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20 Things You Need To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Happy

20 Things You Need To Stop Doing If You Want To Be Happy

As a society, happiness is our holy grail. We spend billions of dollars on self-help each year, consuming books, audio, seminars, and more, all in pursuit of happiness.

We often blame external factors for our lack of happiness, including our jobs, friends, family, love life (of lack of), living situation, etc. In reality, however, we all have the capacity to feel happiness on any given day, and most of the time the biggest obstacle to happiness is us getting in our own way.

Here are 20 things you need to stop doing if you want to be happy:

1. Involving yourself in drama

Drama is the antithesis of happiness, yet if we’re caught unawares it can be easy to get caught up in it. Some people thrive on drama; being a victim or a rescuer gives them a sense of purpose. If you want to be happy, however, you need to become aware of any victim/rescuer tendencies you might have yourself, and be wary of relationships with other people who fall into these roles too.

2. Pursuing unrealistic expectations

We’re taught from a very young age that we’re special and can do anything with our lives. The truth is that, while most of us have wonderful qualities, gifts, and skills, we’re all still human. If you want to be happy, focus on accepting where you are right now rather than pursuing unrealistic expectations, and you might find that what you’ve been looking for was right here all along.

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3. Settling for less than what you really want

Settling for less than you really want might feel like a good compromise in the moment, but it will breed resentment in the long-term. If you want to be happy, practice communicating what you want and need to others.

4. Always saying yes

Whenever we say “yes” to something, we’re saying “no” to something else. Make sure you’re saying yes only to the things that align with your priorities and values.

5. Always saying no

As with saying yes, the art of saying no in a way that serves us is about finding balance. Feel free to say no when it feels right, but make sure you’re not closing yourself off to new experiences and opportunities that might enhance your life in the future.

6. Living in the past

When we spend most of our time living in the past, we end up feeling out of control of our lives, stuck in a victim mentality, and missing out on opportunities in the present. If you find yourself drifting into the past, practice shifting your focus to your breathing and reorient yourself in the present.

7. Comparing yourself to others

As humans, we thrive in communities and want to feel a sense of belonging, so a level of comparison is natural. If you find yourself beating yourself up for not matching up to other people’s achievements, however, it’s time to rethink what role comparison is playing in your life. Instead of focusing on what you envy, focus on what you admire and use that to inspire yourself in the future.

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8. Criticising yourself

As a coach, I repeatedly hear clients saying “But I need to be hard on myself, otherwise how will I get anything done?” In reality, self-criticising doesn’t help, because what we focus on grows. When we criticise ourselves, we focus on what’s wrong, we find more and more evidence of our flaws and defects, and we get stuck in a self-defeating cycle. When we’re compassionate and kind to ourselves, however, we’re more likely to expand and grow.

9. Focusing on material possessions

We equate material possessions with wealth and success, but it’s experiences that lead to happiness. Material possessions provide a fleeting high, then act as more of a distraction than anything else. Try downsizing just one room and notice how liberating it feels.

10. Putting other people first all the time

We’re raised to believe that putting other people first is the right thing to do. In reality, we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help other people. If we keep putting other people first without attending to our own needs, we’ll end up burned out and unhappy.

11. Focusing on what you “should” do

The word “should” is always a warning sign that you’re trying to squeeze yourself into a box that doesn’t fit you. Instead, ask yourself “Do I really want to do this?” and listen for your internal answer.

12. Attaching false meaning to situations and conversations

It’s a natural human tendency to fill in the gaps in situations in order to make sense of them. The downside of this, however, is that we often attach meaning to conversations and interactions where there is none. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try keeping an open, objective mind.

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13. Waiting for inspiration/motivation/courage

Many of us have big dreams of writing a novel, running a marathon, taking up painting, and so on. Yet, we don’t do these things because we’re waiting for inspiration, motivation, and/or courage. The truth is that these feelings only come if we take action first. Instead of waiting to feel a certain way, just do the thing you really want to do, and you’ll find that you feel inspired, motivated, and encouraged in no time.

14. Living in the future

Just as living in the past hampers our happiness, so does living in an imaginary future. Practice refocusing on the present and noticing all there is to enjoy in the here and now.

15. Falling for the “When I have X, I’ll be happy” myth

We’ve all had thoughts like “When I lose that last 10 pounds, then I’ll be happy”, or “When I get that raise, then I’ll be happy”, or “When I live in the countryside, then I’ll be happy”, only to find that we lose the weight, get the raise, or move to the countryside and our goalposts have shifted to a new “When I have X, then I’ll be happy” equation. Rather than getting stuck in a hypothetical future, take time each day to make a list of things you feel happy about right here, right now.

16. Depending on other people to make you happy

We are responsible for our own happiness. Putting that burden on other people is unfair and ruins relationships. If you want to be happy, you need to take ownership of your feelings and start figuring out what you can do to deepen your satisfaction with life.

17. Focusing on what you don’t have, rather than what you do

As I mentioned earlier, what we focus on grows. If we’re constantly focusing on what we don’t have, we’re more likely to overlook what we do and feel more despondent and dissatisfied as a result. If we focus on what we do have, however, we’re more likely to overlook the things we don’t have, and feel more content and happy.

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18. Focusing on what you’re against, rather than what you’re for

Using a similar principle as no. 17, if we spend our time focusing on what we’re against, we’re going to end up looking at the world through darkened glasses. If we focus on what we’re for, however, we’re more likely to feel a sense of optimism and possibility.

19. Trying to be someone you’re not

Although people-pleasing is born out of wanting to be accepted and fit in, it’s one of the most common barriers to happiness. When we change ourselves to gain validation from other people, we will never feel happy and fulfilled. Even if we get that validation, we know deep down that it’s not us the person is validating, it’s the person we’re pretending to be.

Instead of focusing on how you think other people might want you to be, focus on showing up as you really are.

20. Believing that happiness is a destination

Happiness is a process rather than a state of being. It’s something we can foster each and every day, rather than being a destination we arrive at. What this means is that we don’t need to wait for everything to fall into place to feel happy; if we make time to use these suggestions, make subtle shifts in the way we view our lives, and focus on what’s going well rather than what’s not, we’ll start to notice a difference from day one.

What have you stopped doing in order to be happy? Leave a comment and let us know.

 

Featured photo credit: Bang via mrg.bz

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Hannah Braime

Hannah is a coach who believes the world is a richer place when we have the courage to be fully self-expressed.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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