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5 Self-limiting Beliefs That Ruin Our Social Life

5 Self-limiting Beliefs That Ruin Our Social Life

Everybody has problems and issues but not everybody does something about them.

In fact, most people don’t even want to admit having them, not to mention defining them.

We live in a world where conventional wisdom dominates and being happy means being average. But that’s terribly wrong.

Actually most of the time we feel that something is just not right and things could be better. We have our strong moments and realizations when we are aware of our potential and the things we can do with our life. Unfortunately, that doesn’t last long.

The main problem is our self-limiting beliefs.

They define our thoughts, which define our actions. So for as long as we can remember, we’ve been living with the same results.

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These beliefs have no actual explanation, can’t be proved and are usually negative. They make us think that we can’t do certain things and that they are impossible, so there’s no point in even trying.

Some apply to our social life and define things like whether or not we will feel comfortable having conversations with strangers, find the right partner, impress others, have relationships that last, be loved, be respected, grab attention and so on.

Here, I’ll try to mention the ones that are a big part of our everyday life but that ruin our performance in front of people.

1. He/she won’t be interested in me.

You can never know that. And yet, we have all been thinking that way and as a result didn’t even approach people we like so many times. And, of course, missed a lot of opportunities because of that.
Who knows, maybe our soul mate was among them?

The thing is that people don’t think anything of us before we’ve approached them. They may have formed some vague impression but that means nothing. Even when you want to approach people you’ve known for years but feel that they won’t like you, so you don’t even talk to them, you’re wrong.

They never knew you at the first place so you can make a good impression for less than 5 minutes if you’re confident enough and have something interesting to say and show.

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2. Some people are just born extroverts and have great social skills.

No, they’ve simply become so.

Every skill in this world is learned and everyone is able to master it through practice.

Thinking that the sociable people you see all the time can engage anyone they meet in a unique conversation means that you also believe you can never be like them. And that thought itself is a strong limitation that prevents you from actually becoming more open and talking freely to others.

Until you eliminate it and substitute it for a positive one (like “It will take time but I can become more confident in myself and approach people and make them like me right away.”), you won’t make any progress.

3. I’m not ___ enough and that’s why he/she will never like me.

So wrong! That belief is what distinguishes the scared antisocial people who never leave their comfort zone from the ones who achieve anything they want, including the man/woman they like.

The empty space in that self-limiting belief can be filled with any word. You may think you’re not good-looking enough, not rich, fit, smart or experienced enough. Whatever it is that you believe, try to eliminate it and think that you are good enough instead.

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I know it’s not an easy thing to do but it’s absolutely possible. Only this little improvement will change the course of your life.

4. I’ll just be myself and the right person for me will eventually find me.

In “The Secret Code” – a great book about the art of seduction – the authors say:

“This (being yourself) only works if you know exactly who you are, what your strengths are, and how to convey them successfully. Most often, this statement is used as an excuse not to improve. What most of us present to the world isn’t necessarily our true self, it’s a combination of years of bad habits and fear-based behavior. Our real self lies buried underneath all the insecurities and inhibitions. So rather than just being yourself, focus on discovering and permanently bringing to the surface your best self.”

So you can’t just sit there, change nothing and wait for the right person to find you. You need to constantly work on yourself, to make small steps that will eventually turn you into a better version of yourself and will help you live the life you were meant to.

5. They’re talking bad about me.

That’s just an example and can stand for every time you think people are speaking ill of you, are looking at you, laughing at something you did, say or the way you look like.

Now that belief is ridiculous and yet one of the most common. I’ve felt it myself many times.

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But then I realized how funny it was. Because this makes us think that it’s all about us and people – even if we’ve never spoken to them – are talking about us. This means we feel so special that wherever we go, we grab the attention and all people around us stop the conversation they’re having and start talking about us. We’re also sure it’s a bad thing and as a result feel sad and depressed and our self-esteem decreases significantly.

Well, the truth is that 99% of the time we’re wrong. People are less interested in us that we think and making it all personal harms our own understanding of ourselves and ruins our social life.

We need to stop being so self-centered, stop taking things personally and realize that it’s not all about us.

Some of the times people may be actually talking about us, but who said it’s something negative. In the other cases, well, we can have their attention but will need to work on that a bit more than just showing up somewhere.

These are just a small part of all the self-limiting beliefs that pop up in our head all the time. It really affects our behavior and sometimes they’re the only reason we can’t talk freely to people and get out there and impress.

It’s a big step in our self-improvement but eliminating those thoughts will make us believe that we’re capable of much more and thus achieve it.

So go out more, communicate with people and engage in conversations as much as you can. You can never fail on that quest, you can just give up before you’ve shown them your good side.

Featured photo credit: I Can’t See You…/Peter via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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