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5 Things We Believe That Are Damaging Our Relationships

5 Things We Believe That Are Damaging Our Relationships

Often, our perception of what is going on in a relationship and what is actually happening are two different things. We have learned many myths concerning relationships through movies and Hollywood, but what about the reality of our everyday relationships and what they should look like? We need to recognize the relationship myths we believe and understand why they are not true in order to view our relationships through the correct lens.

1. I’m with the wrong partner if I doubt the relationship.

Often when a person doubts their partner, they automatically think that this means they are with the wrong person. This simply is not true, and is one of many myths we believe indicate that a relationship is in trouble. I would argue that in a healthy relationship, one should and will experience doubt from time to time. The only way a relationship can grow is if we challenge the person we are in relationship with, and this often comes via doubt or questioning one another (with a degree of tact). Through this process we gain ever increasing knowledge about one another, which can only strengthen the bond with your partner. Also, if by chance your doubts and questions lead you to any conclusions about suspicious or destructive behaviors in your partner, then the doubts served you well. Either way, doubting can be healthy when used appropriately, and can bolster a relationship.

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2. If I don’t have ‘butterflies’ when with my partner it must not be love.

In actuality, when the butterflies wear off but there is still a strong bond with your partner, then it is love. The initial feelings one gets when in a new relationship are feelings of infatuation, and cannot always be trusted. It is only once a relationship stands the test of time, through the storms and the ‘becoming one’ phase, that it can it truly be seen as love. Love isn’t always a feeling, but an understanding and an intimacy with your partner that proves there is a solid bond of communication and trust.

3. If I don’t miss my partner when away then it’s not love.

There is an old adage that says, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This isn’t always true and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them if you’re away from your partner and aren’t thinking of them every moment, or feeling that you miss them. Couples who have a strong bond and deep intimacy often do not have to think about or miss one another each time they are apart. This confidence in the relationship, in which each person has a true understanding of one another’s needs, proves that there is no need to miss one another to the degree that it becomes a yearning.

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There always needs to be a balance in this area. For example, there are couples in which one or the other person is insecure to the point that it may appear that they miss their partner while away, when it is really a matter of worry or mistrust. You cannot always trust your feelings, but you can trust the bond and confidence of your relationship in knowing that your partner doesn’t need to worry or think about you every second while you’re apart.

4. I should want to spend every moment with my partner.

In a healthy relationship, time apart and having your own hobbies can be a good thing. Feeling the need to spend every moment with someone can be off balance in regards to developing yourself as an individual. You will be a much happier person, and bring much more to the relationship, if you are a well-rounded person. This will mean having your own outlets that are self-constructive.

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5. Sex should always be great and I should always want it.

It seems that our culture has been sex saturated and misinformed. Sex will be good with your partner as long as the intimacy and communication are healthy. Sex within any relationship is only as good as the bond is strong between two people. To judge sex as either good or bad should be irrelevant. Sometimes it may seem to be less intense than other times, but should not always be a gauge for whether or not the relationship is in trouble. What you should be concerned about is the relationship as a whole. Then the sex that follows will always be good, no matter how long or intense it is. When a couple’s communication and intimacy wane, sex usually fails to be as fulfilling as it once was. This is not always the case, such as with those who have a physical disability and can no longer perform sexually, but in an otherwise healthy relationship, sex is usually healthy as well.

I hope you find these myth busters about relationships and feelings towards your partner enlightening and encouraging. Remember, its not about feeling the warm fuzzies all of the time, but about the journey you have with your partner and how you weather the storms in a healthy relationship.

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Featured photo credit: true love by MGDA via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on March 25, 2020

How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

How to Crush Your Lack of Motivation and Always Stay Motivated

How many times have you not achieved your goals and let yourself down due to your lack of motivation? When you’re not wallowing in sadness and self-pity, you are too busy procrastinating till you can’t anymore and before you know it, you are part of vicious cycle of anxiety and stress.

Whether it’s losing weight or bringing your business to fruition – motivation is essential for growth and success in every sphere of our lives.

That said, it is not easy staying motivated. In order to constantly stay motivated, you need to take ownership of your life and consciously make efforts in that direction.

Well, it’s never too late to take matters in your hands and change the course of your life. Here are 11 effective ways to crush your lack of motivation and always stay motivated:

1. Write Your Goals

The power of writing goals down has always been underestimated. Why write when you can remember, right? Wrong.

Our thoughts are all over the place and the first step to achieve your goals is to organize your thoughts. So, write your goals down, however big or small they might be. Make them as specific as possible and assign deadlines to each of them.

As you write them down and revisit them regularly, they get further drilled in your head, taking you closer to your goals. Doing this small exercise helps you to remain focused, motivated and lets you track your progress with ease.

Start today – take to your laptop or a diary and get down to writing what you wish to achieve in life.

2. Beat Procrastination

Your lack of motivation and procrastination go hand in hand. Every time you procrastinate, your motivation levels take a greater hit. The only way to bring an end to this loop is to stop procrastinating.

Next time you find yourself putting off something for ‘later’, stop and assess the reasons behind it. Get to the root of the cause and eliminate it in order to overcome this poor habit of procrastinating which is sabotaging your life and mental health.

Take a look at this guide and learn how to beat procrastination:

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What Is Procrastination (And the Complete Guide to Stop Procrastinating)

When you finally overcome procrastination, you will realize the positive impact it has on your mood and motivation levels.

3. Celebrate Small Wins

In the quest to achieve the bigger goals in life, we often forget to celebrate the smaller wins along the way. An achievement is an achievement – be it big or small, it deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated.

Finished a project on time? Reward yourself. Managed to run on the treadmill for a good one hour? Pat yourself on the back. Found time to meditate? Celebrate it.

It is these small achievements that reinstate that we are on the right path and take us one step closer to the bigger goals.

So, get into the habit of recognizing and appreciating small wins. You will be surprised to see how this practice helps you stay motivated.

4. Practice Gratitude

It’s easier to whine about what we don’t have rather than counting our blessings. Isn’t it?

Making gratefulness a part of your life is a very important step to retain high motivational levels. It revitalizes our spirits and renews our enthusiasm for life.

So, how do you practice gratitude? For starters, keep a gratitude journal to jot down what you are grateful for, express your gratitude to people you love and spread positivity wherever you go. If you need some inspiration to be thankful for, here it is:

60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life

By doing so, you begin to focus more on what you have rather than what you don’t and that is a great start to stay motivated.

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5. Be Optimistic

Life is not always hunky dory. There will be bad days when things aren’t going in your favor, when you feel lost and all you want to do is give up.

At such times, instead of letting negativity take over your life, adopt an optimistic approach to life. Quit overthinking, ask the right questions and focus on finding solutions.

Yes, there will be hurdles along the way but if you hang on to positive affirmations and hopes, the journey will be a lot smoother. So, with every passing day, sow the seeds of positivity and you are sure to build a positive environment around you.

6. Don’t Dwell on the Past

A lot of times, our lack of motivation stems from the habit of dwelling on the past. This gives rise to fear and regrets, preventing us from making progress in the present day.

Dwelling on the past is nothing but a waste of time. Understand that the past is long gone, and you cannot do anything to change that.

What you can do is make your present day worthwhile. Instead of looking back and having regrets, learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.

So, the next time you find your mind wandering off to the past, be determined to change the way you think and consciously concentrate on living in the present. This guide can help you:

10 Simple Steps To Let Go Of The Past

7. Face your Fears

You can never find motivation where there is fear. Identify the fear that is pulling you back and tackle it.

If you don’t face your fear head on, you cannot expect to conquer it and renew your motivation.

Ask yourself: What is stopping you? What are you scared of?

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Once you accept your fear, you can work on an action plan and think of solutions to overcome it. This article will give you some effective tips on conquering your fears:

How to Overcome Your Irrational Fears (That Stop You from Succeeding)

Seek external help if required but don’t choose to turn a blind eye over your fears – it will only aggravate matters.

8. Visualize your Success

You must have heard the famous quote, ‘see it to believe it’. That is exactly what visualization is about.

One of the most effective self-motivation techniques, visualizing the process to your desired outcome helps you move in a positive direction and achieve your goal.

Close your eyes and focus all your energies on the minutest of details that will take you where you want to reach. Doing this exercise everyday inspires you to keep going and not lose hope. The vision of attaining success will drive you to do better while instilling belief and confidence.

9. Find Inspiration

Can’t seem to find inspiration inwards? Don’t panic. There are plenty of external sources to gain inspiration from.

From motivational books and quotes to speeches, films and apps – it is a good idea to take help from motivational material to rekindle your spirits and regain your motivation.

Everyone is wired differently. For instance, a self-help book might work for your friend, but it might do nothing to move you. So, find what inspires you and turn to it when you are in desperate need for motivation.

Finding inspiration externally fills you with hope and sometimes that is all you need.

10. Enjoy Downtime

You are clearly exhausted with all the running you’re doing in life. So much, that you don’t even have time to stop and think what’s causing you so much unhappiness. All you know is that you are lacking motivation and everyday seems to have become a struggle.

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Now, that’s certainly not how you should live the rest of your life.

You need to schedule downtime for yourself, relax and give your mind and body some rest. Take a vacation, indulge in hobbies, meet some friends, put your hair down and stop with all the overthinking. It is important to do things that make you happy in order to think clearly and stay motivated.

11. Meditate Regularly

Meditation lets you take control of your mind. It improves focus and concentration while helping you relax.

Whenever you have had a tough day or find your thoughts going places, the best way to calm yourself down is by closing your eyes and meditating. It helps you to remove all the unnecessary frills in life and keeps you on the right track.

Include meditation in your daily schedule and you are sure to see an improvement in your productivity and motivation.

The Bottom Line

Practicing these simple exercises isn’t the tough part, what’s tough is religiously doing them every day.

However, don’t expect to get rid of your lack of motivation overnight. There will still be days when you will be low on energy but by making these conscious efforts to stay motivated, you are sure to see a vast change in your perspective and your response to bad days.

So, start today and be committed to making a positive change in your life.

More Tips About Staying Motivated

Featured photo credit: Sonnie Hiles via unsplash.com

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