal that your ex hated. This is the perfect time to analyze who you were before, who you were with your ex, and who you want to be in the future. You’re single and you’re healing from a breakup – it’s all about you!

5. Find your support circle and have more fun with your friends.

Just like you lose touch with yourself in a relationship, it’s easy to lose touch with your friends. Being part of a couple means you spend a lot of time with each other, and you might spend less time with your friends as you enjoy your partner more and more. Being single again means you can have quality time with your friends. Don’t spend that time bad-mouthing your ex, or even talking about the relationship or the breakup. Spend time catching up and having fun together.

6. Rededicate yourself to your hobbies and passion.

Due to spending so much time with your ex, your hobbies may have fallen to the wayside. You may have exchanged reading a book in bed at night for pillow talk. Did you stop making jewelry to sit on the couch and watch your ex’s favorite movies? Use this time to rediscover your hobbies and become more in tune with the person you once were.

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7. Work out to take your mind off the negativity.

Nothing takes your mind off problems more than working out. (Even if it is because you spend every step of your run chanting, “I hate exercise, I hate exercise.”) Go for a run when you get home from work each afternoon. Join a gym and hit it up each morning before work. As an added bonus, if you join a gym, you’re going to get your body into shape, while increasing your chances of meeting someone new (when you’re ready)!

8. Recognize your self worth: you’re always amazing and you deserve real love.

This is the most important tip of all. Your relationship may have ended, but you’re not a failure because of that. Everyone has stories of failed relationships, and everyone gets past them. Just remember that you’re an amazing, interesting person. One relationship might not have worked out, but there are many other people out there just waiting to meet you. Get excited by the possibilities!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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