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20 Things Children with Autism Want to Tell You

20 Things Children with Autism Want to Tell You

Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a pervasive developmental disorder (ICD 10, DSM-IV) that occurs on a spectrum and thankfully is no longer considered a psychosis. Persons diagnosed with ASD are commonly accepted as presenting with a triad of impairment. These impairments usually include; 1) social skills deficits which mean that forming friendships is a frequent difficulty, 2) language and communication difficulties which often mean that the person will have trouble understanding and retaining information provided in the verbal format and will struggle with subtleties of language such as sarcasm or inuendo, and 3) difficulties with flexible thinking which often means that a person with ASD has difficulty taking different perspectives, empathy, and any sudden changes to routines. Persons with ASD will often find comfort in repetitive routines which others cannot understand or may find unusual. Persons with ASD also regularly have difficulties with motor coordination and may have difficulties processing incoming sensory information. This list of difficulties is by no means exhaustive. There are many other daily struggles for a person presenting anywhere on the Autistic spectrum. But whether you are into brain training for children, are a parent or a teacher of a child with ASD, or are a certified Applied Behavior Analyst, here is a list of things that I think a child with Autism wants you to know.

1. We struggle to make friends

This doesn’t mean that we don’t want to have friends, but we have varying degrees of success depending on how we seek people out. In Lorna Wing’s classic book, The Autistic Spectrum, she identifies four types of social interaction impairments faced by persons with the condition. These included the aloof type (who often behave as though other people simply don’t exist), the passive type (who accept social approaches but do not initiate them), the active-but-odd type (this group will often actively seek out social contact but often will do so in a peculiar, one-sided fashion, or can go on about their own interests only without realizing that others may not share those interests), and, finally, the overly formal or stilted type (who try very hard to behave well and rigidly adhere to all rules and conventions). So, whichever category your autistic person falls into, struggling socially tends to be part of their condition.

2. We struggle to communicate, but this does not mean we are not trying to be heard

In 1943, when Leo Kanner first started talking about ‘early infantile autism’, this was one of the things that he reported. A person with autism may or may not have difficulty with their grammar or vocabulary, but most of them will struggle in the manner in which they use language. Many children with autism never learn to speak. However, many others do learn to speak and can speak quite well, but may learn much later than their same-age peers. Please do not confuse a difficulty communicating with not wanting to be heard. A person with Autism may try very hard to have their needs met or their feelings understood, but it can be very difficult to effectively get your point across when your expressive language skills are limited or your manner of communicating is not the same as those around you.

3. We have difficulties understanding the spoken words of other people

People with autism have extremely varied abilities to understand language. Lorna Wing reports that most do have some understanding, but this often does not include things like jokes or the finer nuances of language. Many take a literal interpretation of language that can make things like sarcasm and analogy quite confusing. However, many persons with autism, with practice, can make great gains in these areas, even though it may not ever come as naturally to them as it does their to their peers. We also have trouble understanding and using non-verbal communication. Sign language may not be enough if our spoken language is not well developed, because we often have equal difficulties understanding facial expressions, body language, and any range of gestures that usually coincide with the spoken word.

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4. We sometimes use a different intonation than other people

In fact, sometimes we use a different accent from our families and communities completely. Sometimes our voices sound robotic or mechanical. This is not atypical for someone with autism, even though it might sound unusual to other people.

5. Imagination and pretend games are not fun for us

We like repetition and routine, not spontaneity and surprises. So, what seems like great fun for a person without Autism may actually be very upsetting for someone on the Autistic spectrum.

6. We love simple, repetitive activities, but we may graduate to more elaborate, repetitive routines as we get older

In 1973, Kanner described how some autistic children would invent routines for themselves such as tapping on a chair before sitting down or standing up and sitting down three times before eating a meal. He went on to describe how other children might require each member of the family to always sit in the exact same place at the dinner table or insist that a morning walk should always take exactly the same route. This is all part-and-parcel of how persons with ASD find comfort in sameness and are fearful of changes, but it can seem quite unusual to an outsider looking in. In fact, sometimes in our need for sameness, we might cling to an object that others simply cannot see the value of. Indeed, some of these objects may become our most preferred items.

7. Many of us like Thomas the Tank Engine

Some experts have speculated that this is because of the mechanical and repetitive characteristics of the characters in the show, but nobody really knows exactly why there is such a draw to Thomas the Tank Engine. Of course, there are many other shows and television characters that people with autism enjoy, but they often tend to be programs where there is a significant amount of repetition by the actors in a certain sequence.

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8. We often engage in stereotyped movements

In plain English, this means that we might do things like repetitively flick our fingers, flap our arms and hands, jump up and down, roll our heads around, or rock while standing up. It is not known why autistic people perform stereotyped movements, but there seems to be an escalation of these movements when the person is excited or when they are trying to seek sensory input. Typically-developing babies and toddlers will engage in a lot of these movements too, but with increasing age and self control, many of these physical behaviors cease or greatly decrease. However, they may not cease in people with ASD. In fact, a person with ASD can become very distressed if forced to suppress these movements. If you want to help a person with ASD when they are in distress, please be aware that they may need this type of sensory stimulation, and indeed it might be very calming for them to engage in it.

9. Some of us can be very clumsy, and we might have unusual gaits and posture

When Dr. Hans Asperger originally described the syndrome as he saw it in 1944, he noted that many of these children had underdeveloped motor coordination skills, handwriting, and time management. This is still true today, but not every person with ASD has awkward or underdeveloped fine or gross motor skills. Indeed, there are many persons, particularly those that are on the higher-functioning end of the Autistic spectrum, that can be very skilled athletes.

10. We have great difficulty imitating other people’s facial expressions, and yet we often imitate other people’s actions or echo their words

The technical terms for these behaviors are echopraxia and echolalia (Wing, 1996). It is often seen as paradoxical that it is so common for an autistic person to echo another person’s words and actions in what seems to be a meaningless fashion, when it is so essential to social development to meaningfully imitate things like two-way conversations, facial expressions, and eye contact.

11. We may ignore or seem not to hear loud noises, yet we might be extremely sensitive to sounds that other people barely notice

This is another paradox of the autistic spectrum. It was first noted by Itard in 1801 in Victor, The Wild Boy of Aveyron. Itard noted that Victor never responded at all to the loudest of noises like the explosion of firearms, yet never failed to respond to the sound of a walnut being cracked open or any other “eatable” which he enjoyed. Other children with autism can become extremely distressed by certain sounds and noises, but this will often fade with increased age.

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12. We can have seemingly contradictory responses to visual stimuli

For example, we may be fascinated by bright lights, but very distressed by flash photography. We also may not always look at a whole item or person, preferring instead to focus on an outline of a person or what others might consider some arbitrary physical features of an object (e.g., the leg of a chair rather than the whole chair). It has been suggested that the autistic child may make more use of the peripheral part of the retina which focuses on outline and movement, rather than central vision, for details. This part of the retina is mainly used by others in near-dark conditions. It is interesting to note that many autistic children can find their way perfectly well in the dark and may not always turn a light on. This, too, tends to fade with age.

13. Certain textures, tastes, and smells that are barely noticeable to others can be very offensive and distressing to us

While we might not be able to handle certain fabrics of clothing, we might not notice when something is too hot or too cold. We may not even notice if we have been badly hurt or injured. This seems unusual to non-ASD people, but it is seen regularly in someone with ASD. It seems that, like with all of our other senses, we just don’t seem to interpret incoming stimuli the same way that other people do.

14. Many of us prefer the same narrow range of foods again and again

This may be related to our need for uniformity, but some have speculated that we don’t always recognize the sensation of hunger. However, many of us drink liquids excessively and our thirst cannot seem to be quenched. One piece of good news here is that when we are engaged in other activities, we can forget about this sometimes constant thirst.

15. Many of us have high levels of anxiety and fear, but this is not necessarily because we are autistic

Much of this anxiety and fear comes simply from the fact that a situation has arisen that we do not understand or did not expect. If you were in our shoes, you might be scared too.

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16. Learning difficulties are common for those presenting with ASD

That being said, about 10% of autistic children have very strong skill sets, even compared with typically-developing, same-age peers. This can sometimes come about because we practice a task in such a repetitive manner that we can become much more skilled than others. We also tend to obsess about small details in our special area that other people may not take the time to notice. This can really be to our advantage in developing a specialized skill set and can set us apart in a very positive way.

17. We don’t always act the way you think we should

In fact, very often, because we struggle with language and communication, we might do things that other people think are downright strange. We might think nothing of stroking the hair of a stranger on the bus or taking off our clothes for a dip in a neighbor’s swimming pool. We might also say things that will make others very uncomfortable, like commenting on your friend’s weight gain or the bus driver’s bald patch. Furthermore, it is difficult for an autistic person to tell a lie. We describe the world as we see it, without sugar-coating or rose-colored glasses.

18. The most capable of us may go on to lead completely normal lives, and many of us might marry and even have children of our own

However, for those with more significant impairments in intellectual functioning and social skills, we may need lifelong care.

19. Whatever our age and intellectual ability, we can improve our skills

We can make progress beyond what anyone has ever thought possible through the understanding and application of the science of human behavior. Behavior analysts have published hundreds of research papers in the area of autism. For this reason, Applied Behavior Analysis is regarded as the only scientifically validated treatment for autism. Click here to see more on how ABA can be used in the treatment of autism. Click here for conferences and training for educators, parents and clinicians interested in using behavioral technologies for effective change.

20. Finally, and for the last time, the MMR vaccine does not cause autism!

There is no debate in the scientific community about this. Read Chapter 16 in Bad Science by Dr. Ben Goldacre if you don’t believe me. Check out the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2014 report if you don’t believe Dr. Goldacre. If you still remain unconvinced, you should note that the only scientist who ever published a paper suggesting that the MMR vaccine caused Autism was stripped of the right to practice medicine in the UK as a result of the paper he published being deemed fraudulent. The journal that published that paper, The Lancet, retracted the paper in part in 2004 and in full in 2010.

Featured photo credit: Shannon O’Brien via shannonrosephotography.weebly.com

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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