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6 Tips To Combat Shame That Will Inspire Your Self-Esteem

6 Tips To Combat Shame That Will Inspire Your Self-Esteem

Life is so hard; shame is so evident. Can we really combat shame? We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and night in us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us – that we are bad, flawed, and not good enough – and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs – Brene Brown Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness; we will discover the infinite power of light. Here are the tips to combat shame that inspire your self-esteem:

Accepting yourself as you are

As Carl Jung said – “I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”  Nobody is perfect; after all we are human beings. Accepting yourself as you are is the primary requisite to combat shame. We can’t let ourselves be seen if we are terrified by what people might think. Nothing is going to work unless you do the work. So take the decision to love yourself with all your imperfections.

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If others hurt you, the reason may not be always you

Most of us commonly attribute others’ rejection as a hallmark to validate ourselves. Just stop that. You are officially a prisoner of “pleasing, performing and perfecting.” Sometimes it’s just what you do not who you are. I’ve spent many sleepless nights thinking over fitting myself according to others expectations. Once I realized the fact, my heart is at ease.

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Express but don’t defend

Sometimes we may hurt others too. Let us not be arrogant and stupid – that may erode our relationships and enhance our shame further. In that case, the best tool is, “Express but don’t defend”. If you feel, you have done a mistake; just express your feelings but never ever defend. If you start defending, you give an impression that your feelings are not valid. Be proud by not defending your feelings. Usually inner strength is respected; we get back what we put out.

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Let go of need for approval

You are not here to please others; you just have to please yourself to live truly. Look at people in your life as “practice”. The way they react allows you to see what has to work on within yourself. Through them you can practice to let inappropriate reactions go off and develop more responsible ways of behaving. Instead of getting approval, if you practice the above said principle – you can miraculously improve your social relations with your needs keeping integrity intact.

Practice vulnerability

There is always a truth in paradox. You may think that being vulnerable is letting others to give the power to shame us. But the truth is vulnerability is the best antidote to shame. When we are vulnerable, we indirectly inspire others to be vulnerable too. Vulnerability is life’s great bravery. Inculcate it; embrace it to combat shame effectively.

Seek out empathy

The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives. Whenever you come across shame, just share with whom you trust; it relieves you to the core. Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event of circumstance. It conveys a simple acknowledgement, “You are not alone”. Before concluding, just remember these words from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling – You are not a bad person. You are a very good person who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We have all got both light bad dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.    

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

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Last Updated on June 3, 2020

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

19 Definitions Of Success You Should Never Ignore

What is success?

Is it wealth? Is it happiness? Is it fame?

The late Zig Ziglar was one of the most respected modern day experts on success, motivation, and leading a balanced life. In his book Born to Win!, he argues that success cannot be defined in one sentence, but instead it is comprised of many things. One could argue that the definition depends on the individual and that one size does not fit all[1].

Here are 19 different definitions of success. Not all of these will resonate with you, but chances are at least a few of them will. Use these or find inspiration here to create your own definition of success that can be applied to your unique life.

1. Success is always doing your best.

Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.

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2. Success is properly setting concrete goals.

Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.

3. Success is having a place to call home.

Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.

4. Success is understanding the difference between need and want.

If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.

5. Success is believing you can.

If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.

6. Success is remembering to balance work with passion.

Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great. However, even if you aren’t, you can balance your formal job with hobbies or volunteer work you’re passionate about.

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7. Success is taking care of your needs.

Remember to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Self-care is essential if you want to have any meaningful impact on the world around you.

8. Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no.

Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.

9. Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance.

Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.

10. Success is understanding you cannot keep what you don’t give away.

You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.

11. Success is overcoming fear.

Conquering a fear makes you feel invincible. Even if it’s confronting just one small fear each week, that is certainly something to feel proud of. The bigger fears will take more time, but any work you do to overcome fear will lead to success.

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12. Success is learning something new each day.

Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.

13. Success is learning that losing a few battles can help you win a war.

Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.

14. Success is loving and being loved back.

Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.

15. Success is standing your ground when you believe in something.

Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.

16. Success is not giving up.

Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.

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17. Success is celebrating small victories.

Anytime a goal is reached or an obstacle is overcome, take time to celebrate, even if it’s something small. All goals require smaller objectives to be achieved first, so each time you complete one, take time to appreciate the work you put into it.

18. Success is never letting a disability hold you back.

Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.

19. Success is understanding that you control your destiny.

Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.

The Bottom Line

Success can be defined in many ways. If you are experiencing happiness, love, or adventure in this moment, you’ve already found success. Keep it up.

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Featured photo credit: Dino Reichmuth via unsplash.com

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