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50 Things Most 20-Somethings Should Stop Doing Now

50 Things Most 20-Somethings Should Stop Doing Now

Be honest. Are you living your dream yet? Is this the way you wanted your life to be?

You were sure by now you’d be living In Menlo Park working for Facebook, making enough money to buy whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. You were sure you wouldn’t be sleeping with two dogs and empty sushi containers. Where is that special someone who’s supposed to be beside you? What is going on? Why is this happening?

If you can handle it (and I hope and pray that you’re ready), here are 50 mistakes that you should stop making right now if you want to turn your dreams into reality.

1. Living in Denial.

It’s time to grow up and face reality.

2. Avoiding a trip into the real you.

Don’t be afraid to take a good look in the mirror. It’s not as bad as you think. If you look beyond the surface, you will see an awesome side of yourself that you’ve never seen before.

3. Lying to yourself and others.

Admit it — admit everything. Let it all go. If things aren’t working out for you, something needs to change right now.

4. Being untrue to your unique self.

To thine own self be true. Take an honest self-inventory. It’s all the only way you will find your hidden talents, gifts, and abilities.

5. Saying “I want it.”

Ask yourself if you really want it or if you just want to want it. Sometimes you think you want something, but it’s just something your mother, girlfriend or boyfriend thinks you should be getting or doing.

6. Thinking you have to love everything you do.

I’m sorry to tell you, but the hard reality of life is that you have to do things you don’t love, and sometimes you have to do things you hate. How do you think Kevin Durant got good at his game? Do you think he loved every minute he practiced shooting hoops?

7. Making excuses.

You’re right, there are many reasons you shouldn’t change; but how long do you want to go on like this?

8. Avoiding debt.

Ignoring debt collectors does not make them go away. Debt accumulates. Start chipping away at your pile of bills by making small monthly payments.

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9. Complaining

If you stop complaining, you’ll be able to see that you’ve got a lot to be thankful for. If you flip the switch on your negative outlook, you will begin to see the good things in your life. Complaining people are not happy people.

10. Over-sharing your life on Instagram.

The world does not need to see everything you eat or every time you get in your car. Dignify yourself. Share the good stuff.

11. Putting your drinking pictures on Facebook.

Even though your boss isn’t your Facebook “friend,” she might be friends with your friends and know the real reason you called in sick to work. Be careful what you make public. Think about who might see what you post.

12. Saying “it’s too hard.”

This is a sabotage statement. The more you say it, the less you will accomplish. Try saying, “it’s going to be hard, but I’m going to push my way through the rough spots.”

13. Being a victim.

“Poor me” doesn’t cut it anymore. Take action to change your perspective. This will change your life.

14. Doubting your abilities. 

Develop a new “I can handle this” attitude. You’ll be surprised when you find talents you didn’t know you had.

15. Calling your mother with every little problem you have.

Be resourceful. Google it. All the answers you need are there; if not, you are smart enough to figure it out. Save the big drama for your mama. You can manage the small stuff.

16. Texting everything.

Once in awhile, pick up the phone and let someone hear the sweet sound of your voice.

17. Thinking you’re not good enough.

You are capable of so much more. Think of the times when your strengths and talents shined. Everyone has them. Find yours.

18. Blaming your parents.

Yes, they made mistakes, but they did the best they knew how at the time. They were 20-somethings once, and also made mistakes.

19. Living week-to-week financially.

Get off your butt and find a second job. If you want to stay home all day, then start a money-making blog or online business. The internet is a goldmine open to everyone.

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20. Being lazy.

Get out of bed and shut off the TV. Work harder. You can never tell where your passion might be hiding. A job at the local bistro could inspire you to go to France for cooking school. One day, you can have a business of your own.

21. Buying things you can’t afford.

Budgeting is a helpful skill that will stabilize you for the rest of your life. Ask yourself, “do I really need this? Can I afford this right now?”

22. Drinking during the week.

Parties are for weekends. Curb your alcohol appetite. It might be interfering with your ability to wake up on time the next morning.

23. Sticking out your tongue when you take a picture.

Unless you are licking a lollipop at Disneyland, keep your tongue in your mouth. It’s not your best look.

24. Saying “I don’t care.”

You really do care — you just don’t want to get upset if things don’t work out for you.

25. Avoiding reality.

How long can you keep hiding from it? Bills need to be paid. Jobs need to be found. (Unless you’re willing to live without water, electricity or a cell phone.)

26. I can’t go back to school — I have no money.

This is one thing your parents will be happy to help you with. If they say no, bartend.

27. Taking in another animal.

Do you really have the money to take care of another pet? It needs shots, flea medicine and grooming. Can you afford that?

28. Eating out every night.

It’s expensive and fattening. Learn to cook. It’s fun, and homemade food is much healthier than smothered cheeseburgers and beer. Invite your friends over for dinner.

29. Saying “I’m bored.”

Learn a new language. Go to they gym. Ride your bike.

30. Watching a full season of Game of Thrones and Dr. Who.

Sure, they’re awesome — but break it up into segments.

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31. Asking your parents for money.

If you don’t have enough, earn more.

32. Remembering your past failures.

We’ve all got them. Mistakes are the best teachers.

33. Thinking if you get knocked down you won’t get back up.

You are resilient. You’re a survivor. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

34. Being afraid.

FEAR= False expectations appearing real. Fear is not reality; it’s all in your head.

35. Making excuses.

Develop a no more excuses frame of mind. Your dog ate your homework when you were in fifth grade, but the time has come to accept responsibility and speak the truth.

36. Quitting everything you start.

Fight through the yuck. When times get tough, just get tougher.

37. Procrastinating.

The pressure of procrastination does help you get things done, but it’s also stressing you out. Be prepared.

38. Gaming.

Games are programmed so that you become addicted to them.

39. Saying “I don’t feel like it.”

That worked when you were five, but it doesn’t work anymore.

40. Squashing your dreams.

Make them real. Envision them, then go after them.

41. Feeling overwhelmed.

Little baby steps get you to your goal. Seeing how high a mountain is, can definitely keep you from climbing it.

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42. Expressing every emotion you feel. 

Chill out. Breathe in and slow down before the words come flying out of your mouth. Think before you speak.

43. Being narcissistic.

Everything isn’t about you. Think of others.

44. Eating unhealthy foods.

You’ll be shocked at how great you’ll feel afterwards. You won’t run to the bathroom or fall asleep.

45. Making excuses for not going to the gym.

You are tired. Your friends call you to go out. You just want to hang on the couch and space out. Getting to the gym is the hard part, but it’s so worth it when you can easily zip up your tight jeans.

46. Comparing yourself to others.

There are people better than you. There are also people whose lives are much worse than yours. Check out thebadassproject.com if you want to compare yourself to someone.

47. Blaming your genetics.

Ok, so maybe your father was an alcoholic — that doesn’t mean you have to be one. It means you have to stay on guard. You cannot drink. Have a coke, and no one will know the difference. Who cares if they do?

48. Worrying about what other people think.

Do you really know what other people are thinking? Own your choices. Listen to your inner voice. If it’s wrong? Oh well, you are now smarter and stronger.

49. Living in the past.

It’s over, done. What happened happened, and you can’t change it.  Learn from it and then throw it in the trash.

50. Believing this is who you are.

It’s not. These are simply bad habits that you’ve gotten used to. Replace them with good habits.

Stop these mistakes, and you will be as awesome as your mother thinks you are.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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