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22 Things That Confident Women Don’t Do

22 Things That Confident Women Don’t Do

When you think of the most confident woman you know, like Malala Yousafzai, Oprah Winfrey, or even a Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift, what are these ladies have in common that allow them to approach life so fearlessly? They carry themselves with an air of success, grace, and determination. The energy change when they entered a room.They are memorable.

See how many of this list of pitfalls you avoid and how you measure up as a confident woman.

1. They don’t gossip.

Confident women don’t talk about other women, they talk about their dreams, plans and aspirations.

2. They don’t doubt themselves

You won’t hear them second-guess their decisions. Hesitation isn’t part of their process. They know what they are doing and why they are doing it at all time. They think their decisions through thoroughly but once they have decided, they have decided.

3. They don’t follow trends

Confident women are trend setters. They spend no time thinking about what is “in” and instead they make choices based on what they like. They are finely attuned to their own needs and preferences. And they are not afraid to ask for what they want.

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4. They never suppress feelings

When something is on their mind, you will know it. They tell it like it is. With confidence comes the ability to speak your mind in a way that others hear you.

5. They never compromise self-care

Confident women know that they need to take care of themselves. They value a healthy work/life balance and they take time to eat right, sleep well and to spend an occasional moment being pampered just because it feels good.

6. They never listen blindly

Confident women like to gather their own evidence and come to their own conclusion. They think outside-the-box, because if they don’t do their own fact-finding, they know they might not see the big picture.

7. They don’t try to please people

When a woman is self-assured, she does not need external approval. This allows them to be their true-selves and trust that people who like her, like her for who she truly is. She leads from her heart and has the inner-strength to handle opposition.

8. They don’t waste time on worrying.

Time is valuable so spending time on “what-if”, “should-have” or “could-have-been” is not useful to the confident woman. She knows that worry is like paying interest on a loan before you have been approved.

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9. They don’t have regret

They learn from the past and they recognize where they have made poor choices but there’s no regret. Being able to learn from the past rather than regret it oozes confident.

10. They aren’t afraid to get messy

Sure they know the value of a good first impression and they like to look good, but they don’t care if they are caught in a rainstorm or if they get sandy feet while walking on the beach. They find joy in the experience whether that is getting stuck in a downpour or falling in the pool.

11. They don’t see failures as defeats

In fact, they are the ones who can tell you how many times Henry Ford went bankrupt before he became successful (three!). They recognize that there are always bumps in the road on the path to success. The ease with which they recover allows them to keep moving forward in their determined fashion.

12. They don’t cave to peer pressure

This is largely due to the fact that they don’t feel peer pressure. Pressure is reserved for those who stress about what others think. And the confident woman just doesn’t.

13. They don’t make unconscious choices

Confident women are in touch with their purpose and they use this to intentionally guide their decisions. This dauntless way of living intentionally is part of what draws others to them.

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14. They don’t ignore their instincts

Even when all the facts seem to point one way, if their gut says the other, that is the way they go. They know that instinct is our strongest ally in decision making so they listen to it religiously.

15. They don’t glorify busy

Productive is different than busy. They get the job done, they just don’t feel overwhelmed as they are doing it.

16. They don’t take things personally

They understand that your opinion is about you, not about them. While they value your input, if you don’t agree with their choices, they still make them. And they still like you.

17. They don’t find silence uncomfortable

In fact, silence recharges them. They enjoy alone time where they can explore personal growth and take time to reenergize.

18. They don’t aspire to be popular

They value authenticity in others and only want friends whom they share a deep connection. They like challenging conversations and this doesn’t lead to popularity but they don’t care.

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19. They don’t need personal trainers

Or alarm clocks for that mater. They motivate themselves and are excited to get the jump on their day – no snooze buttons for them.

20. They don’t want fans they want supporters

They probably have 900 Facebook friends and a ton of followers on Instagram but what they value is the content of their newsfeed, not the numbers. Quality over quantity every time.

21. They don’t equate who they are with what they have

They know that stuff doesn’t define them so their choices in clothing and cars are based on what they like not on how they want to be perceived.

22. They don’t deny themselves

They realize that there is balance on everything. They might be on a health kick but they will gladly treat themselves to an occasional ice-cream. They like to get to the gym, but they know the world won’t end if they skip a work out.

Confident women don’t neeed anyone to like them. Which is probably why everyone does!

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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