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5 Things We Believe That Are Damaging Our Relationships

5 Things We Believe That Are Damaging Our Relationships

Often, our perception of what is going on in a relationship and what is actually happening are two different things. We have learned many myths concerning relationships through movies and Hollywood, but what about the reality of our everyday relationships and what they should look like? We need to recognize the relationship myths we believe and understand why they are not true in order to view our relationships through the correct lens.

1. I’m with the wrong partner if I doubt the relationship.

Often when a person doubts their partner, they automatically think that this means they are with the wrong person. This simply is not true, and is one of many myths we believe indicate that a relationship is in trouble. I would argue that in a healthy relationship, one should and will experience doubt from time to time. The only way a relationship can grow is if we challenge the person we are in relationship with, and this often comes via doubt or questioning one another (with a degree of tact). Through this process we gain ever increasing knowledge about one another, which can only strengthen the bond with your partner. Also, if by chance your doubts and questions lead you to any conclusions about suspicious or destructive behaviors in your partner, then the doubts served you well. Either way, doubting can be healthy when used appropriately, and can bolster a relationship.

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2. If I don’t have ‘butterflies’ when with my partner it must not be love.

In actuality, when the butterflies wear off but there is still a strong bond with your partner, then it is love. The initial feelings one gets when in a new relationship are feelings of infatuation, and cannot always be trusted. It is only once a relationship stands the test of time, through the storms and the ‘becoming one’ phase, that it can it truly be seen as love. Love isn’t always a feeling, but an understanding and an intimacy with your partner that proves there is a solid bond of communication and trust.

3. If I don’t miss my partner when away then it’s not love.

There is an old adage that says, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This isn’t always true and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them if you’re away from your partner and aren’t thinking of them every moment, or feeling that you miss them. Couples who have a strong bond and deep intimacy often do not have to think about or miss one another each time they are apart. This confidence in the relationship, in which each person has a true understanding of one another’s needs, proves that there is no need to miss one another to the degree that it becomes a yearning.

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There always needs to be a balance in this area. For example, there are couples in which one or the other person is insecure to the point that it may appear that they miss their partner while away, when it is really a matter of worry or mistrust. You cannot always trust your feelings, but you can trust the bond and confidence of your relationship in knowing that your partner doesn’t need to worry or think about you every second while you’re apart.

4. I should want to spend every moment with my partner.

In a healthy relationship, time apart and having your own hobbies can be a good thing. Feeling the need to spend every moment with someone can be off balance in regards to developing yourself as an individual. You will be a much happier person, and bring much more to the relationship, if you are a well-rounded person. This will mean having your own outlets that are self-constructive.

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5. Sex should always be great and I should always want it.

It seems that our culture has been sex saturated and misinformed. Sex will be good with your partner as long as the intimacy and communication are healthy. Sex within any relationship is only as good as the bond is strong between two people. To judge sex as either good or bad should be irrelevant. Sometimes it may seem to be less intense than other times, but should not always be a gauge for whether or not the relationship is in trouble. What you should be concerned about is the relationship as a whole. Then the sex that follows will always be good, no matter how long or intense it is. When a couple’s communication and intimacy wane, sex usually fails to be as fulfilling as it once was. This is not always the case, such as with those who have a physical disability and can no longer perform sexually, but in an otherwise healthy relationship, sex is usually healthy as well.

I hope you find these myth busters about relationships and feelings towards your partner enlightening and encouraging. Remember, its not about feeling the warm fuzzies all of the time, but about the journey you have with your partner and how you weather the storms in a healthy relationship.

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Featured photo credit: true love by MGDA via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on November 15, 2018

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

The Success Mindset

Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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How To Create a Success Mindset

People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

2. Look For The Successes

It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

3. Eliminate Negativity

You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

4. Create a Vision

Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

An Inspirational Story…

For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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