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20 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Social Butterfly

20 Things You Should Know Before Dating A Social Butterfly

Social butterflies are a really special species. Dating one will require a level of tolerance not many people have, so if there’s someone you really like, prepare yourself to moving your limits. They live in a world of their own where being an extrovert and an introvert is possible at the same time; they have a lot of friends, but they aren’t close with anybody really; they date a lot, but usually don’t have a single relationship that lasted more than three months; and they tend to have a lot of talents, but not one of those are fully developed, except perhaps their social skills. Dating a social butterfly will get you way out of your comfort zone, so you need to brace yourself and do your homework.

1. They always hang out with a bunch of people

You can’t really expect from a social butterfly to devote their full attention to you, at least not in the beginning of your relationship. You really can’t get mad at them because they are surrounded by a lot of different people 24/7. Their attention needs to be deserved.

2. They like to be in the spotlight

You’ll easily be able to recognize a social butterfly if you just pay attention to which person is the center of a social group. They would do and say practically anything to be noted, so prepare yourself for the unexpected.

3. They change their mind quite often

In order to understand how they tick, pay attention to the way they plan their day – they tend to keep all of their options open until they are proposed with something they really like. So, if you don’t find what they say reliable, have in mind that their plans change by the minute.

4. They expect from everyone to have social skills

Dating a social butterfly usually means you’re on your own, and this doesn’t mean they don’t care – they just don’t realize that not everyone has social skills. That lack of empathy isn’t something they do on purpose; they just don’t realize what it’s like to be uncomfortable when surrounded with a lot of unfamiliar people. If you’re determined to really put an effort into this relationship, it’s probably time to learn how to develop your social skills.

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5. They tend to be irresponsible

Considering the fact that even they don’t really know what kind of obligations they have during the day, a real responsibility can easily slip from their mind. You can’t really expect from a social butterfly to have a serious career, because they are already devoted to maintaining a certain lifestyle – the show must go on!

6. They are extraordinarily spontaneous

If your life was steady and quite until now, prepare yourself for a major lifestyle change. There’s no point in trying to resist them, and if you just go with the flow, you’ll have a lot – and I mean a lot – of stories to tell.

7. They like to experiment with everything

Whether it’s about fashion, haircuts, gadgets, music or jobs, be sure they either tried it or they plan on trying it. And, social butterflies will push whatever they are experimenting with – at least until they become good at it, because then it becomes boring.

8. They will expect from you to appreciate their sense of humor

You two can’t really work if you don’t laugh at a social butterfly’s jokes. It’s important to understand that they live of feeding with laughs. When you get there, it will be pretty simple, especially because they are usually hilarious.

9. They have occasional depressions

With so many different things happening in their lives, they occasionally get tired. When that happens, they feel alone, and that is when waves of depressions come along. It’s probably best to give them space and let them fight it – you can be positive that this isn’t the first time in a social butterfly’s life when they are struggling with who they actually are. However, if you notice that they have more than just a few signs of depression, you should jump right in and do your best to help.

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10. They tend to be artistic

One of more than just a few talents they poses will be related to at least one form of art, you can be sure of that. Considering the fact they have a lot of experience in completely different areas, it’s natural they have a need to express it someway.

11. They are great adventurists

Social butterflies tend to consider their lives to be a real life movie, with a theme song and everything. So, if you get neglected because of something you think is less important, believe me, they don’t look at things from your angle, because they’ll leave everything for an exciting adventure.

12. They need support even though they appear to be really confident

All of these characteristics create a strong figure that’s daring and confident, but that’s not the whole truth. The greatest bond you can make with a social butterfly is through support, so make sure you show a lot of it, even though you sometimes consider it isn’t necessary.

13. They have a really busy schedule

One day of a social butterfly is equal to several days of a regular person – they get up early and they stay out really late. Scheduling a date with them may sometimes feel like making an appointment with your dentist, but that’s just another part of their personality.

14. They have a big ego

You need to be very, very careful when you want to criticize a social butterfly. If you strike a nerve that’s not to be touched, you can expect not to get your calls answered for a couple of days. However, if you’re lucky to hear from them, they will undoubtedly hold a grudge and expect an apology.

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15. They have a lot of expectations from the person they date

When dating a social butterfly, you need to be able to understand everything they do without too much talking. And not only that, be sure they’ll expect from you to be resourceful, cunning and prepared for whatever they have prepared for you.

16. They have no regards for the consequences

If each day of your life was filled with various happenings and unexpected turns of events, I’m sure you wouldn’t have enough time to think things through fully either. They are more in a deal-with-consequences-when-they-arrive kind of mood, than comes planning and being responsible.

17. They have a lot of different interests

It can be impossible to keep track of everything a social butterfly likes. Also, you may be surprised with how contradictory their interests may be – football and tango, reading and developing apps, photography and philosophy – practically anything goes.

18. They like to enjoy various privileges

Every social butterfly enjoys demonstrating their influence, but they do it subtly. For example, they always have a table waiting for them in a bar, they are asked to cut long lines and they can ask for favors in the strangest places. Pretty cool, huh?

19. They take their appearance seriously

Don’t get surprised when you find out how much time your social butterfly spends in front of the mirror or in the gym. The world is their stage, so if you’re not a fashionista, it’s definitely time to learn about different styles and how to pull them off, without spending a small fortune in order to look good all the time.

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20. They are dangerously easy to fall in love with

You need to be really careful, because they are capable of sweeping you off your feet without even being aware of that fact. Take things slow, try not to get too attached and your relationship have real chances to actually work.

I hope you’ll find my pointers insightful, and that they will get you closer to understanding what a social butterfly is all about. It will take some serious effort and a lot of devotion, but if you think you can handle it, it will all be worth it. Good luck!

Featured photo credit: Young vintage hipster pretty couple having fun outdoor in summer on the street in city with cool bicycle behind white wall. Man with girl in spring urban style via shutterstock.com

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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