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5 Qualities to Look for in a Guy Before Settling in a Relationship

5 Qualities to Look for in a Guy Before Settling in a Relationship

The bar is set high in our visually stimulating, Snapchatting, Tinder-swiping world. And because of that, we women have developed a reputation for being overly picky and uncommitted when it comes to the men we chose to tango with. The dating struggle truly is real.

But ladies, its time for us to be real. How many of us have written off a guy because of some foible (he over-references Star Wars) or a bad habit (like leaving the toilet seat up), when we didn’t even get a chance to see his quality? Little did you know that guy you dumped last week takes his grandma out for breakfast every Sunday,  he tutors high-school geometry for free, and even does standup comedy on the weekends. But man, leaving the toilet seat up was a deal-breaker!

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There are so many great men out there that have the qualities we really need, if only we can look past their quirks. From one imperfect and sometimes picky lady to another, these are qualities in a man you should really be looking for:

1. He is straightforward

He isn’t afraid to tell you “how it is”, and at first, this is a hard quality to come to terms with. We are so used to living in a passive-aggressive world where we shrug things off, or just say “It’s okay” and let the emotions fester. A straightforward and honest man wants to really know what’s wrong because he wants to help. Unfortunately with this comes “tough love”, because you are going to hear things that you really don’t want to here. But, in the long run its best to here it head on and deal with it.

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2. He can laugh at himself

Life is tough, and it’s even tougher if you take it too seriously. That’s why it’s important to have a co-pilot who isn’t afraid to laugh at himself when things go to hell. Why? Because fit hits the shan more often than not,  and would you rather be with Gordon Ramsay or Seth Rogen when you get in a fender bender on the way to your boyfriend’s promotion party?

3. He is generous with his time

It is a cliché, but we women like things—flowers, shoes, jewellery, chocolate. So when that Hallmark holiday rolls around we expect our man to give us these things and If he doesn’t deliver, he obviously doesn’t care about our relationship.

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This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Men who give their time rather than money are rarities. A man who will give you his attention is more precious than that Coach bag you’ve been coveting. Contrary to popular culture, being frugal with your money is important, because if you are going to be with someone for the long haul, you want to know you will be financially set. A man who values time and memories over material things is priceless.

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4. He is compassionate

One of the most powerful emotions is empathy, or the ability to comprehend and embrace someone else’s trials or jubilation. A man who can understand your sorrow but also take joy in your joy is beautiful. He always tries to put himself in other people’s shoes so he can see the world as it is, and do his best to move forth in a positive manner.

5. He learns from his mistakes

By default, we humans are all imperfect creatures and make more mistakes than we will ever admit. Given that, the best quality a man can possess is the ability to say “I was wrong” and to move forward to fix it. The greatest minds in the world and the most successful entrepreneurs have experienced failure and defeat, but instead of hiding from it, they openly embrace it. A good man will admit he is wrong, a great man will admit he is wrong and will become a better person because of it.

Featured photo credit: Affectionate young couple kissing via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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