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22 Things That Confident Women Don’t Do

22 Things That Confident Women Don’t Do

When you think of the most confident woman you know, like Malala Yousafzai, Oprah Winfrey, or even a Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift, what are these ladies have in common that allow them to approach life so fearlessly? They carry themselves with an air of success, grace, and determination. The energy change when they entered a room.They are memorable.

See how many of this list of pitfalls you avoid and how you measure up as a confident woman.

1. They don’t gossip.

Confident women don’t talk about other women, they talk about their dreams, plans and aspirations.

2. They don’t doubt themselves

You won’t hear them second-guess their decisions. Hesitation isn’t part of their process. They know what they are doing and why they are doing it at all time. They think their decisions through thoroughly but once they have decided, they have decided.

3. They don’t follow trends

Confident women are trend setters. They spend no time thinking about what is “in” and instead they make choices based on what they like. They are finely attuned to their own needs and preferences. And they are not afraid to ask for what they want.

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4. They never suppress feelings

When something is on their mind, you will know it. They tell it like it is. With confidence comes the ability to speak your mind in a way that others hear you.

5. They never compromise self-care

Confident women know that they need to take care of themselves. They value a healthy work/life balance and they take time to eat right, sleep well and to spend an occasional moment being pampered just because it feels good.

6. They never listen blindly

Confident women like to gather their own evidence and come to their own conclusion. They think outside-the-box, because if they don’t do their own fact-finding, they know they might not see the big picture.

7. They don’t try to please people

When a woman is self-assured, she does not need external approval. This allows them to be their true-selves and trust that people who like her, like her for who she truly is. She leads from her heart and has the inner-strength to handle opposition.

8. They don’t waste time on worrying.

Time is valuable so spending time on “what-if”, “should-have” or “could-have-been” is not useful to the confident woman. She knows that worry is like paying interest on a loan before you have been approved.

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9. They don’t have regret

They learn from the past and they recognize where they have made poor choices but there’s no regret. Being able to learn from the past rather than regret it oozes confident.

10. They aren’t afraid to get messy

Sure they know the value of a good first impression and they like to look good, but they don’t care if they are caught in a rainstorm or if they get sandy feet while walking on the beach. They find joy in the experience whether that is getting stuck in a downpour or falling in the pool.

11. They don’t see failures as defeats

In fact, they are the ones who can tell you how many times Henry Ford went bankrupt before he became successful (three!). They recognize that there are always bumps in the road on the path to success. The ease with which they recover allows them to keep moving forward in their determined fashion.

12. They don’t cave to peer pressure

This is largely due to the fact that they don’t feel peer pressure. Pressure is reserved for those who stress about what others think. And the confident woman just doesn’t.

13. They don’t make unconscious choices

Confident women are in touch with their purpose and they use this to intentionally guide their decisions. This dauntless way of living intentionally is part of what draws others to them.

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14. They don’t ignore their instincts

Even when all the facts seem to point one way, if their gut says the other, that is the way they go. They know that instinct is our strongest ally in decision making so they listen to it religiously.

15. They don’t glorify busy

Productive is different than busy. They get the job done, they just don’t feel overwhelmed as they are doing it.

16. They don’t take things personally

They understand that your opinion is about you, not about them. While they value your input, if you don’t agree with their choices, they still make them. And they still like you.

17. They don’t find silence uncomfortable

In fact, silence recharges them. They enjoy alone time where they can explore personal growth and take time to reenergize.

18. They don’t aspire to be popular

They value authenticity in others and only want friends whom they share a deep connection. They like challenging conversations and this doesn’t lead to popularity but they don’t care.

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19. They don’t need personal trainers

Or alarm clocks for that mater. They motivate themselves and are excited to get the jump on their day – no snooze buttons for them.

20. They don’t want fans they want supporters

They probably have 900 Facebook friends and a ton of followers on Instagram but what they value is the content of their newsfeed, not the numbers. Quality over quantity every time.

21. They don’t equate who they are with what they have

They know that stuff doesn’t define them so their choices in clothing and cars are based on what they like not on how they want to be perceived.

22. They don’t deny themselves

They realize that there is balance on everything. They might be on a health kick but they will gladly treat themselves to an occasional ice-cream. They like to get to the gym, but they know the world won’t end if they skip a work out.

Confident women don’t neeed anyone to like them. Which is probably why everyone does!

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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