Advertising
Advertising

5 Ways To Make You Closer To Your Family

5 Ways To Make You Closer To Your Family

Family love is one of the most valuable gifts in life and one that you cannot buy anywhere. A good family accepts you inside and out, no matter how you look or what you do. Think about a time when you were broke and your family helped you get back on your feet, a time when you were down and they cheered you up, and when you were sick and you found relief in the arms of your loved ones. Your life is probably full of such small and big happenings that you could be grateful for.

Everyone needs such support in life.

Just as a happy and harmonizing family life can be a good support in almost all aspects of life, a sour relationship can be painful.

Whether you have a good relationship with your family, or not, depends on you: as always “two hands are needed to clap.” So if you find your relationship with your family is broken, consider the kind of thoughts and emotions you were sending out to them all this while. Give someone love and he or she will bloom!

It is always possible to mend a broken relationship; and it is better now than never. So start to work on your relationships before it becomes too late! Here are five ways to become closer to your family:

1. Increase Your Love

You’ve probably heard the song lyrics, “A house is not a home, when there’s no one there to hold!”

What changes a house into a home is, in fact, love; true love. A true love is not selfish and does not take revenge if it does not receive love in return. True love gives without expectation.

Advertising

“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Love strengthens the connection, while anger tears it apart.

With love also comes sacrifice. In a close relationship there will definitely be a lot of arguments, disharmony and disagreements. You cannot expect family life to be always be “peace, love and harmony.” As the connection gets closer, frictions get more pronounced!

Think realistically. No one is perfect. No matter how sweet and wonderful a person is, there will always be shortcomings. Roses always come with thorns!

If you accept the fact that everyone is bound to make mistakes, it will be easier to accept and love your family as they are.

“In marriage you love a lot and forgive a lot. Love is the lubricant!” – Master Choa Kok Sui

2. Give Freedom

It doesn’t matter if you are a mother, a father, a husband or a wife, whatever position you have in a family, you need to give freedom to the other members of it.

Advertising

No one likes to be ruled all the time. Freedom is one of the most basic needs of humanity and one of the greatest gifts in life. Growth is basically the result of having freedom, while too much control brings, anger, frustration and disappointment.

Work on your trust. With trust comes freedom.

“Friendship—my definition—is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.” – Stieg Larsson

With trust comes openness.

Over-possessiveness happens when we are afraid that by giving enough freedom, the person will leave or will commit a mistake. In fact, over-controlling often chases people away. It also obstructs the talents and passions of the other person, preventing them from blooming. If you are a parent, you need to give enough freedom to your children to allow them to follow their dreams.

Although giving freedom is not guaranteed to keep a partner or keep a child from committing a mistake, it is necessary to build a good foundation for a respectful family relationship.

3. Learn to Forgive

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” – Martin Luther King

Advertising

“Inner Forgiveness is therapeutic. If you do not Forgive, you cannot be Internally Healed. Forgiving heals the soul!” – Master Choa Kok Sui

In every relationship, forgiveness is one of the most fundamental factors that affects the state and durability of a relationship. Forgiveness is not a matter of who is right or who is wrong, it is a matter of doing the right thing!

Although you are one family, there will always be differences in personalities and preferences between family members, and because of these differences, disagreements happen. Therefore, it’s not wise to react straight away, to jump to conclusions and start an argument. When disagreements happen, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and first try to look at the situation from his or her point of view. This gives you a better understanding and the ability to forgive more easily.

Then give time for the situation to calm down before you talk about your views and potential solutions to problems. Remember that in the midst of an emotional outburst or an argument, your explanation won’t work. Wait for the right time.

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future.” – Bernard Meltzer

Forgiveness not only helps you improve the status of your relationship, but also keeps you from boiling away inside. In a relationship problems happen, and problems are a means of helping us get stronger and more compassionate. If you keep on thinking about the problems and unpleasant events of your life, you prevent yourself from having a better future. Forgive, forget and learn the lesson!

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Advertising

4. Look For Solutions

Problems are a part of life. They come and go.

Family life is not a battlefield. Do not focus on problems, instead focus on the solutions.

Although we as adults are all expected to be responsible for our actions, it still feels safer and more comfortable for some to put the blame on others. This is one of the major problems that can seriously affect a family as no one likes to be blamed all the time. After all, problems happen to make us grow and this comes about by learning from our mistakes.

Stop the blame game, be responsible for your actions and look for resolution. This is one of the fastest ways to bring you closer to your family.

5. Count Every Moment

One of the most clichéd problems in family life is the taking of loved ones for granted. As we always have our family around no matter how we act, we tend to neglect them sometimes. The minute we realize their value, it is often already too late.

Don’t fall into this trap!

“In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” – Bertrand Russell

In order to keep love and harmony active among our family, it is highly important to show that we care. Spending quality time with family members is one of the factors that can nourish and strengthen our family connections. Try to have fun on a regular basis. Go out together, talk, play, laugh and have fun.

Every moment matters! Make the best out of it before its too late!

More by this author

10 Things You Haven’t Tried For Productive Time Management 5 Ways To Make You Closer To Your Family

Trending in Communication

1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

Advertising

2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

Advertising

Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

Advertising

12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

Read Next