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6 Tips To Combat Shame That Will Inspire Your Self-Esteem

6 Tips To Combat Shame That Will Inspire Your Self-Esteem

Life is so hard; shame is so evident. Can we really combat shame? We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and night in us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us – that we are bad, flawed, and not good enough – and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs – Brene Brown Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness; we will discover the infinite power of light. Here are the tips to combat shame that inspire your self-esteem:

Accepting yourself as you are

As Carl Jung said – “I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”  Nobody is perfect; after all we are human beings. Accepting yourself as you are is the primary requisite to combat shame. We can’t let ourselves be seen if we are terrified by what people might think. Nothing is going to work unless you do the work. So take the decision to love yourself with all your imperfections.

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If others hurt you, the reason may not be always you

Most of us commonly attribute others’ rejection as a hallmark to validate ourselves. Just stop that. You are officially a prisoner of “pleasing, performing and perfecting.” Sometimes it’s just what you do not who you are. I’ve spent many sleepless nights thinking over fitting myself according to others expectations. Once I realized the fact, my heart is at ease.

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Express but don’t defend

Sometimes we may hurt others too. Let us not be arrogant and stupid – that may erode our relationships and enhance our shame further. In that case, the best tool is, “Express but don’t defend”. If you feel, you have done a mistake; just express your feelings but never ever defend. If you start defending, you give an impression that your feelings are not valid. Be proud by not defending your feelings. Usually inner strength is respected; we get back what we put out.

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Let go of need for approval

You are not here to please others; you just have to please yourself to live truly. Look at people in your life as “practice”. The way they react allows you to see what has to work on within yourself. Through them you can practice to let inappropriate reactions go off and develop more responsible ways of behaving. Instead of getting approval, if you practice the above said principle – you can miraculously improve your social relations with your needs keeping integrity intact.

Practice vulnerability

There is always a truth in paradox. You may think that being vulnerable is letting others to give the power to shame us. But the truth is vulnerability is the best antidote to shame. When we are vulnerable, we indirectly inspire others to be vulnerable too. Vulnerability is life’s great bravery. Inculcate it; embrace it to combat shame effectively.

Seek out empathy

The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives. Whenever you come across shame, just share with whom you trust; it relieves you to the core. Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event of circumstance. It conveys a simple acknowledgement, “You are not alone”. Before concluding, just remember these words from Harry Potter by J. K. Rowling – You are not a bad person. You are a very good person who bad things have happened to. Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We have all got both light bad dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.    

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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