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7 Signs You Should Move On From Your Relationship

7 Signs You Should Move On From Your Relationship

Can you salvage anything from the wreckage, you ask yourself? Is it really time to move on? These are all tricky questions to answer. One of the biggest problems is that we become so attached to routine we cannot envisage even moving out of familiar territory and into unexplored lands. Here are 7 signs you might want to consider before making the big decision to give up on a relationship and move on.

1. The joy is gone

If you find that the joy has disappeared, there must be a reason. Every relationship cannot be euphoric all the time, but there should be plenty of contentment and laughter. If you find that you are suffering or that your potential to be happy is continually thwarted because of your partner’s actions and words, then it may be time to think this through. If you are often resentful or weepy, there are cracks in your relationship which may be beyond repair.

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“Sexiness wears thin after a while, and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward

2. You are replaying too many conversations

You know the scenario. You go over and over again in your mind and listen to all those replays! You know the ones where you lost it and shouted or the ones where you were perfectly reasonable and calm. This is a sure sign that shame and regret have crept into the relationship and are becoming leading actors.

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3. You are no longer a team

It is a bad sign if you get the feeling that you are making all the effort while your partner has opted out. Actually, being in a well-functioning team of two is essential for any relationship to thrive. When you realize that you are the one who is going the extra mile, resentment begins to seep through the cracks. You rightly feel that it should not be all one-way traffic.You are the one who is always punctual, patient, understanding and helpful. How come?

4. Your partner tries to please others, but not you

He or she goes out of their way to be generous and patient with other people. It is when you realize that you do not get a fraction of that attention and loving care that you begin to wonder why you are in this relationship at all. Your contact with him or her is becoming sporadic. When you start hearing excuses about work commitments and other engagements, it may be a sign of distancing before the actual break up.

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5. Small skirmishes turn into a full-scale war

Remember those times when your tics and fads were always a bit of a joke and you both tolerated them? When these little issues turn into major drama and end in fights all the time, it may be a sign that you should be thinking of moving on. Before you know it, you find that even the little things like the way you dress and how you look are becoming war zones. Why is this now an issue? You seem to spend more and more time recovering from the bombs dropped by the drones. What is the hidden agenda?

6. Trust has been eroded

When a relationship is flourishing, love, security, and peace are the fruits of complete trust. If the trust has been eroded or damaged in any way, fear and suspicion take over. Perhaps the trust has been irrevocably damaged because of infidelity, hurt, or separation. This may occur when lying takes over or honesty is questioned. Being completely transparent in any relationship is the foundation stone. Once that is altered, the building starts to shake.

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“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” – Stephen Covey

7. The relationship has turned toxic

We all avoid toxic environments, food, and people. There is a very good reason for this, as these things are harmful to our health. When a relationship turns toxic, it drains you of all the energy and joy of living. You are derided and mocked. You certainly do not feel that you can act in a relaxed and carefree way when you are in their company. There is far too much walking on eggshells. The worst part of a toxic relationship is when you feel trapped by your partner’s judgements and never feel supported.

These are the 7 signs that you are not reaching your full potential for happiness in a relationship which is holding you back and suffocating you. It may well be time to move on.

Featured photo credit: No matter what happens in life … if you will learn to let it go and move forward, then your past doesn’t have to poison your future /BK via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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