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5 Ways To Make You Closer To Your Family

5 Ways To Make You Closer To Your Family

Family love is one of the most valuable gifts in life and one that you cannot buy anywhere. A good family accepts you inside and out, no matter how you look or what you do. Think about a time when you were broke and your family helped you get back on your feet, a time when you were down and they cheered you up, and when you were sick and you found relief in the arms of your loved ones. Your life is probably full of such small and big happenings that you could be grateful for.

Everyone needs such support in life.

Just as a happy and harmonizing family life can be a good support in almost all aspects of life, a sour relationship can be painful.

Whether you have a good relationship with your family, or not, depends on you: as always “two hands are needed to clap.” So if you find your relationship with your family is broken, consider the kind of thoughts and emotions you were sending out to them all this while. Give someone love and he or she will bloom!

It is always possible to mend a broken relationship; and it is better now than never. So start to work on your relationships before it becomes too late! Here are five ways to become closer to your family:

1. Increase Your Love

You’ve probably heard the song lyrics, “A house is not a home, when there’s no one there to hold!”

What changes a house into a home is, in fact, love; true love. A true love is not selfish and does not take revenge if it does not receive love in return. True love gives without expectation.

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“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Love strengthens the connection, while anger tears it apart.

With love also comes sacrifice. In a close relationship there will definitely be a lot of arguments, disharmony and disagreements. You cannot expect family life to be always be “peace, love and harmony.” As the connection gets closer, frictions get more pronounced!

Think realistically. No one is perfect. No matter how sweet and wonderful a person is, there will always be shortcomings. Roses always come with thorns!

If you accept the fact that everyone is bound to make mistakes, it will be easier to accept and love your family as they are.

“In marriage you love a lot and forgive a lot. Love is the lubricant!” – Master Choa Kok Sui

2. Give Freedom

It doesn’t matter if you are a mother, a father, a husband or a wife, whatever position you have in a family, you need to give freedom to the other members of it.

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No one likes to be ruled all the time. Freedom is one of the most basic needs of humanity and one of the greatest gifts in life. Growth is basically the result of having freedom, while too much control brings, anger, frustration and disappointment.

Work on your trust. With trust comes freedom.

“Friendship—my definition—is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.” – Stieg Larsson

With trust comes openness.

Over-possessiveness happens when we are afraid that by giving enough freedom, the person will leave or will commit a mistake. In fact, over-controlling often chases people away. It also obstructs the talents and passions of the other person, preventing them from blooming. If you are a parent, you need to give enough freedom to your children to allow them to follow their dreams.

Although giving freedom is not guaranteed to keep a partner or keep a child from committing a mistake, it is necessary to build a good foundation for a respectful family relationship.

3. Learn to Forgive

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” – Martin Luther King

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“Inner Forgiveness is therapeutic. If you do not Forgive, you cannot be Internally Healed. Forgiving heals the soul!” – Master Choa Kok Sui

In every relationship, forgiveness is one of the most fundamental factors that affects the state and durability of a relationship. Forgiveness is not a matter of who is right or who is wrong, it is a matter of doing the right thing!

Although you are one family, there will always be differences in personalities and preferences between family members, and because of these differences, disagreements happen. Therefore, it’s not wise to react straight away, to jump to conclusions and start an argument. When disagreements happen, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and first try to look at the situation from his or her point of view. This gives you a better understanding and the ability to forgive more easily.

Then give time for the situation to calm down before you talk about your views and potential solutions to problems. Remember that in the midst of an emotional outburst or an argument, your explanation won’t work. Wait for the right time.

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future.” – Bernard Meltzer

Forgiveness not only helps you improve the status of your relationship, but also keeps you from boiling away inside. In a relationship problems happen, and problems are a means of helping us get stronger and more compassionate. If you keep on thinking about the problems and unpleasant events of your life, you prevent yourself from having a better future. Forgive, forget and learn the lesson!

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

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4. Look For Solutions

Problems are a part of life. They come and go.

Family life is not a battlefield. Do not focus on problems, instead focus on the solutions.

Although we as adults are all expected to be responsible for our actions, it still feels safer and more comfortable for some to put the blame on others. This is one of the major problems that can seriously affect a family as no one likes to be blamed all the time. After all, problems happen to make us grow and this comes about by learning from our mistakes.

Stop the blame game, be responsible for your actions and look for resolution. This is one of the fastest ways to bring you closer to your family.

5. Count Every Moment

One of the most clichéd problems in family life is the taking of loved ones for granted. As we always have our family around no matter how we act, we tend to neglect them sometimes. The minute we realize their value, it is often already too late.

Don’t fall into this trap!

“In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” – Bertrand Russell

In order to keep love and harmony active among our family, it is highly important to show that we care. Spending quality time with family members is one of the factors that can nourish and strengthen our family connections. Try to have fun on a regular basis. Go out together, talk, play, laugh and have fun.

Every moment matters! Make the best out of it before its too late!

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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