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5 Things Singles Should Do When Their Friends Get Into Relationships

5 Things Singles Should Do When Their Friends Get Into Relationships

When our closest friends enters into new relationships, the relationships we have with our friends also change, no matter how much we try to resist it. There are things we can do to help us navigate our way through the evolution of our friendships. Here are five things single people can do when our friends are getting into new relationships.

1. Recognize that changes to your friendship may be inevitable

When our friends enter into new relationships, they may disappear for weeks on end while in the throes of new romance, making us wonder if they’ve been lost in the Bermuda Triangle of love. Or, when we do see them, they talk incessantly about their new loves, leaving little room to mutually share and discuss the other beautiful intricacies of life. The one-on-one time spent with friends all of a sudden becomes three’s company, where we feel like the third wheel or the odd man out.

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These situations may lead to exasperation, as we wonder when our newly coupled friends will return to their normal selves. Yet, in many ways, it is normal for those in new relationships to change as they navigate through confused feelings of love, vulnerability, and obsession. Therefore, we must remember to be kind, compassionate, and patient with our friends who are in new relationships, trusting that our friendships will bounce back in due time.

2. Know when to be Switzerland—don’t get stuck in the middle of your friends’ relationships

How many of us have been in this situation: We are hanging out with our friend and her significant other. Everything is seems to be going well until the couple begin to engage in a harmless disagreement that quickly turns into World War III. Both are in the wrong, yet look to you to be the therapist, arbiter, and judge. If you side with one over the other, you risk losing impartiality and potentially trust.

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There are other situations that can lead to you getting stuck in the middle of a friend’s relationship. How often has a friend asked for your opinion about a significant other, only to have that opinion negatively affect your friend’s relationship, resulting in you being in the center of rifts that occur within the relationship? There may be times when we are called to become involved in our friends’ relationships, but we should also recognize when being neutral preserves our friendships and sanity.

3. Expand your friendship circle, hobbies, and interests

When your closest friend adds a plus-one to her life, you may find yourself going to happy hours, movies, and other social gatherings alone. Or, you realize that once-spontaneous hangouts give way to planned lunches and coffee dates. In those moments, you miss the Butch to your Sundance Kid, the Thelma to your Louise, the Bert to your Ernie. Yet, these moments also reveal the significance of finding and cultivating new friendships with those who share your interests and values.

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Discovering new hobbies can help us to uncover new experiences and people who can broaden our horizons, lessening the impact of a friend’s new relationship on our lives. This is not to say that we should discard our coupled-up friends in exchange for single ones, just that we should strive to continuously expand our circle of friends, interests, and hobbies.

4. Honor your single status

As our friends find love in new relationships, we may suffer from the grass-is-greener syndrome, where we vie to find a relationship of our own and forget the benefits of being single. Single status means more than not having to share a bed, compromise with someone else’s desires, or be involved with just one person. It also offers us opportunities to reflect on and explore who we are, in very authentic ways.

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That is not to say that self-exploration does not happen within the context of a relationship. Being single allows that journey to occur on our own terms and conditions.Yes, being “the single one” amongst newly coupled friends can sometimes be lonely, but it is important to honor your single status to take advantage of opportunities that allow for your own personal growth.

5. Don’t be afraid to engage your friends in honest conversations

Having honest conversations with others is one of the most difficult things to do because we allow ourselves to become vulnerable. However, keeping our feelings bottled up can damage our ability to be authentic with ourselves and others. When a friend enters a new relationship, you may feel out of place for sharing anything but feelings of joy and happiness, even if you also feel a sense of loss or abandonment.

Unexpressed, this may cause you to shut down rather than speak your truth, harming the friendship. Don’t be afraid to have honest conversations with your friends, because what you risk losing is too great.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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