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8 Reasons Why Your Worst Enemy Is Yourself

8 Reasons Why Your Worst Enemy Is Yourself

We all experience those moments of self-loathing, unrelenting frustration that stems from our own hands. We also seem to hit a wall every now and then, question the road that we’re on and maybe have a quarter and/or middle life crisis. It’s not entirely inexplicable.

Indecision, self-doubt, lack of confidence or motivation are all byproducts of our inner villain. We don’t need to demonstrate a Dexter-complex to know that we can be the number one cause of our own failures and downfalls. Fortunately, there’s a solution: we just have to be aware of this monster inside of us, understand its gameplan and overpower its demoralizing voice.

So, what do you need to know? Listed below are 8 reasons why you, of all people, are your number one worst enemy, along with how you can overcome, well, yourself.

1. You Don’t Manage Your Expectations

There’s an ambitious, starry-eyed voice that guides you. Even louder may be a voice of complete impracticality and unrealistic hope. Don’t get them confused.

It’s good to expect a lot of yourself, great to forecast good things coming your way. However, if you walk into every situation with an expectation to gain the most out of it, you’re going to almost always come out of it feeling unfulfilled. If you set ridiculous goals for yourself – say, you’re going to sign up for that gym membership and commit to a workout every second day after work – you’ll either burn yourself out and crash or let go of the commitment and experience some measure of having failed yourself.

This becomes especially dangerous when you mismanage expectations that are outside the sphere of your control. Expecting others to act a certain way, expecting your boss to reward you in the near future or your favorite sports team to win the championship – you have little to no control over these matters and will experience devastation if things don’t work out your way – all due to the mismanagement of your expectations.

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Make sure that you set realistic goals for yourself – don’t bite off more than you can chew. Understand that you don’t control things outside of your own sphere. Look towards, but don’t expect, that next raise or promotion. Be realistic. If we expect to get everything, we’ll be left feeling unfulfilled; if we don’t expect much, we’ll be left feeling content with what we’ve gained.

2. You Fail to Appreciate the Small Things

We don’t have much time on this little blue rock that’s hurdling through the universe, but that’s no excuse to rush through life and only focus on the big things that seem to matter. You want a car, a house, a good job, a loving husband or wife, two kids and a dog. Or cat. That’s all fine, but in the pursuit of these goals we fail to take a second and appreciate the smaller things around us. The aroma rising from a cup of coffee in the morning, the cool breeze that follows a rainfall on the hottest day of the summer, the peculiarity of a cloud. Even the small things you do and achieve on a daily basis matter.

One of the fundamental goals in everyone’s life is to have a pleasurable time here. When you begin to appreciate every little thing before your eyes, on a day to day basis, you’ll undoubtedly feel enriched. The trick is to keep up with it, as concerns or problems will always bog down our mind and distract your attention.

This becomes especially important in the context of our own success. If we fail to appreciate the small things that we accomplish, we’ll begin to lose a sense of self-respect. If you’re constantly worried about landing that new job, not realizing that you’ve learned to become a master of living on a tight budget in the meantime, then you’re overlooking something that can provide you with a feeling of self-respect. If you find yourself having to bike to work because you need a new car, appreciate the benefits towards your health. It requires a degree of optimism, but taking into account all the good things you do on a small scale helps build your confidence, motivation, and self-respect.

3. You Take Too Much For Granted

Similar to the point made above, this quality of your inner enemy is by far the most pervasive. Every now and again we’ll donate to a charity and count our own blessings, or witness someone close to us experience a tragedy that will result in our own feeling of gratitude for not having to go through what they’re going through. Why aren’t we doing this every day?

If you’re reading this then you’re somewhere with an internet connection, likely with a roof over your head and some time to spare. When was the last time you stopped to truly appreciate your circumstances? And why should we even bother?

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When you don’t take things for granted, you simply squeeze more out of life. We always hear, ‘kids in Africa…’ but do we really take time to stop and think of how privileged we may be in the midst of all our complaining? Whether it’s our health, our abilities, the love from friends and family, our hobbies, our freedom from outright tyranny or war-like conditions – we all have something that we can be truly grateful for.

4. You are Your Own Worst Critic

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good be a strict judge of your own character. The problem arises when you take it too far. When you constantly criticize and find faults with what you do and who you are, you’ll never reach a necessary level of satisfaction to be truly content with yourself.

If you tend to judge yourself too much, you effectively hold yourself back; if you sell yourself short, you’ll never experience the full value of your potential. Get to know this voice that criticizes you, try to understand where it comes from and why it is that you listen to it. Don’t beat yourself up over every mistake – after all, experience through mistakes is a perfectly sound method of learning. Constantly over-criticizing yourself will hold you back, hamper your confidence, and make you dwell on things that may not even matter.

5. You Over-Analyze

Another characteristic of human nature – we over-think absolutely everything. We can go around in circles, contemplating solutions that aren’t necessary, relying on assumptions that are ultimately false. There’s a struggle between our mind and our instinct, our brain and our heart. We come up with an initial answer to a problem, then over-complicate the matter and do a complete 180. But, it’s good to think things through, is it not?

While it is important to think carefully about certain matters, over-thinking them can prove detrimental. For instance, if your next job interview leaves you with a bad feeling (say, you know that your boss would be a real pain to work under), and you instinctively say no, your rationality may eventually override the decision and lead you to take the position because of the other benefits that surround its acquisition. Before you know it, you’re stuck in a miserable circumstance for eight hours a day, later realizing that it’s not worth those benefits.

To avoid unnecesary over-thinking? Trust in your instincts, break problems down and don’t put too much emphasis on idealizing all the potential implications of every decision when a simple pro/con list may suffice. Ensure that you’re not basing decisions upon misled or faulty assumptions – our mind will mistakenly fill in certain blanks to ascertain a desirable answer.

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6. You Prefer the Easy Way

When life gives us lemons, why should we bother to make lemonade when we can just go out and buy it? Short cuts are a way of life, and though they may be a necessary time saver, they detract from our sense of working towards something – earning it.

Working towards something affixes a certain meaning to it, develops your sense of appreciation and contributes to the great sense of accomplishment at the end of the road. Your inner enemy holds you back; if you never go the extra mile, you’ll never experience the extra rewards that may come as a result. You can’t expect full results while using only half the effort. It’s in our nature to avoid inconveniences, but oftentimes they’re called for.

Next time you have to go well out of your way to complete a task or help someone, just do it. Ignore the lazy voice in your head and agree to take the hard way once in a while. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.

7. You Assume

Projecting certain assumptions onto certain situations can be disastrous. Our brain works to fill in the gaps however it can, forming answers on faulty presumptions if necessary. If you assume your spouse is mad at you for something you may have done, it’ll lead you towards developing a defensive stance or counter-attacking when no concern may even be warranted. Don’t assume that someone may be mad because XYZ happened when you’re unaware of ABC. We make this mistake countless times, all because we subconsciously fill in the blanks with answers that are incorrect.

To prevent this, you have to understand your train of thought. Don’t place your own standards on others, moral or otherwise, as everyone is different and thinks a different way. Rely on valid facts, not just assumptions, before deciding on a particular course of action. Understand that you may not know the full story behind everything you’re involved in. Many times, we must rely on nothing but an assumption – just don’t invest too much into the outcome when you’re dealing with unknown circumstances.

8. You Doubt Yourself

The cliche piece of advice that every parent gives you. And for good reason. Self-doubt is, in itself, unwarranted. If you’ve failed at something and ultimately doubt that you can do it, it’ll only prevent you from progressing. Oftentimes, self-doubt may just be an unwillingness to do something.

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There’s a difference between self-doubt and low expectations. Low expectations may lead to a sense of pragmatism, whereas self-doubt may force you to neglect your potential; the former doesn’t hamper your effort whilst the latter certainly does.

Under no circumstances should you ever doubt yourself. When it comes to your potential, realize that the sky is the limit. Use your sense of realism to evaluate the consequences of your action – don’t just pessimistically assume that your action will have unfavourable consequences. Take this time-tested piece of cliche advice into consideration.

All in all, just be aware of your inner enemy. Understand the ways that it tries to hold you back and lead you the wrong way. Constant awareness will shine a light on everything.

“The unseen enemy is always the most fearsome.”  – George R. R. Martin

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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