“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.”
Relationships can meaningful, enjoyable, and absolutely loving. They can also be destructive, unpleasant, and hateful. Romantic relationships are often the most impactful and profound accords you will engage in. They are often the cause of much joy and/or pain.
Whether or not you experience a blissful romantic relationship or a torrid one, they are challenging. It is often difficult for people to adjust to sharing their life with someone else. As humans, we seek to obtain romantic partnerships during our lives, but we have the tendency of coming into conflict with one another.
Some romantic relationships are able to overcome this conflict and continue to flourish for long periods of time. Others are unable to last. Often couples are simply not right for each other for one reason or another. People change, and amidst this change, romantic partnerships become increasingly difficult to maintain.
But why do so many romantic relationships fail? It is not necessarily unfavorable when relationships end. Often they end for a very good reason and both parties are better off because they gained new perspective from the experience.
Despite the benefits that result from a broken relationship, most people would agree breakups are quite difficult and painful. So how do you build for your next relationship or how do you strengthen the current relationship you are in? What are the pitfalls of romantic relationships that cause unnecessary strife and misery?
1. Unrealistic Expectations for Yourself
You have to look yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. In spite of your desire to believe otherwise, you are not a relationship superman or superwoman. You have to have realistic expectations for yourself throughout the relationship, just as you have for all aspects of your life.Advertising
The more pressure you put on yourself to be the “perfect” partner, the more likely you are going to come up short. Trying too hard is only going to put strain on you, your partner, and the relationship. A healthy relationship will flow naturally, expectations will be realistic, and the connection is not forced.
If you are in a relationship, and you notice yourself trying so hard to make everything just right for your partner, but at the end of the day you still don’t feel worthy enough or you feel your partner doesn’t find you worthy enough, you are setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.
I’m not suggesting you don’t make an effort to be a wonderful partner, but there are limits to what you can do in the relationship. Understand those limits for yourself and simply enjoy being with your partner. You can only make yourself happy in the relationship—no one else.
2. Unrealistic Expectations for Your Partner
Don’t have unrealistic expectations for your partner. You expect that your partner is going to respect you, care for you, love you, and not hurt you. These are realistic expectations anyone who is in a romantic relationship doesn’t even think about because they are straightforward. There might be more expectations you can add to this list, but this list shouldn’t be excessively long.
Often people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. They expect their partner to make them happy or they expect their partner to be a personal servant. These are examples of unrealistic expectations that can be detrimental to any relationship, especially a romantic relationship.
If you embark into a relationship with gaudy expectations for your partner, prepare to be disappointed. Unless your partner is so in love with you that he or she is blinded, the chances of this kind of relationship lasting and being fulfilling for both people, are very slim.
3. The Need to Be Right
Let go of the need to be right. This one simple change will bring you much more satisfaction in your personal life. It is especially important for the foundation of a strong relationship.
When you are in a romantic relationship you are going to experience conflict and disagreements. You are going to know when you are right and you are going to know when you are wrong. If you and your partner both surrender the need to be right, there will be less arguing and more resolving of problematic situations because you are both looking out for what is best for the relationship—not what is best for the individual.Advertising
Just because you let go of the need to be right doesn’t make you a pushover or a weak human being. You will know when to stand up for yourself and speak your mind on important issues. Letting go of the need to be right suggests that you are comfortable with yourself and your partner, and you have complete respect for the relationship.
4. Jealousy and Other Fear-Based Emotions
Jealousy, anger, fear, insecurity, unhappiness, selfishness, control destroy romantic relationships. When you are jealous you don’t trust your partner. If you don’t trust your partner, than how are you supposed to build a long-lasting relationship together?
Jealousy can come in many forms, but it is rooted in fear: fear that your partner is going to cheat on you; fear that your partner doesn’t love you enough; fear that your partner is going to leave you; fear that you aren’t good enough for your partner.
Quite often these fears are self-created. Your mind plays out scenarios and you believe them. Perhaps you were hurt or wronged in past relationships so you decide to carry fear based emotions into your next relationship. Especially when there is no basis for the fear than you are setting yourself up for failure.
If you have sound reason to believe your partner is cheating on you or mistreating you in some way than speak with your partner or end the relationship. It is not worth putting yourself through emotional hell by being jealous and afraid.
A romantic relationship is a partnership. In order for a partnership to work and be successful both sides have to be willing to share with one another. Both sides have to be willing to be selfless to the other person.
Many romantic relationships fail because people are too selfish. Being selfish is not beneficial for anyone much less someone in a relationship. Selfish people are generally viewed as difficult, and often they isolate themselves from others. People don’t want to be around people who only take but never give.
It is important to keep yourself in check when you are in a relationship. Ask yourself what you can do for your partner today to help him or her. Hopefully serving your partner in this way is pleasurable for you.Advertising
I think people sometimes develop the misconception that being in a relationship means you abdicate your freedom or independence. I disagree with this because I think it is constructive for partners to be independent people while also maintaining their relationship status. Partners don’t have to be attached at the hip.
Being independent in a relationship doesn’t make you selfish. Independent people are comfortable on their own, but also relish spending time with their partners. Selfish people use their partners for their own personal gain or profit, as they do most people they encounter in life.
6. Defensive Attitude
Has your partner ever asked you to do something, for example, help more around the house and you immediately go on the defensive? You refute your partner’s claims that you aren’t helping enough by describing examples of all those times you were helpful. Instead of listening to what your partner is saying you create stories in your mind that your partner doesn’t appreciate you.
I have been there and done that. I was the best defender in my past relationships because I couldn’t put my ego aside, and listen to what my partner was saying. Instead of trying to understand what she wanted, and discovering how I could be more helpful in the relationship, I shifted into defensive mode. Many people do this in romantic relationships because they interpret a criticism from their partner as an insult and a personal attack.
There is a tendency for partners to take each other too seriously. Conflict is created when partners take what each other says and does very personally. Taking things personally from your partner, someone whom loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you, is quite frankly, toxic for a relationship. You will know when words and actions from your partner are harmful, and require you to respond in a stern manner. Until that moment try to let the minute stuff go.
It is noxious in any relationship to hold grudges. Don’t hold grudges with your romantic partner unless you want to experience loads and loads of negative emotion.
Your partner is going to make mistakes. He or she might get agitated with you or say something that you don’t agree with. Learning to forgive and forget will strengthen your relationship. It will build a foundation that will give you the tools to conquer any adversity that confronts your relationship.
If your partner does something truly destructive that you are unable to overcome then perhaps ending the relationship is best for the both of you. Even in these instances forgiveness is the best medicine for you to move on.Advertising
Grudges are wasted energy in a relationship. It takes more physical, mental, and emotional energy to hold onto a grudge than forgiving your partner and releasing the pent up anger. As I said previously, your partner is not trying to hurt you so try your best to move on.
8. Conditional Love
Conditional love implies there are fulfillments required from your partner in order for him or her to receive your love. This is a recipe for an unhappy and unloving relationship.
Love your partner freely because you enjoy loving him or her. Don’t love your partner with expectations that he or she does something for you. This will lead to destructive behaviors and consistent arguing.
Unconditional love is the key to making a romantic relationships blossom. Love your partner despite his or her flaws because no one is perfect. This begins with acceptance of your partner no matter what. If you can’t accept your partner, you can’t love your partner unconditionally. Love your partner for no reason at all just as you love yourself and be grateful he or she is in your life.
Enjoy your romantic relationship. Being in love is one of the great experiences of life so give yourself and your partner a chance to savor this experience. Let go of the very controllable pitfalls that obstruct long lasting and joyful relationships. Resolve issues in the relationship together as a team. Don’t hold onto negative emotions, rather communicate openly with your partner. Love and be loved!
Featured photo credit: Happy Young Couple in Winter Park having fun.Family Outdoors. love via shutterstock.com
Last Updated on April 23, 2019
13 Ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently
Let me begin by being 100% frank with you – everyone is capable of happiness.
Happiness is first a choice but it also takes persistence to maintain. Happiness is our birth right and my mission is to help as many people as I can live their happiest life.
My mission is to spread the message that everyone deserves happiness.
To live a happy life; however, you must do the work, gain the necessary knowledge, and increase your awareness.
You must fully embody this state and begin to think and feel happiness on every level of your being.
Often times, excuses present themselves and our mind gives us the reasons why we can’t be happy:
“I am too busy right now to focus on happiness”
“I will be happy when I finish school, when I have the money, when I am in the right relationship, when I have kids, when my children are older….”
“I would have had a happy life if this traumatic event had never happened”
“I don’t deserve happiness”
EVERYONE deserves happiness. The reason that you are here right now is because you have a purpose and you are on the earth to enjoy your journey.
Think BIGGER than your excuses. Push FARTHER than your complaints.
Don’t be pulled away from greatness. Get uncomfortable. At least these are what happy and successful people do on a daily basis.
This article highlights the top 13 tips and tricks of how happy people think and feel.
If you would like to begin embodying this life-changing state, then… Here are the 13 ways Happy People Think and Feel Differently:
1. Happy People Put Happiness First
Happy people have made the decision that their end goal is happiness.
Every situation, event, bad day ultimately ends with happiness.
To them, happiness is equivalent to sleep and water – it is a necessity to their life. To live an unhappy life is to have never lived at all.
The happy person asks,
“What would be the point of living if every day and moment were filled with negativity?”
“Why would I deplete my energy on negativity when I expend less to be positive?”
They make happy-based decisions which means in EVERY MOMENT they choose happiness.
If their circumstances can’t change then they instead change their perspective, they look for the silver lining in the negative.
Happy people don’t let negativity steal their moments away – a positive mindset always prevails.
If you ask a happy person how their day was, they will always answer your question with a highlight or a lesson learned.
2. Happy People Embrace Pain
I know what you are thinking –
“No one is ALWAYS happy”
“Even happy people get in bad moods”
These statements are absolutely accurate.
Happy people aren’t always happy and they DO get into bad moods. They get overwhelmed, they feel defeated, and their feelings get hurt.
Happy people aren’t invincible and they feel pain just like everyone else. The only difference between happy people and people who let negativity run their lives is that…
Happy people quickly acknowledge their pain and they make a decision to find a way to transform their pain into something greater. They also use these 13 simple ways to shake off the sadness.
Happy people admit the negativity they feel and they do what it takes to get back into their natural state: happiness.
When your end goal is happiness, then you will find a way to achieve it no matter how much strength you have to muster.
3. Happy People Have a Happy Self-Image
We all have an image in our minds that we subconsciously live up to.
The reason that change is so hard is because our subconscious mind is programmed to live by how we define ourselves.
How are you currently defining yourself?
For happy people, they see themselves with a smile, positive outlook, and/or a bounce in their step. When an event or situation arises that brings in a negative emotion, they quickly change their state to resemble their natural self-image.
When happy people are in a bad mood, it feels unusual to them because feeling negative isn’t aligned with how they see themselves.
When they feel upset, they acknowledge the negativity and look for a solution to bring their emotions to the level of how they perceive themselves.
Look at how you define yourself today – your mind and body are always trying to live up to the definition it is taught to believe.
Your body’s job is to keep you in a “normal” state because this is where it feels most comfortable.
If your self-image is happy, then your mind and body will naturally be brought back to where it feels at home. Your actions will be a clue to how you define yourself.
4. Happy People Have a Strong Support System
The happiest people know that it takes a village and they lean on others for support.
Happy people feel comfortable reaching out for help when they feel that their resistances are overpowering them. They quickly sense their negativity and they tell somebody.
Happy people ask for assistance when they can’t figure out a problem. Seeking help takes strength and it never gets in the way of their self-worth. Happy people appreciate the wisdom that their support system provides.
They have strong connections with the people who are close to them. They never trudge through tough times alone because jeopardizing their happiness for too long would be detrimental to their well-being.
5. Happy People Safeguard Their Minds from Negative Triggers
Warding off negativity is almost impossible when we live in a society that lives by what went wrong and feeds off of what could go wrong. News travels instantaneously so it would be unrealistic to shut this out of your life completely.
However, one strategy that happy people use to safeguard their minds is regulating their environment.
We have a lot of control on how we allow our environments to affect us. We can control our social media feed, the television shows and movies we watch, the books that we read, the people that we spend our time with, and the places that we hang out.
If happiness is your end goal, then take a good look at what is bringing you down. What triggers your unhappiness? See if there is anything in your environment that can be changed……
What we listen to, read, and who we hang out with influence our mind, what we think about, what we worry about, our reactions, and behaviors.
Happy people know what triggers a feeling of negativity and it feels out of alignment for them so they do what it takes to avoid it.
They might regulate their social media news feed to reflect the information that brings them positive energy. They might regulate the people that they spend their time with. It is important to hang out with like-minded people.
What are you triggers? How can you avoid the negativity in your environment?
These are ways that happy people regulate their environment and safeguard their minds.
6. Happy People Know When to Say “No”
Happy people know when to sit one out and say “no.” They do this to protect their happiness and well-being.
Life gets overwhelming – a lot of people need our attention and the to do list can seem never ending.
Happy people give themselves permission to take the day off and they feel comfortable with saying “no” when their stress levels begin to climb. They understand that those around them aren’t benefiting from someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, and tired.
A happy person identifies their negative emotion and then they quickly treat it to bring themselves back to their “normal” state, so that they can be at their best for not only themselves but for those around them, too.
A simple “no” can ultimately mean many more “yes’s” in the future because happiness has a long battery life. You can take a look at Leo Babauta’s article The Gentle Art of Saying No and learn to say no.
7. Happy People Are Good Evaluators
Happy people can quickly sense when something is off with themselves or others. They are very intuitive to happiness levels. When someone isn’t quite right, they are the first ones to notice.
Being able to evaluate happiness means that you can identify when negativity is lingering around for too long.
We all have bad days; however, the happy person evaluates often and quickly intervenes.
In other words, happy people frequently evaluate their state and immediately change when their pessimism is overshadowing their joy.
8. Happy People Bring Other People Up
What goes on inside of us is mirrored into our physical world.
What we think about literally consumes our life and is displayed in our work, relationships, and attitude.
Happy people naturally feel good inside and about themselves so they treat others the way that they treat themselves. It never feels forced to give a compliment or to help out a stranger.
When we are truly happy with ourselves, everyone around us has a better experience. Happy people are kind to themselves and because of this, it feels natural to them to want to make others’ happy, too.
9. Happy People Go After Their Dreams
Happy people are always following the joyful path. They make happy-based decisions and because of this, they always end up where they want to be.
It’s absolutely impossible to be happy by following an undesirable path, which is quite opposite for unhappy people.
Most people journey through life on a path they think they are “supposed” to be own. Warning signs (negativity) are often ignored because they truly believe that these feelings are a normal part of life.
Negativity is NOT normal.
The happiest people investigate the negativity in their life and quickly analyze the results. This process allows them to get back on the joyful path which ends in a desirable outcome.
Follow your happiness and your dreams will come true (If that isn’t motivation then I don’t know what is!)
In addition to happiness, here are 14 amazing things that happen when you live your passion.
10. Happy People Never Sweat the Small Stuff
The only expectation that the happy person has is that they remain in a joyful state.
They rarely have expectations for the events and people in their lives because they know that this is a sure way to get let down.
The happiest people take life as it comes – you could say that they roll with the punches. When you don’t have expectations, thenyoue can just sit back and watch how beautifully life unfolds.
Happy people understand that bad things are inevitable, they are a part of life – The car will break, the kids will make mistakes, people will be late, and dinner will burn.
If it’s not anything seriously affecting their lives, then they don’t give their energy to it.
11. Happy People Rarely Have to Prove That They Are Right
Happy people remember that it’s more important to live up to what they believe. When you live your life aligned with your belief system, then there is no need to explain or prove yourself to others.
Differences in opinions are inevitable, but the happiest of people know it’s wasted energy to defend their position.
It is more effective to simply show people, through actions, how you think, feel, and what you believe.
Energy is saved, arguments are diminished, and credibility/respect are gained when we live by what we believe.
12. Happy People Smile (Even When They Don’t Want To)
Smiling is one of the healthiest things we can do; and happy people use this simple trick quite often.
It has been proven that smiling has the ability to boost your immune system, decrease stress levels, and can even make you look younger. The benefits of smiling have even been backed up by science.
Better yet, smiling is contagious. When you engage in a quick smile, you are likely to brighten someone else’s day along with your own. It is no wonder why happy people smile often!
13. Happy People Live Life in the Present Moment.
When we are genuinely happy, we are living for the moment.
Happy people let go of the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. They take the moments for what they are worth – they only invest their energy in what feels right to them.
Everyone is capable of living a happy-centered life. You deserve a life that you desire – your dream life. All you have to start doing is make happy-based decisions TODAY.
In every moment, decide on what makes you happy – decide on what gets you excited. Stop doing what you don’t love, don’t listen to the people that you dislike.
If you are engaging in something that isn’t bringing you joy, then quit doing it. Listen to your heart, stop ignoring the warning signs (negativity) because they are there for a reason.
I have observed, studied, and interviewed some of the happiest and most successful people along with some of the most miserable and self-loathing.
It starts with one decision – happiness.
The happiest, most successful people choose happiness with EACH and EVERY decision. And you can start doing this today.
More Articles About Pursuing Happiness
- How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up
- 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time
- How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy
- How to Be Happy Again: 13 Simple Ways to Shake off Sadness Now
Featured photo credit: Autumn Goodman via unsplash.com
|||^||Harvard Business Review: The Science Behind the Smile|