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7 Reasons Why Some Relationships Don’t Work

7 Reasons Why Some Relationships Don’t Work

Is your relationship making you unhappy? If you feel content and positive, it is likely you are in a happy and healthy relationship. However, sometimes relationships can turn sour and you can be left with no idea what to do, or who to turn to.

Here’re seven reasons why some relationships just don’t work.

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1. They have a relationship checklist.

While it is important to learn what you like and dislike in a relationship, a great relationship is based in the heart rather than the mind. Creating a list of qualities a partner must have leads to high expectations and demands, and often takes away a lot of surprise and fun. Believe in your intuition and get rid of the list.

2. They are overly critical to each other.

Honesty is important in a relationship, but being with someone who is extremely critical can lower your self-esteem and make you feel depressed. Critical behaviour includes insulting your weight, height, appearance, friends, style or job, while making you feel worthless. Ask yourself: are these comments honest, or unnecessary?

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3. They don’t deal with jealousy.

Relationships should be supportive and loving. However, jealousy can often rear its ugly head in relationships. Some of the main warning signs are: acting irrationally angry when the other person receives good news, such as making a new friend or finding a job, demanding to know personal or private information, being angry if their partner talks to the opposite sex, or irrationally accusing them of lying or cheating.

4. They think that honesty is not important.

Telling a white lie won’t end a relationship, but dishonesty about important issues shows a lack of respect for your partner’s feelings. Continued dishonestly leads to mistrust, upset and anger, so it is important to be open during difficult times. In a strong relationship, you should be able to say yes to both of these questions: do I trust my partner to be honest? Can my partner expect the same of me?

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5. They blame each other unfairly.

Blaming someone constantly and without reason is emotional abuse, and often the person being blamed starts to believe they are in the wrong, making them feel guilty and upset for not thinking themselves “good enough.” It is important (and emotionally mature) to take responsibility for our own actions, and to treat the person you are in a relationship with respectfully.

6. They are emotionally immature.

Relationship maturity doesn’t come with age; it is a willingness to work at a relationship, accept blame, and compromise. Beware of starting a relationship with someone who gets angry over nothing. At the beginning of a relationship, most people try their hardest to avoid fights, so be aware of how they behave in certain situations, or how they treat other people. Sometimes emotionally immature people are willing to learn how to mature and grow, but be careful, pushing or forcing someone to change is also immature.

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7. They just want to control each other.

Being in a relationship with someone who is controlling is often emotionally exhausting. Trying to please a controlling person is difficult, as they often want you to live life by their rules, not your own, which can leave you feeling unfulfilled. Watch out for these signs: they tell you how to dress or act, they check your phone or emails, they show up at your home without being invited and they may go through your belongings without permission.

What else can stop relationships from working? Comment with your ideas below!

Featured photo credit: Young Couple Man and Woman Hugging in Love Romantic Outdoor with forest nature on background Fashion trendy style via shutterstock.com

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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